Don't Ever Leave - Septiplier

Chapter Fifty Four

I rubbed my temples roughly and struggled to bite back tears as I watched Jack sleep. He had already passed out by the time Felix and I came back. I pondered on what to do, knowing I was losing myself more and more each day. I tried getting help already, but no one could diagnose me and I was afraid of hurting the people I loved, although I couldn't leave Jack. I don't know what's wrong with me and it's literally killing me and those who come in contact with me. It breaks my heart to think I might end up hurting Jack or worse - but I won't let that happen.

Felix helped break me away from the darkness that was clouding around me after I murdered Chuck. I don't know what came over me, but he knew what to say and how to be just harsh enough to wake me up and out of the insanity I was falling into. If this happened again, I'd have to get in contact with him.

Maybe I should take Jack and runaway like I had planned a long time ago, it would keep everyone else safe and I wouldn't have an urge to kill anyone. Perhaps I could convince Jack to move in with me into a cabin far away, where we could still do YouTube to keep him happy and friends I trusted could still visit. It sounded nice, but that was just wishful thinking. He already lived in the middle of nowhere once, I was sure he'd never want to live that way again - worried the loneliness would eat him up from the inside once again. I can't let him hurt because of me, but I can't let him go.

I cuddled up next to Jack and carefully pulled him into my arms, allowing me to spoon him without waking him up. I brushed through his hair with a hand and rubbed his arm after it trailed down. I laid my head beside his, close to his ear.

"Don't ever leave," I whispered mainly to myself, but he shifted and turned his body to see me, giving me a small, yet sweet, smile.

"I won't," He promised and wrapped his arms around me, closing his wonderfully blue eyes again. He's told me time and time again that he didn't deserve me, but he was wrong. I didn't deserve him. I've always known it, but never let it show.

I hugged him tightly, holding him as close as I could, feeling his warmth spreading to me. I've felt cold ever since I've gotten this way, but whenever I'm with Jack, all I can feel is warm and happiness. I can't live without him and the thought of him hurting, just destroys me. I can't stop beating myself up for what I said to Felix. I don't even know why I said any of that, it wasn't right or me. But, then again, I don't think I even know who I am anymore.

With heavy thoughts clouding my head, I finally manage to fall asleep, knowing Jack was safe and in my arms - even if I was starting to question his safety with me.

~

I woke up to the sound of the intercom telling us to start heading for breakfast. Apparently, it woke Jack too, because his eyes fluttered open soon after I woke up. Immediately when he saw me, he broke out into a grin that melted my heart. We got out of the bed, seeing Felix wasn't in the room. I assumed he was in the lounge - not being able to sleep, due to the event he witnessed the night previous.

"But it's so warm," Jack groaned as I started getting up. I smiled at him and urged him to get out of the bed by pulling the blanket off of him, but he gripped it tightly, not letting me rip it off. I chuckled a bit at him and rolled my eyes as he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

"Come on, sweetheart, it's time to get up," I laughed and he rolled over, back facing me.

"I'm sleeping," Jack moaned and I went to the foot of the bed, eyeing his feet that were poking out of the blanket. I grabbed one and pulled him, as he giggled playfully, sliding down the bed towards me. Once I pulled him out, I hoisted him up and into my arms, surrounding him tightly.

"Keeping you warm?" I asked and he shook his head. I let him go and faced him, leaning towards his lips and kissing him softly, my hands running around his hips and yanking him closer. I could feel him smiling against my lips as he kissed back, the Jack I fell in love with resurfacing with everyday.

"Now you are," He giggled again after we broke apart. I shook my head and took his hand, leading him out of the room and to the cafeteria. We received our food and found Felix sitting at a table, Crank by his side. The familiar ping returned when I saw Crank smile when he saw Jack, but I willed it to go away, remembering what Felix said about keeping Jack away from me if I acted out again. Jack sat next to Felix and I, of course, took my spot next to Jack.

"Good morning!" Jack greeted the table as he plopped down, Felix gave him a polite smile while shoving a bite of food into his mouth.

"Good morning to you too, ocean eyes!" Crank oddly greeted my Jack and I swallowed the anger growing in my throat. I put a possessive arm around Jack, who gave me a smile, as if reminding me he kinda likes it when I'm a bit possessive over him.

"Good morning, Block A. I'm sure you remember me, nurse Sandy, and I have some unfortunate news I must share," The nurse spoke to the entire room, which grew silent as she spoke. "A patient last night, Chuck Swan, committed suicide last night. Please keep your thoughts with him today, as it's a sad time for all of us to lose someone so kind. We figure he was struggling with his disorder and couldn't continue on anymore, so we urge you to speak with us before you decide to act on something so terrible. We are here for all of you, we want to see you better and healthy. If you're having these thoughts, please come to us and we will help you. Not only is it our jobs, but it's also our passion. Please remember him as who he was and take a moment of silence to recall him as a person."

The room stayed silent for a few minutes, some patients started crying, others slowly leaving the room, heading towards the area created to help those who were feeling suicidal. Perhaps his death truly was for the best, as these people were silent before about the way they were.

"Thank you. Please, enjoy your breakfast and spend today remembering Mr. Swan," Nurse Sandy requested and stepped down, the room falling back into soft chatter.

"That's awful," Was all Jack could seem to mumble, tears in his eyes. I went to hug him tightly, thinking about how I hurt him again while trying to make things better.