Don't Ever Leave - Septiplier

Chapter Forty Eight

I couldn't believe how severe Jack's depression is - how did I not see it sooner? As soon as he told me his results, I felt worse, but less guilty about bringing him here. It seems he truly did need the help, though that just meant I'd be staying longer. I wondered for a moment if Jack was suicidal and if that was what made his score rocket, but I pushed the thought away, not wanting to think about that.

After a while, he seemed to calm down and resulted to simple sniffling, not even noticing Felix in the room, who appeared incredibly concerned. I could tell he wanted to help soothe Jack, but knew I'd probably lash out at him if he got too close. Before Jack came in, Felix and I were discussing his results, but he never quite got to the point and I was curious.

"What do you have, Felix?" I asked lowly, seeing his attention turn to me. Jack remained snuggled into me and I reached to grab a blanket nearby, wrapping around him as he gripped onto me.

"I have generalized anxiety, they're putting me on some medication called benzodiazepines," Felix sighed, but gave me a small smile. "I think I'll be able to get out of here though."

"Well, I'm staying until Jack gets let out. Maybe once you get to leave, you can go home for a while, reunite with Marzia - I bet you miss her," I think aloud, knowing that I'd go completely mad if I was away from Jack for that long. Then again, I'm crazy already. 

"Yeah, you're right. I really do miss her and the pugs... I want to go home. I need to get out of America, but... what about you guys?" He asked, frowning. Jack tilted his head so he could see Felix.

"You don't have to worry about us, Fe. We'll always keep in touch," Jack smiled softly and I gave him a small squeeze. 

"Jack, speaking of home, I've been meaning to ask... Would you move in with me?" I pop the question I've been meaning to ask him for so long. He seemed startled and pulled away.

"R-Really?"

"Yes," I smiled, hoping he'd agree, otherwise I have no idea what else to do. 

"I-I... I want to say yes," He looks me in the eyes to show he's genuine. "I want to. It'd be perfect, but aren't we moving a bit fast?"

"Sweetheart, we're already living together - we just have to get your stuff," I pointed out and he giggles a bit, which is incredibly refreshing. 

"You make a good point," Jack smiled, though his eyes still spoke sadness, which seemed to permanently lay beneath them. I'd do anything to bring back that shimmer of happiness into them again. 

"How about once we get out of here, we go to Ireland and pack up your stuff, get it shipped to my house? Once your stuff comes, we'll get back into the swing of things and get back into YouTube. We'll be together and have our careers back," I smiled encouragingly. 

"Yeah, that sounds good. Really good," Jack agreed and I pulled him into me, hugging him tightly, knowing I was going to continue waking up with him in my bed, seeing him everyday, plus, I get to take care of the rest of my job. 

"I'll be sure to visit a lot more than I did in the past. I'll try to come back after you guys get back from Ireland and get settled in," Felix thought aloud and I nodded.

"We've been here for a day and we're already planning what to do once we get out," I chuckle and shake my head. 

"I don't want to be here," Jack mutters quietly, a sad look panning his face. I frown and hug him, but his mood doesn't seem to pick up. 

"None of us do," I sigh, though I'm glad we are. Jack needed the help and hopefully this also does Felix some good. If they didn't actually have a problem, they would've been released. "I love you, sweetheart, and I promise we'll get out of here soon. I won't leave until you can."

"I love you too, Mark, but you don't have to stay with me," Jack smiled sadly before burying his face in my chest again. I could hold him all day.

"Jack, I can hardly be in another room without longing to be by your side. Don't think for a moment that I'd rather be anywhere but next to you," I rested my head on top of his, seeing Felix smiling slightly.

"You know, I'm glad you guys are together. I know I was more than disapproving of it at the beginning, but... it just seems right now," Felix said and I smiled, tilting my head to kiss Jack's hair. I hug him tightly and start swaying slightly. "Okay, you guys can stop being adorable now."

"We can't because Jack's too cute to stop it," I laugh and Jack giggles - his giggle is the best thing, I swear. "So, Jack, do we have any ideas on how to help you get a bit better?"

"Well, depression doesn't go away. It's always been there, I just always found ways to distract myself, I never admitted to it. Sometimes the happiest of people are actually the saddest," Jack muttered, following it up with a deep sigh. "YouTube was something that always made me happy. I had days where I felt I didn't deserve it, but most of the time, I was just grateful I was able to do it and be surrounded by people who love the channel-"

"Jack, they love you. They don't just come for the channel, they come for you. Why else would people follow you on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and such? They want to see you," I stressed, knowing I've heard him talk about this before. He seemed to always think people loved the channel and not him.

"Well... Anyway, I think if I can get back into YouTube, I'll be able to go back to the way I was. The sadness will always be there, but it can be lessened," Jack shoved off my support, clearly not wanting to argue differently. "And I'll have you in the future, I won't be stuck alone in my apartment in Ireland."

"That settles it, we'll find a way to get you recording here and we'll make the most of it," I confirm our decision and he nods, hugging me again.

"I don't deserve you," He repeats a phrase he's been mentioning a lot lately. I just hug him back, giving him a small squeeze.

"No, we deserve each other," I disagree and he smiles a bit, though I can tell he disagrees. Hopefully, we'll be able to get better here.