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dan was going crazy.

he was anxious and fidgety, hands shaking and body hot. his appetite was lost and it wasn't that he was intentionally not eating, he tried, but everytime he did, his constantly churning stomach made him throw up. his hair was tousled from pulling every now and then and his eyes were burning from lack of slumber and sudden mental breakdowns.

phil couldn't leave him.

the hotel room was warm, too warm to be comfortable and dan's skin was coated in a thin layer of sweat. his arms held nail marks, displaying the painful anxiety he was suffering from, and his fingers were shaking. his eyes were glued to his phone, alternately travelling to the door that has been closed ever since phil left.

every time there was a knock on the door, dan's heart was basically in his mouth, his eyes lighting up only slightly at the thought of phil returning, only to be hit by reality and disappointment of the hotel housekeeping or room service.

he was overwhelmed with the situation. he was too dependant on phil's soft touches and his heavy breathing and his bright eyes and his warm embrace, and without phil, it seemed like his body had stopped functioning. it was maddening, the way he would psychotically talk to himself, assuring himself that phil will be back.

he was scared.

his parents could knock on this door anytime, and push dan into a worse case of therapy or even a mental hospital to get rid of his eccentric and unacceptable sexuality. his father was borderline psychopathic and he would do anything to get rid of dan's label of being queer.

he had no support, economically, physically or emotionally. this was the reason why he was hesitant to move in with phil because he knew that soon phil would get tired of him and leave him with no back-up whatsoever, and that is exactly what happened. here dan was, in the middle of nowhere, in a hotel for which he did not have money, and he had no one to call and no place to be.

did phil even care? the thought of phil leaving dan stranded in a hotel like this seemed hard to get across dan's chaotic head. he knew phil loved him, and there was no proof that he needed to verify the fact. but for how long can you be in a toxic relationship before finally giving up?

it had been five torturous days, and dan was sick. his mind was bruised with the thought of helplessness, and his rationality was almost vacant. he did not know what the hell to do. should he wait for phil or just run away from here? should he go to phil's apartment or the police to file a missing report about his lover?

he had no idea if phil was even okay.

eventhough dan was going through a mental breakdown, he was worried for phil's health and sanity. he would never stop blaming himself if something happened to phil, even if it wasn't his fault.

he just wanted phil to be okay, to be here, to just knock on the damn door and kiss him. he wanted phil to take him away, a place where his parents couldn't reach them, a place where they could start fresh, and it doesn't matter how unrealistic it sounds but he wants to properly run away with phil and start a new life. he wants a house and a dog and a job, a homecooked meal they would prepare together and lay on his chest at night. he wanted another world, where it was only them, and no one else, but it all felt like a dream because phil was gone, and he had no idea if he was coming back.

what if phil does come back? should he forgive phil for what he has put him through or just cling onto him and cry on his shoulder because he desperately missed him? it was crazy.

dan was going crazy.

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here goes the much awaited actual chapter
thaNkS agaiN for 300k ily u gUys