the love i give to you || pjm

chapter ten

she had thought that it would get easier. it hasn't gotten any easier. she still wakes up with the empty feeling in her chest and the sadness radiating from her body. she still doesn't feel alive. she thought she would get used to a life without her sister but she was wrong. it has not gotten easier. sure, she is not crying every day but she still felt the same pain in her body that she felt months ago. it was still there, reminding her.

she remembered when she basically lived in the hospital. she would go when she woke up and leave until her eyes got heavy. it seemed like yesterday to her. she remembered the ongoing pain that made her want to stop breathing. they were dark times that still hid the sun at times. on random days she would wake up sad other days she would be completely fine. sometimes her emotions would hit her hard but other days she felt nothing at all. she didn't know what was worse if drowning in her thoughts and fears, dreams and hopes, sadness or dying from the thirst of lack of feelings.

so that day she walked around with her camera taking photos of everything she could. when she went home she painted and drew. she then went out for a run and after that she bathed and did homework. still, her mind was filled with thoughts. she couldn't stop thinking and it was making her mad. she had kept busy the whole day but once she sat down for a second all the thoughts came rushing back in half a second. it was like a large wave crashing against her shore.

she was startled when her phone started ringing from the counter. she stood up and answered it. her voice sounded different. she cleared her throat and answered again.

"hello." she said.

"grace." it was yoongi. "do you like the park?"

"i like the park jimin." she thought before agreeing.

"good. i'll see you there. and don't be late or i'll throw you in the pond." he said before hanging up.

grace stood up from her spot on the sofa and went to get dressed. she was still in a bath robe. she put on some blue ripped jeans and a random black tee with her black dock martens. she put some concealer on her eye bags and on the redness of her cheeks before she left for the park. she wasn't in the mood for a swim.

when she arrived at the park she found yoongi sitting on a bench. he was just throwing pebbles at a random kids who were playing in the sand. she laughed causing him to turn around.

she looks great, he thought. she took the seat next to him. he smelled her scent as she sat down. it was nice. she didn't smell like a girly perfume but it was more of a natural scent.

"i'm here." she said. he only nodded and threw another pebble at a kid passing by. "so am i safe from the pond?" she asks.

"you are." he replies handing her a tiny pebble.

she throws it into the pond and sighs. "what are we doing here? you didn't say."

"i was kind of forced to take you out." he said.

"what?" she asked.

"well, jimin told me to take you out since i was the only one who had a free day today. he said that you seemed stressed in your face time call and sad." he responded.

"really? how thoughtful of him."

"no. thoughtful of me. i brought you out." he said.

"oh yeah."

"come on let's walk." he says standing up.

she stands up and walks alongside him. it's warm out and he is wearing a jacket. she decided to ignore it and relax. that was why he brought her right? so she walked and breathed in the air.