Medley

51: ME, MYSELF & I.

           

"What's wrong?" Harry senses my disconnection from our kiss right away.

"Nothing, I was just thinking." He urges me to continue with a hand gesture. "None of your relationships lasted more than a few of months." He raises an eyebrow and I proceed to explain myself. "I Googled you."

"Oh! I assume you're wondering why, then..." I nod and he smiles. "Didn't the internet tell you that, too?"

"Don't look at me like that, I know! I should've waited to talk about it with you, but I got curious and you weren't around so it was easier to try to find out by myself."

"Well, I don't know what you read but half of that it's likely not true. So, ask me what you want to know."

"Okay. How many girlfriends have you had?"

"I don't know if they all count as such but there have been four." He lifts a hand showing four fingers and I say a name as I touch each one of them and he confirms. "But the first two I'd say I 'dated' for a while instead of calling them 'girlfriends'."

"Why were the relationships so short?"

"I don't know. I was too young? I didn't want a relationship? I got bored too soon? Or maybe it was the same thing each time: distance. It's hard when someone has a hectic schedule like me and travels all the time, but it's even harder when both people in the relationship have that same problem. We just didn't see each other much. But I think it all boils down to the fact that they weren't right for me and I wasn't right for them."

"What about your breakup with Jenna?"

His face contorts at the sound of her name as if I had just summoned the devil.

"What about it?"

As hard as he tries to act cool about it I can see the impact she makes on him, clearly.

Of course, no one gets over someone that quickly. I'm an idiot!

"Wasn't it only like two or three weeks before you met me?" He looks at me as if he doesn't understand what I'm trying to get at, yet he does know it.

"...And you think it's too soon for me to start something new?" I don't need to respond for him to figure out he's guessed right. "I didn't plan for this to happen when I met you. Yes, the timing sucked, but I'm glad that things worked out the way they did. Aren't you?"

Hell yeah, I am. But different words come out when I open my mouth.

"Are you still in love with her?"

"I was never in love with her."

Of all the possible answers to this question that I've considered since it started to haunt me that day I searched his name online, this was not the one I'd have expected. But it certainly is the best one I could've hoped for.

Is it wrong feeling this happy about him not loving someone?

"What about you? Do you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend?"

Harry's asked me about my ex before, but since he wasn't talking about himself much back then, I never revealed more than the fact that we were together three years and the circumstances under which we ended our relationship.

"Caleb? Oh, my God, no! He's buried in the past. We broke up over a year ago and he cheated on me. If there's anything I still feel for him, is sorry. Sorry I ever met him."

"But that night at the concert, when you teared up during that song you like so much, wasn't it because it reminded you of him?"

How can he still remember a small detail like that?