I prayed that today was going to go better than yesterday. My faith has been tested for the last couple days, but how could I even say that? More like my entire life. I enjoyed thinking about death. I enjoyed mentally hurting myself. I've never cut, but I've always thought about it. I want to feel the sting and the burns. I want to see the blood rush up to my skin as it hits life and exposed to the cold hearted air above. At first I had a fascination with what was under my skin. I cherished how each part of my skeleton made itself visable through my horrid skin. I loved the bruises plastered along my spine. It was art to me. But most importantly, I admired the tattoos along my pale skin.
Each line. Each filled and non filled box represented something that I soon hoped saved me. I dont know who to believe in besides blurry, but I know there's stronger thing's beyond him. I felt that for some reason, getting these lines and boxes would mean something later on in my life. I don't like telling people the meaning of them. But I like thinking of them. The boxes were objects that meant something way more to me than the lines. But of course the lines played a big part in what they created. There was a box that had a somewhat disformed x in it. That x made a big part with the creation. The next boxes were 4 smells ones. Each landed directly on my chest. They too, played a big part on how the creation was made. I had two other tattoo's that played big parts on what this object formed. They almsot looked like "i's", or that's atleast how I like to think. These "i's" were filled in. This represented what I feel to this day and will always feel. Hate, anger, and disappointment. The last two tattoo's the had parts along with everything else were lines. These line's were very special to me. They fixed everything withen the meaning of the tattoo.
But sometimes, I feel like getting it was a waist of time. I was a waist of time. I huffed a long breath and climbed out of bed, seeing it was 7:15 in the morning already. Today was thursday, but felt like a monday. I didnt want to carry on. I was trying to remember the reason as to why today was going to be more exciting than anything else. And then it clicked.
"Josh".
W: I decided to go ahead and get this chapter started. There's of course a second part to this. I wanted to bring out tyelr's tattoos. During the vessel era (the good days) I went to my first tøp concert which was absoulty freaking sick I was crying and pissing on myself all at once it was sick. Anyways afterwords I met tyler and josh. It was me and like 5 other people which was strange because I thought alot of people would want to meet them. So they did the meet and greet on there tour bus (the van) and it was so pimped out with alien shit and red bull bottles and blankets and shirts and yea I cried again. So they told me to sit in the back which was basically there bed and they shut the door so the noise wasn't so loud. Josh sat beside me and tyler was across on the other side sitting like somebody's mom. We talked about the concert and what my favorite part was, and then I asked them a few questions about touring and all. And then it kinda went silent I turned my head to look at josh's tattoo's and I didn't realize tyler started talking to me until Josh kinda squeezed my nose. (I WANTED TO DIE I STG I HAVEN'T WASHED MY NOSE SINCE) and tyler asked if I liked it as much as he did and I was like yea it's awsome but i like it 10 times more. And then tyler gave me a bitch glare before saying... drum role please.. WELL ATLEAST I GET TO TOUCH THAT ARM AND FEEL ON IT AND I SOUDED LIKE A DEMOM TRYING TO BREATH OMFG! He didn't yell it but you know.. and then I built up the courage to ask both josh and tyler what there tattoo's meant. Tyler crawled to me ( cause you can't move around in a van) and sat beside me and stuck out his pinky finger and it was small and cute and he said that you have to promise both me and josh you won't tell anyone. And I did the pinky thing and tyler talked first. I'm not saying what he said, but that tattoo saved him. The story behind it made me cry it was so beautiful. And then Josh told me his and it made sense as to why he had a galaxy with the tree. Josh's was so personal I cried again becuase he was crying and we were just sitting there crying man it was awsome. Now I know what it feels like to be high:) and after a few pictures and all that I was getting ready to leave and josh stopped me and gave me one of his shirts with a little alien on it cause he said that I was looking at it the whole time but I wasn't but I took it anyways:)))))) and then I low-key took on of there red bull cans and stuffed it in my shirt. So yes it was pretty awsome. They were both so beaitful in person and I'll never forget the color of josh's hair and how small and skinny tyler was and how the van smelled. So I wanted to add tyelr's tattoo thing in, because in the end, Tyler gets saved.. Edit soon
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