Don't Ever Leave - Septiplier

Chapter Thirty Six

A/N: You aren't ready yet, so here's a filler before the killer (syk rhymes m8) - don't murder me, there'll be at least two chapters after this filled with... Lovingness and heartfelt words. (If torture counts as loving - I think it does... What? Am I wrong? Shit.)

~

I cried softly to myself, still being able to feel the sting on my cheek. It could be worse, but it broke my heart to be hit by someone who was claiming to love you. Though I didn't love Eli, it just killed me to think that one moment, he was telling me how much he loved me, the next, I was on the floor, my face bursting in pain. The blow to my face was so sudden, I was still stuck in a daze. I hardly noticed Mark helping me to the bedroom and kissing me, hugging me, telling me he was going to take care of it. Once I realized he was there, all I could mutter was a 'thank you' but I wanted to say so much more, about how much I loved him and how inviting Eli over was a mistake, but I just couldn't.

I sat up in bed, grabbing a pair of headphone nearby and my phone, playing some music to blur out life. I snatched up my cigarette pack as well, feeling a couple tears fall as my hands found my lighter. I stuck a cigarette in my mouth and lit it, shakily breathing in as I let the harsh melodies fill my ears.

Eli and I were together for three years and though I never admitted it to anyone, he had hit me before - but only once. He thought I was cheating on him, which I wasn't - I was simply going out to study at the library for college. He apologized up and down and swore he didn't mean it and I eventually forgave him, but he did it again, which makes me think he meant it the first time.

~ Flashback ~

"Hey, um - Jack?" Eli greeted me uncertainly when I stepped into the apartment he owned while living in Ireland. I went up to him and kissed him on the cheek, giving him a small smile.

"Hi, Eli. What's up?" I sat down at his kitchen table, him following my lead, grabbing my hands from across the table and looking into my eyes. I knew something was wrong. "What is it?"

"You've been going out a lot... and I can't help but be suspicious. Is there something you're not telling me?" He asked and I frowned.

"E, I've been studying. Finals are next week," I reminded him, realizing our age difference really did have issues. He was long out of college and must've forgotten how stressful exam week was or perhaps he was never one for studying.

"I never took you to be one to hit the books," He sighed and stood up. "Look, if you're cheating on me, just say so. I love you and I've been in Ireland for two years now, just for you, and I need to know if I'm wasting my time on you."

"Am I just a waste of time to you?" My voice cracked a bit. I was too young to be worried about this, I was twenty, it didn't mean he was the one, but in my mind at the time, he was.

"If you're cheating on me, then yes!" He snapped and it was my turn to rise.

"I'm not cheating on you! I've been studying! You don't have to be such an asshole about this!" I tried not to yell, but it must've sounded like I was, because before I knew it, my face was stinging and we were both standing in the middle of his kitchen, completely stunned. "Did you... You hit me."

"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it! Oh, god, I'm such a horrible person. Oh, Jack," He started to tear up and I headed to leave, tears brimming in my eyes. He pulled me back gently and enveloped me in his arms. "Don't leave, please. I'm so sorry. I swear I'll never do it again, I didn't mean to do this. I ruin everything I touch. Please, just stay."

"Okay," Was all I could manage, knowing I wouldn't find open arms from anyone else if I left.

~ End le flashback ~

I blew smoke out of my mouth, staring blankly at the floor. I grabbed a cup on the nightstand and crushed the cigarette in it, not caring if Mark or Felix found out. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing hurts more than being hit by someone you thought loved you. Nothing was going to come out of Eli's visit between us, but it hurt nevertheless. It was hard for me to move on from that first hit, this next one was just making me fear Mark - just as I was beginning to think we were actually perfect for each other.

My finger rubbed gingerly against my busted lip. I pulled away and saw it was still bleeding lightly. I laid back down in Mark's bed, hoping his scent would soothe me - which to my surprise, it did. I just wanted him to come back and lay with me, hold me close. I genuinely never thought Eli would hurt me again, he swore up and down everyday about how sorry he was - even apologizing after we broke up. He used to be so sweet, what happened?

I brushed the towel against my lip, feeling numbed to all pain. The headphones were still resting against my ears, sad songs coming up and I found myself - and the drama that's happened since I came to America - relating more and more to the lyrics.

I will surrender my sin

And give you control

Make me a martyr for love

Till the habits abide

I sighed, letting the song I've never heard before fill my ears. I had just found a random playlist on Spotify and played it, glad I had.

In the darkness, my heart aches at the sight of you

Trembles and quakes within sight of you

In the darkness

This was probably the worst thing that could've happened during these times of despair. Eli's visit made me incredibly happy in the beginning, but now, I can just feel myself sinking lower and lower into a dark abyss. Upon roughly hearing the door open, I pulled off the headphones and tried to bury my phone in the bed - hoping whoever came in here, wouldn't listen to the depressing song and figure me out. For once, I just wanted to wallow alone in my own misery as sad lyrics echoed in my head.

Our bodies burning, tides are turning, somehow stopping time

What is becoming of my heart and mind?

~

A/N: Song: In The Darkness - Dead by Sunrise (I'm telling you, that song makes me cry every. single. time.) Normally I don't just chuck songs in fanfics like this, but I wrote this at 4 am and decided "fuck it". Oops.