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it was noon by the time both of them were showered, sat again in their previous positions. phil hated the way dan refused to wear his shirt, hated the way he carried his clothes in the bathroom with him to avoid changing in front of phil and how not even a word had escaped either of their lips. it had been four hours, and it was plain hell. phil had so much to say to dan but every time he opened his mouth, nothing was ready to come out.

same was for dan. his mind had been racing ever since their short argument and he had so much to say to phil. he wanted to yell at him, slap him and cry all at once. he had so many questions and he was so paranoid but he was too scared to hear the answers. how does it matter anyway? phil was going to leave, and its better if they end this quietly and save themselves from the pain that comes along with the truth that their relationship was simply dysfunctional.

phil finally decided to break the silence between them, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"please eat something," phil's voice was hoarse, slightly cracking as he had been silent for a while. dan hated the fact that he could hear the worry and concern behind his voice and there would be no such voice again to tell him to eat, to tell him it's okay and to tell him that he loves him.

unable to speak he just shook his head, not sure if he'll be able to open his mouth without sobbing or just straight up puking.

"i'm sorry," phil's voice was soft, and when dan looked over at the blue eyed boy he was staring right back at him.

"it's okay," dan managed to choke out, running a hand through his damp fringe and looking away from him. it was not okay. the fact that phil was simply leaving him, was not okay in any way. it made dan want to punch walls and scream and it made his mind go haywire.

"i know it's not okay," phil snapped dan out of his thoughts and stared aimlessly at his lap, fiddling nervously with his fingers. "but i don't know what else to do, nothing seems to work out for us," he admitted finally and dan glanced sideways to look at him. he felt like crying again when he saw phil harshly biting his lip, his expression full of helplessness and confusion.

"it's my fault, i am too much to handle," dan mumbles quietly, pressing his cold hands against his weltering cheeks to get rid of the growing redness.

"no you're not," phil sighed. it wasn't dan's fault. it was just the circumstances.

"but i am, phil, if my parents were more accepting, if my dad wasn't a gigantic dickhead maybe we could be fine," he took a deep breath. "maybe–maybe then you wouldn't leave me," he stuttered, feeling the wetness pool in his eyes yet again. crying seemed so natural to him now, like there wasn't a single day when he didn't feel the tears streaming down his face leaving a wet trail for his sleeves to wipe.

"i'm not leaving you," phil murmured reluctantly, pushing his damp hair back off his forehead and rubbing his eyes.

"i heard you phil there's no point in-"

"just," he took a deep breath interrupting the younger boy. "come to my parents' house with me,"

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