Medley

96: HARRY'S JOURNAL.

"FROM THE DINING TABLE"

If someone had told me a couple of months ago that I would be flying across the sea willing to come beg a woman to take me back, I most likely would've laughed.

Things were normally the opposite for me.
I'd leave, they'd beg.

After a few months of seeing the same girl, I'd get bored. Sometimes, by then, it was too late: they had already fallen for me.

Why? I have no idea.
Yes, I am always a gentleman and treat them the way every man should always treat a woman.

But the repetition of the same face on my pillow often led me to start looking for one new to break the routine. Because the possibilities were always endless: models, actresses, reporters, musicians, you name it.

So why limit myself to just one for an extended period of time, right?

That meant, that regardless of how well I treated them, how important I made them feel, how much I respected them or how much I genuinely cared about them, I would always leave them.

A long-term relationship was never in my plans. I didn't have the time for that. And I sincerely didn't believe I was cut out for that, period. At least not at this point in my life.

Funny how things change in an instant!

Moments change everything.

One minute I was enjoying some live music with Niall before our show, and a minute later I was staring at the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
Next thing I know, I'm losing my composure in front of her whilst asking her to please forgive me.

Meeting Emilia has altered my whole life. I'm suddenly committed to making this relationship last, because I want her and only her. No models, no actresses, no one could compare.

We've been together for three months and I still haven't had enough of her. I think I've just scraped the surface of my desire for her, of my need for her.

By now, I should be starting to get bored of her little things. It's always the little things that annoy me over time, and turn me off.

It's the way they laugh, the sound of their voices, the things they say, their clinginess, their need to label things, the pressure they put on me to make things official, and public.

Sometimes it's the way they sleep too close to me, or they breathe too loud, or they walk too slowly, or they talk too much.

Anyway... those are the excuses I use when I realize I'd never fall for them and I have to convince myself it's time to make an exit.

Emilia?

I adore all of her little things.

I'm fucked.

I adore the way she bites the inside of her cheeks, the same way I do, when she's nervous or deep in thought. How she comes back from whatever place she goes to when her brain is on overload and looks at me and smiles, like finding me next to her makes her happy because it's a better scene than the one crossing her mind.

I adore how I can tell she's smiling over the phone by the joy in her voice , how without seeing her I can picture that smiley face and my day is brighter. And how she can make me smile even when she's not around, because something reminds me of her, of something she said, or something we did, and I'd grin like a damn fool just at the thought of it.

I adore her tenacity to get the answers she's looking for out of me. I hate when people push me to talk about things I'd rather not. With her, I give in every single time.