Medley

63: YOUR HOPE.

           

Waiting at the airport to board my plane, I check my phone, which I neglected all weekend, and notice four more missed calls from Kai. But if what he had to tell me was important he would've left a message, so I decide that whatever it is can wait till I get home.

Harry and I text back and forth from the moment I land in Baltimore, until I'm standing at my front door. After going into the store to say hi to Jack and Talia, I sit on my bed trying to find the energy to unpack.

I've put it off for too long now, it's finally time to call Kai back. I don't want to deal with him if what he has to say would ruin the good mood I'm in.

"Oh, she's alive!" That's how he answers the phone. Very mature...

I detect the sarcasm in his voice but purposely choose to ignore it.

"Yes, Kai. She is. What's up?"

"It's Sasha, she's in the hospital."

"What! Why? Is she okay? Is the baby okay? What happened?"

Terror takes over me and my hands start to shake making it difficult to hold the phone still so I can hear Kai's response.

"She overdosed on sleeping pills. But both her and the baby are fine, they'll be fine."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"They had to pump her stomach but luckily it hadn't been that long. Sasha locked herself in an office at the shelter. The night guard has a master key so they got to her before she finished taking the rest of the bottle."

"Did someone notify her family?"

Maybe this is a wake-up call for her parents to realize what they're contributing to.

"They were only able to reach her sister. She came to see her but Sasha begged her not to tell her parents."

"Jesus Christ! I'm so sorry for being out of reach, Kai. I never thought when I saw the missed calls that it could be about something this important, I feel so guilty now!"

There I was, on Cloud Nine, when all this was happening back home.

"Don't. You couldn't have known. And I didn't want to tell you over voicemail because I knew you'd freak out, so I thought I had to tell you directly. There's nothing you could've done, Emi. I only called you because Sasha was asking for you."

If it makes me feel guilty finding out that the call I didn't take was about my friend attempting suicide, knowing that she had been asking to see me and I wasn't there for her makes me feel even worse.

In a matter of minutes, I arrive at the hospital but find Sasha asleep. The nurse in charge explains to me that they would've sent her home already but because she's pregnant and so far along, they needed to monitor the baby until the effect of the pills wore off to make sure everything was okay, and it is. They're discharging her as soon as the doctor signs the release papers.

"Hey!" I have Sasha's hand in mine when she wakes up.

"I'm sorry, Emi." She doesn't bother with hellos. I haven't said or asked her anything but she knows what's coming.

Her eyes instantaneously flood with tears.

"Shh, you don't have to say anything right now." I press her hand harder.

"I know what I did is wrong, but I was desperate, I couldn't think of any other way, I'm so, so sorry!"

I'd been thinking of all the things I was going to say to her, but now I realize she's so ashamed of herself that me judging her is not going to accomplish anything.