Fixing Noah / Finding Noah - #ForNoah | +18 | BWWM

30 | Wait

For some reason even though it was just practiced several times I failed the rip current. My tired body would get worn out and my brain thought that I could swim around it. And if i just kept working hard as I could that I'd be able to get to the side of a huge Noah beating the rip current. The kids were gone playing on the beach and they couldn't care about us. The clear water of the shores of California could put a few tropical islands to shame.

"One more time," I said to Noah with determination. He looked skeptical that the training was going to work out. I could almost hear his brain thinking that he was going to watch me like a hawk anytime I was near water.

"Are you sure?" He stressed the sure as if he could quietly convince me. Damn, Noah is just so earnest sometimes.

"Yes, I'm totally sure." I told him. "Any advice?" He thought about it for a second standing shirtless like a giant in the clear blue water. Ocean waves lapped at his naked broad chest while I couldn't stand in the water if I tried.

"When it comes to Riptides, it's hard to surrender to the water. You are being pulled out to sea so fast and were taught never to stop fighting. But the only way to save yourself is to surrender to the riptide." And with those few words from Noah clicked in my mind quickly. I couldn't stop fighting. I'd been fighting for so long that I didn't understand not fighting for every inch. They say black women are born tired. Some black women are more tired than others. But I didn't know how to stop fighting to try and make it so my head was above water. The concept was so foreign which makes sense why I couldn't do it as easily. My kid's trusts Noah and life hasn't taught them to be tired in the same way. They are a new generation and I love that for them. But I am... and it's hurting me. He leans me back bringing my legs up and my head resting against his back. He talks me through the riptide slowly and I keep my eyes closed imagining it again. But this time I surrendered to the pull, letting it pull me out gently.

And for a second time I surrendered to the riptide but this time I trusted Noah fully, I let him take me. Every bit of my weight, I wasn't beyond tears; I wasn't beyond anything. I whisper into his ears what happened. I let him take it all. Everything I had was all of it. And he kept me turning away from Theo and his greedy gaze as the rain fell. I felt no cold, only the salty sea and trees, pure Noah.

"I got you," Noah said.

I trusted, and I told him everything.

Nothing was left but us and the pain. I breathed through it big arms untrusting of any tears at all even though I was being cleansed. Because a few seconds more I wasn't sure what would be left of me and who was coming out on the other side.

We stayed like that locked together just out of reach of the ferocious cameras. Set aside from the world and my storm still raged. Combining with the falling rain as all those emotions could reach me. As they reshaped me in his arms. So much time passed, and he didn't let me go. As the rain washed my salty tears away. Too much had happened, I thought they were going to kill Noah, my kids are in trouble, everything it was too much.

"I am sorry," Noah said. "I should have told you about the blackmail."

"Blackmail?" Back the fuck up more. I had no more room for more nothing was left. Fucking blackmail? Lifting my head from Noah's neck I was caught in his sad ocean gaze.

"Yes, Drama's Kiss sent my agent a video. It-" he stop talking mid-sentence. My mind kicked into overdrive scumbitch sent Noah blackmail.

"So, you slept with her?" I asked hesitantly. The answer had the power to destroy me completely but if she did that to him it would be even more fucked up.