Parenthood ruin lives - Minsung

Chapter 61

Nights became sleepless for Jisung.

Waking up the next days was hard. Or, if anyone could actually wake up when they didn't sleep one bit.

He stood up, feeling like a zombie. He had this constant weird feeling at his stomach, as if he was constantly nauseous. The anxiety taking a toll on him.

Ava was almost saddened noticing the gloomy mood of her father, who did his best to wear a forced smile.

And as always, it was hard to see Ava walk around with the Soonie plushie in her little hands, he could almost hear Minho's voice coo at that.

He made her breakfast like the other days, trying to stay a correct father, as if he wasn't scared of his life falling down completely.

He would bring her to school, then finally being able to be his depressed self during the day, having to patience around his shitty coworker anymore.

He missed his boyfriend. A lot.

Going back home that night, he was sincerely fed up of his depressing mood.

It was too stupid to feel like that and to stay like that.

He hated the way his mood worn off on Ava, who would be more silent. She was already a too quiet kid, he didn't need her to be more like that. He needed to act on it.

Jisung decided that he isn't going to fall into a stupid depressed state. He isn't going to let the situation fall in a waiting circle where he torture himself.

If he could, than he'll do his best to rearrange the situation. If he could, he wanted to reassure his boyfriend.

Because even if the situation was complicated, Jisung didn't want to let it down. Jisung wouldn't give up on the happiness Minho had brought him since those last months.

He thought again about the begining of their relationship. Or even situationship.

The way Minho had opened up about being so scared. The way Minho had even ghosted him at some point, too fearful of having responsabilities.

And Jisung had gotten mad, irritated.

But since then, the situation changed.

Minho wasn't ignoring him, he had been honest on needing some time for himself. Minho had done thousands of efforts, he had accepted Ava, he had created a relation with her, he even called himself Daddy. It was efforts. It was progress.

He spent too much time doubting him.

He already doubted him, in the past. Now Jisung believes that Minho is able to accept all of that all over again, he just needs a little push to remind himself of it.

Now, he only wants to show him.

Show him that he deserves him. Show him that it isn't as scary as he thinks.

Show him that parenthood wouldn't ruin his life.

He needs to change the way he has been around Minho. He doesn't need to be waiting for the older to fall in complicated thoughts. He should reassure him.

Minho had slightly disappeared.

It didn't help Jisung's new founded motivation to reassure him.

He barely texted him.

everything good ?

yes, i'm sorry ji

i'm a bit absent minded, sorry, i'll get back soon, i'm sorry

no need to be sorry

i love you min

i love you too ji

It hurt, of course. But he wanted to be understanding.

The older had communicated, had been honest, and doesn't stop apologizing.

It isn't the mean and lost Minho anymore. It's the hurt and reflective one. He's thinking, and it's okay, it's legit.

Deciding to be the smarter one, Jisung thought about a way to make Minho sure of himself.

He spent an hour overthinking on his couch, wondering what kind of thing could make an electroshock on Minho's mind, to remind him he's well with him.

He still didn't know, so he called his babysitter.

He decided to go to Chan. He was the one who knew him the best, anyway.

"Minho hasn't responded to me in a long time" Chan had stated first thing "Did something happened ?"

"It did, yeah" Jisung smiled sadly.

"What ?" Chan asked, full of concern.

"His mom came here, and said ... not too nice things about us" He chuckled dryly "She reminded Minho that he shouldn't act as a father now, because it might ruin his life at some point"

"His mother said what ?!" Chan asked, frowning. He really didn't like that, and even less the fact that Minho didn't tell him at all.

"I know ..." Jisung shook his head.

"Damn... That's why he's so doubting, then" Chan said, everything becoming way clearer.

"Yep ..." He sighed "I always knew it had something to do with his parents, but I didn't think it'll be immediately linked ... She really put those ideas in his head"

"Right ..." Jisung sighed "Can I ask you something ?"

"Mmh ?"

"I want him back" Jisung said, confident "I don't know how, but I want to show him I can get him back"

Chan smiled softly at that. The love between the two was somehow fascinating.

"I always liked to give Minho a little push" Chan explained "He tends to avoid complicated situations, which always put him in even more complicated situations"

"I noticed" Jisung chuckled

"It needs to be frontal. You need to put him right in front of the situation and force him to act on it. If not, he'll continue to procrastinate it" Chan continued, while Jisung nodded.

"Okay ..."

"What do you want to do ?" Chan asked curiously

"Show him I'm deserving of his love and presence" He smiled softly

"He knows that, Ji" Chan softened

"He needs to be reminded, then" He responded, more firmly

"Yeah" Chan smiled "I like that spirit"

"What should I do ?" Jisung asked, pouty

"Simple" He shrugged, confident "Just tell him all of this"

"What ?"