Hallelujah

Chapter 32.

Do me a hugeeee favor and read delanieeeeeee, sickasfrlck and imjoshdunwityou books! They look really gooooddd
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I waited for josh to think of something else to do besides going back into the house that seemed to only want us for sex. Even though we shared stories and told eachother mistakes, we seemed to still be unentertained by the world and what it had to offer at this house. That is, until Josh asked me the craziest question.

"Tyler have you ever smoked?" He asked.

"Uh, y-you mean like a-a cigarette? Because of that's what your talking about, then yes. But it once!" I added.

He chuckled a little and looked at me through the vivid eyes once again.

"I didn't mean cigs babe. I meant other stuff. Like weed for example".

My mouth fell open as he was asking me this. I didn't really know where he was trying to take this, but it was making me nervous. After all he told me out there, he's seriously even considered thinking of trying to smoke?

"J-Josh, why are you asking me this?"

"I just wanted to know" he said, looking down at his phone.

I got up from the grass and walked over to his illuminated phone shinning on his face, and took it from him to see what he was looking at.

"Hey! You can't just take that from me"

I ignored the rest of his comments and payed more attention to the fact that josh was talking to Brandon as we were speaking.

"Why are you talking to him?" I asked sternly.

"Babe it's nothing. Just give me my phone back and I'll tell yo-"

"No! Tell me now!"

He sighed out of defeat and sat back down in the area that he was in, pulling his knees up to his chest. He looked so disappointed as if he did something completly wrong. And by this time, I didn't wanna know.

"Some time earlier today, he texted me and told me that he would like you and me to go over to his house. And I told him that at the time we weren't really looking to go anywhere. And then he told me that later on today they'd get this big stash of drugs, and by drugs I meant weed. That'swhy I asked"

His eye contact left my face and zoned out into the open world. My pulses became heated and my vision faught to be blurry. I wasn't upset at the fact that he was texting him. I was upset that josh would even want to go back down this long, dark, deep depressing road that is drugs. It could mean anything.

"Josh? Why is it that you would tell me this story about yourself and everything you went through, to still have contact with stuff like this? Was it just to get my attention so you could have something to relate to? Was the story about your tattoo and shit even real!"

He still wouldn't look at me, but his words bravely still spoke at this point.

"Everything I told you wasn't a lie tyler. I didn't make up crap along the way to have something to say. Why would anyone make something up so serious? So sinister? I didn't even reply to him if that's what you're worried about".

"Well of course you didn't josh because we're right here talking about it!" I rolled my eyes and squated down so that I could make myself perfectly clear to him.

"I'm not upset that you texted him because besides, he's obviously been here longer than me, but what I am upset about is that you two are still talking about these types of things. Planning things out. Josh, he's suppose to be there for you. He's suppose to help and support you if you ever thought about going back down that road. I don't care what kind of drug it is, if you were the last person on earth, I still wouldn't expect you to do it".

I got up and headed in the house, not really sure where to go. I didn't bother acknowledging him calling my name as I was leaving. I tried to save the tears for his bedroom, but I knew it wouldn't last. As soon as I turned the corner to go up the stairs, my barrier broke and they all came spilling out of my eye sockets.
****
As I was already in the house for thirty-five minutes and Josh still didn't come in, I decided to take a shower. I want really sure if I was staying here or if he was taking me home after he was done thinking, but it didn't matter. I left his room and walked across the hall to his bathroom. When I turned the light on and shut the door, I was hit with the smell of him. There are no words to describe his scent. No words to describe him really. Wasn't really something that I was too fond of. I slid my shirt off and unbuttoned my pants, throwing the items into a corner of the large bathroom. I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and slowly walked up to the reflection. Nothing had changed. I was still this completely skinny, fragile, and pale fucked up creature roaming the earth. My ribs made most of the impact as it showed that it only wanted more attention by sticking out into my skin. I began to question the reality of things as I left the mirror and went to turn on the faucet. Did Josh truly love me the way he claimed to? I would like to believe that after everything that's happened. But it just didnt make sense how he appeared into my life. How he got so attached to me just on the first day of school. How he wanted to do all these things, and he didn't know me. It didnt make any sense. The cold water hit me before adjusting to the tempature that i wanted. It tried to wash away my thoughts, but they still vividly appeared in my head. The feelings of something bad began to stir in my chest, but another force of somewhat told me that I had nothing to worry about. Thinking it was only my conscience, I ignored everything. I ignored josh. And I ignored the fact that i could no longer feel my body.

W: I think I might bring in a pov thingy. I don't really like them but that would only make sense right now. This chapter was already written and rushed through so sorry if you read anything that relates to trash:)
Edit soon

LAST NIGHT WAZ CRAZIEEEE BOIIIIII OML!!!!