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15 hours.

that's how long they slept with dan's body cloaking phil's, his head buried in phil's neck and phil's hands loosely draped around his waist. they were sweating, dan's hair curling more than they already were, and phil's appeared darker as they stuck to his forehead.

the temperature in the room was high, the heaters blasting warm air, and they both were a tangled mess of heavy breathing and soft snoring but it didn't matter. somehow their position was mutually comfortable, and even after sleeping away an awful lot of time, their bodies refused to function.

after twenty minutes, phil finally opened his eyes, which were slightly sticky, retrieving one of his arms from around dan and rubbing his eyes. he tilted his head to have a look at dan, only to find his pink lips slightly parted, eyelids dropped shut and soft snores escaping his mouth. phil just kissed his forehead, reaching up to push the damp hair away from his face, wrapping his arms tighter around the younger boy.

he did not want to leave him.

somehow everything had changed ever since dan stepped into his life and now it was hard to get him out. you can't just abandon a relationship that easily, specially the relationship they shared. it was simply beautiful, and even though it had it's flaws, phil would do anything to have it forever.

it was a chaotic war between his thoughts.

he wanted to stay, of course he did, but it wasn't practical. he wanted dan's safety and happiness more than he wanted to be with him and that overpowered every thought. for how long could he ignore the fact that the reason of all this, behind all these problems was phil himself? if he hadn't fallen for dan, if dan hadn't fallen for him, everything could be normal. maybe dan would still be dating that girl he mentioned but never talked about. maybe right now he could be sat in his room thinking about his future, rather than laying in phil's arms with dried tears on his cheeks.

maybe he could be happy without phil.

a slight shuffling of dan's body caused phil to snap out of his thoughts and dan lifted his head from phil's neck slightly before rubbing his eyes. a soft yawn escaped his mouth and he opened his sleepy eyes, a small smile forming on his lips when he looked at phil's face.

"hey," he mumbled sleepily, and phil gave him a half-hearted smile as dan licked his dry lips.

"good morning," phil's voice was a bit hoarse but still soothing, and dan wanted to hear that voice every morning.

"i missed you," dan murmured softly, almost inaudible and buried his face in phil's shoulder, hugging him desperately. it was plain hell without phil and he did not know how he could ever manage being away from him.

phil did not reply, he just ran his hands up and down dan's back, and soon enough, dan broke down again, sobbing quietly into phil's shoulder, clutching his shirt tightly.

"hey, it's okay, i'm here alright?" phil felt guilty saying the words. how was he supposed to tell dan that he was leaving him soon? dan would never understand phil's point of view.

dan just shook his head against phil's skin, pulling him closer and sniffling helplessly. he felt so stupid, crying the first thing in the morning. he felt selfish because he did not ask anything about phil, only dumped himself upon the older boy so that he could comfort him.

"i'm sorry," dan's voice cracked as he pulled away from phil, cheeks pink and lips pursed as he wiped his eyes, moving to get off phil but phil stopped him, wrapping his arms tighter around his waist to make him stay in place.

"you okay?" he asked, blue eyes full of concern and worry and dan nodded his head unconvincingly. for the first time since phil came back, he noticed him. his face was pale, cheeks sucked in, his eyes had dark bags underneath him, and a slight stubble was growing on his chin. his lips were chapped, and hair were greasy and dan could feel his heart clenching at the sight.

"are you okay?" he retaliated, and phil just sighed, leaning forward and kissing his forehead again.

"don't worry about me," he said, gently pushing dan off him and getting out of bed. dan panicked once he saw phil get out bed, adjusting his hair slightly and his eyebrows furrowed a bit. he got out of the duvet as well, sitting on the edge of the bed and his eyes followed phil's movements.

"where are you going?" his voice was slightly frantic, wondering if phil was leaving again, but phil just looked at him with confused eyes before he realised that this was almost exactly what happened the other day.

"nowhere, i was just going to pee," phil gave him a soft smile and dan sighed out of relief, eyes raking across phil's lean figure. he had lost weight, and looked like he hadn't eaten in days and dan frowned at the thought, feeling the lump grow in his throat once again.

"dan? why are you crying baby, i was just going to the," phil sighed, walking back towards dan and standing between his legs, cupping his face to make him look at phil. he wiped his flushed cheeks, pushing his hair back softly, before crouching down and taking dan's hands between his.

"i'm sorry okay? i won't leave you again," and although dan believed the words and nodded, phil knew that he was lying.

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there will be a double update so make sure to check it out ;) x

alSo, my poor innocent readers, i will give you some smut soon😇😇