Medley

76: MURDER SONG (5,4,3,2,1).

"Why, Harry? I just need to know why!"

My voice seems to echo in the deafening silence of the room.

I thought he would already have come up with a thousand excuses by now, but he just stands there running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

Now it's him who can't look at me in the eyes.

I sit and wait.

"I was a fucking idiot!" He finally breaks down. "Jenna never wanted to break up, it was me who ended things. I didn't expect her to show up in Philadelphia, but when she did I-"

"I don't want to know why you slept with her." I'm calmer although the tears are still coming. At least I'm calm enough to articulate words and stand the sound of his voice. "What I need to know is why you lied to me?"

If he loves me just a little bit, he would be merciful and spare me the details.

"It wasn't a lie! But I didn't tell you because I was afraid we'd come to this. I didn't tell you because I was terrified of losing you!"

"Did you think I'd never find out? Did you really believe I was better off not knowing? That it's better I found out through her and not you? There were millions of opportunities for you to tell me!"

"But I was scared! You would've left me if I did!"

"Well, I'm leaving you anyway after all, aren't I? But I would've preferred to do it under different circumstances, like one in which you were honest with me and gave me a choice. You let me fall for you knowing you were lying to me the whole time!"

"Don't say that, love!"

Harry takes a few steps forward until he's right in front of me and kneels on the floor. His hands placed gently on my thighs.

All my energy is gone, I'm too weak to push them off me. His touch burns my skin, but it's ok, I'm scarred by him nonetheless.

"Everything I've ever said to you has been true."

Bullshit!

Nothing that comes out of his mouth right now has any value to me.

For all I know, he's always lied.

I grab his wrists, move his hands off my lap and stand up. With my suitcase in hand, I storm down the stairs as fast as I can. Harry takes a minute to react but I hear him follow, his feet stomping down the hallway after me.

"Babe, you can't leave like that!" He calls out. "You've got to hear me out, please!"

A strong hand grabs my arm preventing me from reaching the front door. Harry spins me around until I'm facing him and holds me by my elbows. I won't let him touch me anywhere else.

I can't hear what he has to say, I don't want to keep picturing him with Jenna in my head.

So, I speak first.

"I don't want to be used to fill someone else's void, okay? It's best for all of us if I just go."

I sit on the couch before I lose my balance and I have to hold on to him for support.

"You got this all backwards, Em. Would you believe me if I say I used her to forget you?"

That doesn't make any sense!

"How can I believe anything you say right now?"

I hope that hurt.            

A lot.