Bleeding Out » Stiles Stilinski [book 5]

[8] The Next Time I Hurt Somebody, It Could Be You

❝ I know who you are now..
I have always known you but now I understand you...❞

"Stiles, wake up..You're gonna flood the library with your drool." Savannah joked as she poked the side of Stiles head. 

He yawned stiring awake and peeling one of the papers from his cheeks. "Wh-..what happened?" He yawned, stretching a bit. 

"Well Malia left and Scott and Kira are looking up another potential lead on the second Chimera..So you should probably head home, Malia said she'd meet up with you later." Savannah explained, slinging her bag over her shoulder while turning away to leave but she heard Stiles stop her. 

She closed her eyes, already knowing what he was going to say. 

"How..-umm..how are you?" Stiles asked. 

She sighed, turning around to look at him with a sad face. "What do you think? I'm not fine, I could never be fine again..But just because I am forcing a smile on my face doesn't mean it's better..So, no. I am not fine and I am barley holding it together." She said, voice breaking towards the end as she turned around to leave. 

Stiles let out a sharp breath, nodding his head while putting his hands on her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay..We'll umm..-after Lydia's healed up, we'll all regroup and figure this out. Okay? It's gonna be o-.." Stiles began saying until Savannah snapped, cutting him off.

"..-It's not gonna be okay! None of this is okay!" Savannah yelled in an above whisper voice, looking at Stiles with wide eyes before making sure no one else had heard them. But luckily for them, they were the only two in the library. "I-..I killed her, Stiles. She's dead, she's not gonna get better because she's dead and I killed her. I..-I openly disagreed and put down Malia for wanting to kill Tracy instead of saving her..I promised Scott, i would.. I mean did you see the look on Scott's face, the look on all your faces? I..-I don't blame him or anyone else because I'd hate me too right now, I'd be afraid of me too..."

"Scott doesn't hate you, none of us do. It was just a shock..He understands, he'll understand.." Stiles tried explaining.

Savannah scoffed, shaking her head. "Will he though? I-..Cause I don't think he will understand why I did it because I..-I don't understand why I did it. I should have done better, I could have done..-I could have done better.. But I didn't..because if history has shown me anything, it's that..-that I'm always going to be a monster, no matter how much I try to change..I'm not a hero. I'm not good. I'm not going to be like Scott, you or anyone else..I don't think I can be, I don't think I ever was..."

Stiles sighed, running a hand over his face. "The thing about Scott, about all of us is..-okay the thing about being a hero and doing the right thing..-it's that even if it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel; they going to keep going, they're going to try to do the right thing and make up for what's wrong just because that's who a hero is..that's who you are. You've been through hell for almost your whole life.. but you're still here.."

Savannah shook her head, closing her eyes. "That's my point..I-..Why am I here? Why do I keep surviving when there's good people w..-good people who keep dying..Why do I keep getting seconds chances when there's people who haven't even lived long enough to get a first chance..-w..what am I to decide between life and death..I-I shouldn't have killed her..I don't know wh..-I just don't know who I am, what I am.." Savannah cried.

Stiles stood quiet for a few minutes, grabbing her hands and gesturing for her to take a seat on the chairs. Once they were both sat down, he stared at her. Stiles brushed a fallen piece of wet hair behind her ear and offered her a small smile.