Don't Ever Leave - Septiplier

Chapter Forty Seven

A/N: An Elvis impersonator hit on me pls send help (it's only 11 here, but at home, it's tomorrow so I'm posting this chapter, oops)

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"Mark, may we speak with you?" A nurse came into our room and I stiffened. I almost gripped him tighter to make him stay, but I knew I had to let him leave. He stood up, kissing my forehead softly before following them out of the room. Felix was still taking his test. Now, it was just me and my thoughts.

We had to take multiple tests, but they were sure to stress the one they thought related to me the most - Goldberg's Depression Scale - which would measure the extremity of the mental illness they believe I have. The questions made me ponder everything and I couldn't get it out of my head.

Do you feel that people dislike you?

Most of the time, yes. I feel I'm annoying to most and that I don't deserve the gifts in life that are given to me. I don't believe that there are people who actually want to meet me and sometimes I wonder if Mark actually loves me, what's there to even like? (A/N: I feel so bad writing this, bc it's so false ugh)

Do you find it hard to make decisions?

Yes, it's difficult for me to settle on one thing, I constantly want to have other people's input and uncertainty and doubt consumes me.

Have you lost your appetite in the last 7 days?

I mean, I haven't been eating a ton, but my diet isn't so poor... Now that I think of it, the only things I've wanted to eat was cake and cookies, because they made me feel better, but otherwise, I hadn't been eating a ton - I suppose I haven't been feeling up for it.

Does your future seem hopeless?

Well, considering I can't even bring myself to make a simple Let's Play for my job, then yes. I don't see anything in the future for me. I can hardly see Mark and I still together, I think he'll get over me fast.

Is your sleep disturbed: too little, too much, or disturbed sleep?

Yes, completely. I find myself either oversleeping or under, there is no in between, which is odd considering I never liked sleeping anyway.

Do you feel like a failure?

I'm beginning to, yes. I couldn't even defend myself from Eli or see what type of person he truly is. I failed to help Felix or see Mark's love for me, I've lost my love for YouTube, there's nothing left.

Do you feel confined and imprisoned?

Yes.

Do you find it hard to concentrate when you read?

I guess, I've been pretty distracted lately - but with good reason.

Do you feel empty - more dead than alive?

Yes.

Does all joy and pleasure seem to have disappeared from your life?

Yes.

Do you feel tired?

Exhausted.

Do you feel sad, depressed, and unhappy?

Yes.

Do you feel down even when something good happens to you?

Yes.

Do you do everything slowly?

Feels like it.

Do you feel restless and cannot relax?

Yes.

Do you feel guilty and deserve to be punished?

Yes, perhaps that's why I actually enjoyed the slight pain Mark gave me while we were... together.

Have you lost or gained weight without being on a diet?

I guess so, it looks like I've gotten thinner.

Have you lost interest in things that used to mean a lot to you?

Sadly, yes.

Do you wonder how you could commit a suicide?

- As Mark steps into the room, revising the questions in my head comes to a full stop. I sigh as he sits next to me, kissing my cheek and giving me a small smile.

"So sorry if I took so long, they were trying to diagnose me, but couldn't through the tests. They show I'm relatively normal, but I just need psychiatric help. They said if I get the same scores at the end of the week, they'll just keep me in therapy, but otherwise, I'm free to go."

"That's so good to hear," I smiled and hugged him tightly, happy that at least one of us would for sure be able to get out of here fast. A nurse came into the room with a worried expression on her face.

"Sean McLoughlin," She called and I stood, following her out of the room without saying goodbye to Mark, seeing as I most likely wouldn't be gone for long. She took me to an office and gestured for me to sit down, I obeyed, seeing a man behind a desk in front of me. The nurse left the room.

"You must be Mr. McLoughlin, correct?" He asked, to which I nodded. He stuck a hand across the desk and I shook it. "I am Doctor Levine and I'd like to discuss with you your test results."

"Okay."

"Well, all of your tests went well and were normal, except for one - the Goldberg's Depression Scale test. I must inform you that you scored a 90, while anything above 54 is considered severe. We must place you in lockdown to monitor your actions, we're afraid you might attempt suicide, so we must be able to have eyes on you constantly. As for your minimum one week, that is out of the picture. I'm sorry to inform you that until your score reaches at least 35, you must stay in the facility. Do you understand?"

"Y-Yes," I breathed out, tears in my eyes. "B-but I swear I won't try anything, you can leave me in my room, please! I swear, if it's about the suicide question, I only thought about it like twice and not so recently. Please, please don't lock me in a room, I can't deal with that."

"Mr. McLoughlin, I am normally not inclined to allow such a request, but I will let you stay unless you hurt yourself or attempt suicide. You will be closely monitored," He informed me and I nodded quickly.

"I understand," I nodded and he dismissed me. I found my way back to the room, following the signs in the building. I paused outside of our room and opened the door, seeing Mark and Felix together, talking. I couldn't help bursting into tears once I saw them. Mark quickly scooped me into his arms and basically carried me to our bed, sitting down and holding me in his lap.

"Jack, what's wrong?" He asked, planting small kisses all over my face to try and comfort me.

"I-I scored a 90 on this depression test," I tried to say without my voice wobbling, but was failing. "A 54 is severe depression. They're not going to let me leave until my score is halfway lower."

"Oh, Sean," Mark's voice was intensely soft and he hugged me tightly. "This is all my fault."

"I-It's not," I tried to deny, but he didn't reply, just held me as I cried into his chest once again.