Hallelujah

Chapter 16.

We pulled into my driveway. I didn't realize how long we were out until I saw the sun deliberately sliding down behind the trees. My mom wasn't home yet which made me wonder where she was. I heard Josh turn the radio down so that we could only hear our heartbeats bumping through our bones. He unfastened his seatbelt and turned directly at me.

"I had an amzing day Tyler".

His voice was so pure and so so kind. It's like a hand reaching through your body and out the other side, and you couldn't feel a thing.

"I did too josh".

Me on the other hand, my voice still shaky from the emotions that were going in and out of my body. There was never a day where I didn't wanna look at him or I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't wanna wake up and never see his eyes again. Josh is caring towards me, and I don't know what that feels like. He worries about me even when I think he isnt. He's actually human.

"Do you wanna come inside? You've dropped me off three time's now, so I figured you'd want to see what my house looks like".

His eyes began to sparkle with excitement with the crinkles as a finishing touch. His hand moved to my shoulder blade giving it a light squeeze.

"Of course I will come in. But only if you let me go through your refrigerator!"

His voice sparked with laughter filling up the air between us. I began to laugh a little as I saw that he was serious.
***
We walked into the door and immediately I could feel the warm air sizzle on my bitter face, the same reaction with josh as he was taking his jacket off looking around.

"Nice home!"

He chirped up. If only he knew.

"Yea it's whatever. Do you want anything to drink?"I asked, walking over to kitchen and grabbing a glass waiting for an answer. As 3 seconds went by and nothing still didn't come out of his mouth, I turned to look at him. He was near the closet door admiring the very few pictures of me and family member's hanging up on the wall. His fingers grazed over a picture of me when I was 12 and full of smiles.. not a care in the world. I quietly set the glass down and watched him.

"You were s'cute as a kid ty. But now you're smoking".

My face flushed with embarrassment as one of his mocha eye's winked at me. He moved down to the next picture and stopped, taking in at what he was looking at.

"Is this momma bear?"

He asked, turning around but pointing at the same time.

"Yea. She's a bear alright". I obtained a small chuckle from him. He walked back over to me and leaned against the counter, staring into my full eyes. Our faces were so close together and I was afraid he was gonna try and miss me again. But relief drowned me as u spoke up.

"I haven't once seen those eyes light up yet. I've seen small smiles here and there, but I want the full package joseph".

"That's because he's dead inside".

I winced as I heard him talk. His demeanor was different this time. His intonation was much more louder and harsh. Almost as if he gained more power than usual. But I tired to shake off the throbbing inside my head.

"Tyler are you okay?".

I could hear the concern in his throat. His fingertips grazed my arm as he rushed over to my side examining my face for some sort of conclusion.

"Yea I'm fine. Just a little pain through me off gaurd". But I was lying, and I knew I could sense it. So I didn't look at him.

"Here". He said, taking my hand and guiding me up to the stairs.

" Let's get you in your room".

"Josh, I said I'm f-fine".

"No you're not, you'll never be fine".

And the same thing that happend before happend again. This time his words echoed which made the pain last longer.

"Ahh!!" I began clutching to both side's of my head, trying to create friction so the pain could stop. I dropped to my knees and bowed my head still grabbing at the roots of my hair.

"Tyler what's going on!?"

Today was not the day to tell josh anything. I comprehended that I was scaring him I truly wasn't trying to. I just had this gut-wrenching feeling things were gonna get screwed up.

"Tyler what's going o-"

"Go to the d-door and grab my j-jacket". By this time, the feeling was excruciating. The echo was still relevant in my head as he was finishing up the words he had just spoke. I seen Josh run over to the door and snatching my jacket into his hands.

"Here, what's in there that's gonna help you?"

I blocked him out. My main concern was getting him out of my head. It was like somebody stomping on the cave's of my head, repeatedly over and over again. I logically thought that if I take the pills, then I eouldnt hear him anymore. He was the depression. It has to work.

I reached in frantically, searching around for the small little pills.

"Tyler! Answer me!"

My fingers brushed a flood of them sitting in the smallest nook of the jacket. I took two out and hastily put them in my mouth.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE TYLERRR!"

My ears ringed with voices as it sounded like his just split into a million piece. I bent over even more and clutched my head, rocking my body back and forth. Screaming only made it worse. I tried swallowing the now damp pills on my tounge. My eyes were screwed shut as I concentrated.

"Tyler answer me please!"

I could feel the tablets gradually slide down my windpipe. The pain of them thumping against each vain adding to how I overall perceived. I felt josh's hands on my shoulder and i could sense him beside me.

"Its okay tyler. It's almost gone"

"No im not"

W: I've got major writer's block it's not even funny. I wrote these last three paragraphs to go ahead and get them out of the way. I would like to tell you guys that my friend has just passed away and I'll be logging off for a couple of days. He couldn't fight anymore and so mentally im not here rn.