Bleeding Out » Stiles Stilinski [book 5]

[24] Paralyzed

❝ give me your white blood, i need you right here with me..❞

Savannah's point of view: 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch your life through someone else's eyes? Or what it would feel like to watch your life as it currently is right now through a screen like a movie or TV show? Do you know what it's like to lose control, to be trapped inside your own body, unable to tell it what to do, to watch yourself hurt the people that you care about? 

Well I'll tell you one thing. 

It sucks and being stuck inside your own mind without control of your body will drive you completely, utterly insane. Huh? I guess that's two things. 

I stood there, screaming and crying as I was forced to watch my life be controlled by someone else, someone in my body controlling it like it was their own. I watched myself become a monster once more, maybe worse than the last time. I kept on screaming, trying to break through but it was no use. It's like I was paralyzed. I tried growling, but nothing worked. It was like my time in the fields of punishment. 

Except worse. 

The last thing I remember before suddenly opening my eyes and having an out of body experience as I watched myself being strapped down like an animal in the hospital room was..was confronting Theo in the library. He hurt Lydia, we fought and-..and he tried killing me. I think he broke my spine and forced me into Lydia's mind using my Siren abilities..Then that's when he gave me my memories back, all of them. 

All the good, all the bad, literally everything rushing back in at once. I felt like I was going to die all over again, and now that I think about it..maybe that's why I can't seem to move my body or say anything. Maybe everything rushing all back at once, flooding in is somehow keeping me paralyzed. Like my mind and body can't seem to catch up. 

None the less, even if I couldn't move my body or make a sound for now..I kept screaming at my comatose body, hoping and praying that by some miracle, i could wake myself up. It was like being trapped inside my own mind, trapped inside a cell while I kept screaming and growling and running into the walls. 

But nothing worked. I just kept doing the same thing over, trying to focus on waking up and getting control of my body again..while blocking out all the horrible things I did. But the memories were so loud, they just kept replaying over and over again. All the bad memories were so loud.. 

But I kept focusing on the ones that mattered.