Medley

80: LOVE CAN GO TO HELL.

Four more shots and I'm finally ready to loosen up and let go.

Jackson sticks with me on the dancefloor to keep Kai away for as long as possible. But surprisingly, and thankfully, Kai is too entertained dancing with other girls to even acknowledge my presence.

At one point, Jack leaves me at the bar again while he goes to the bathroom. I order one more drink to refuel the buzz and keep the amnesia going. When I shift on the chair to watch my friends dance, I see Kai walking up to me.

"Why are you sitting here all by yourself? You're missing all the fun."

"My date needed a bathroom break." I explain.

"Oh, is Jackson your date now? Where's your boyfriend?"

The selective amnesia thing doesn't really work if other people keep reminding you of the very person you're trying to forget, you know?

Instead of giving Kai the satisfaction of a response, I simply turn around to face the bar and ignore his last question.

Not knowing exactly what happened doesn't give him the right to pretend like nothing's wrong with me. I know he can tell just by looking at me. He knows me well.

"Oh, Emi! Forget I said that. Come on, dance with me!"

He grabs my hand and pulls my arm to get me up on my feet. We dance in silence for a couple of songs and I'm enjoying his company and his cute attempts at making me smile every now and then.

That is, of course, until the band decides to do a medley of their slow songs.

Jack, who had been dancing with Jasmine since he came back, mouths an 'I'm sorry' on his way to the bar, knowing there's nothing polite I can do or say to escape from Kai right now. I stay and keep dancing.

Kai holds me by the waist but I choose to put my hands on his biceps so I can maintain some distance and use him as support at the same time. My balance is not optimal at the present time.

Despite the dead look in my eyes showing everyone that I've not been feeling my best lately, Kai decides to press the subject to obtain the information he seeks.

"Weren't you supposed to be in London?"

"There was a change in plans." I don't want to give too much away.

"Does that change involve you not seeing that guy anymore?"

"What difference would the answer make to you?"

"It could give me hope." He's smiling wide.

Insensitive bastard!

"Hope is a dangerous thing to have, my friend."

"So does that mean he's out of your life?"

"Your lack of sympathy for my sadness is appalling." I divert the course of his interrogation.

I don't have the answers myself.

"Don't confuse my hopeful enthusiasm with indifference. I never want to see you hurting. But if he's already done the damage, I'm happy to clean up after him if you'd let me."

"I'm not a broken vase that whoever glues it back together gets to keep it, Kai!"

I considered ignoring his comment and change the topic, but I figure this is a good way of showing him that my current situation does not entitle him to think I'll suddenly correspond his feelings.

"I am very aware. You're so much more than that, Emi. I'm only saying, you can count on me for anything."

I start laughing out of nowhere and he looks at me clueless as to what has provoked it.

"You're such an ass! You're totally not saying that as a friend!"

The high level of alcohol in my system contributes to the cause and I just keep laughing, leaving him no choice but to join me.

"You laugh all you want, but you know it's true." He points out.

"I know you mean it, Kai. It's just funny to me, but in a really depressing way, that you're trying to woo me right now instead of being my friend. I need my friend tonight, not a suitor."

Inside, I feel like crying. But I can't.

Unlike some people, alcohol doesn't bring my spirits down, it actually lifts my mood up. So my natural response is to keep laughing.

"You're irresistibly adorable when you're drunk."

He whispers in my ear as he moves his hands to my hips and pulls me closer to him, causing my face to make direct contact with his chest.

"I might be drunk, but I'm still aware of my actions. And yours." I take a step back to separate my body from his and remove his hands from around me while giving him a condemning look. "This was the perfect chance to prove to me that you're my friend above all. Thanks for wasting it."

I storm towards the bar area and Kai follows calling after me, but as soon as Jackson picks up that something's going on, he runs to my aid and stops Kai midway.

I don't know what he tells him, but it's enough to get Kai to not only turn away but leave the building.

"Care to join me for another round?" I ask Jasmine as I sit on the stool next to her.

She nods and I order two shots of tequila for each of us.

"Here's to forgetting men exist."

We raise our glasses for a toast. Jasmine isn't nearly as intoxicated as I am. She has processed very clearly what just happened with Kai and her eyes are teary like a sad puppy's.

"Here's to forgetting the British One for being a treacherous, lying dipshit and to Kai for simply being fucking blind. Love can go to hell. Salud!"

That little acknowledgement that I understand why she's on the verge of crying makes Jasmine smile and contain the tears.

We toast to ourselves for the second shot and in that moment Jack appears from behind us and announces it's time to go.

"Love can go to your head
Like a shot of something strong
Love can go to your bed
And stay there all night long

Love can go on and on
Like a Sunday morning Sparrow
Love can go to your heart
Like a sweet-talking arrow

(...)

I can go to church
And fold these idle hands
I can go to work
Call some friends
Make some plans

I can get drunk on a Saturday night
And try to fall for someone new
But I'd just wake up hungover
Cursing the day I fell for you

(...)

I don't blame you at all
No, I don't hate you at all
It's all love's fault

So, love can go to hell
In a broken heartbeat minute
That's where I am without you in it
Every day is just another night by myself

Love can go to hell
Like roses in a vase of whiskey
Dying for the way you used to kiss me
Heaven knows I only wish you well
Oh, but love, yeah love can go to hell

Forever's just a lie that love will tell
So love, yeah love can go to hell"

--------------------------------------------

LOVE CAN GO TO HELL - Brandy Clark.