Fixing Noah / Finding Noah - #ForNoah | +18 | BWWM

17 | Biscuits - Part 3

Water pours into the kitchen sink. Noah shuts the water off after washing his hands. I finish wiping my hands up then I pass him the kitchen towel. The anger didn't go away like I wanted it to. He takes the towel from me and I see something in his hands. Red marks? I tilt my head to the side but keep going. The mad rides me so damn hard I'm damn twitchy. Stepping around Noah to gather ingredients for the biscuits. Then I gathered the baking tin. He sits at the kitchen table and watches me closely. His eyes were still filled with that something I couldn't put my finger on. We didn't talk. Not a single word after Carly left. I preheated the oven for the biscuits.

Last time he couldn't even stay in the same room with me. My gaze connects once more with his moving hands. Then he quickly hides them under the white tablecloth from me again. ...Nerves? I stop by his chair in the kitchen. It hurt, it's something Noah didn't do before. Quietly saying he couldn't trust me with things he went to great effort to hide. Most people wouldn't know Noah was autistic. He was part of that generation of people who had autism before they made huge efforts. His mother was told by her priest and church group that giving him bleach would help cure him. Yeah, fucking crazy. I remember talking to him about it more than once. If his father had not hired Sabali's and Maurice's mother to work with, he probably wouldn't be able to talk. The music and arts therapy saved his life.

A part of me waited for Noah to say something. When you give him time to say it he normally does. He wasn't walking away like last time so maybe he wants to fire me again. Mission accomplish I work for Sabali and Zoey now. I'm good and fired. The witchy bitch is dead.

Those ocean-blue eyes never connect with me and as always I missed his eyes the most. His eye contact with me was rare but when it's on you, it feels like when he used to tell me I shined. I felt it in my soul. For him I shined, and I loved that. Now, I probably don't shine for him anymore. I stand by the table and give him the time he needs. Red dots bloom on the white tablecloth like a sickly red rose blooming in a cemetery.

"Noah?" His ocean eyes met mine. Then those blues slid away from me and hide behind his long hair. The sandy locks are much longer than it used to be, he needs a haircut. "Noah, let me see your hand." I put the biscuit ingredients down on the table. Holding my hand out to him and I said the words softly worry coating each syllable. "Let me see your hands.... please."

Noah places one of his hands in mine dwarfing mine. I turn his hand over palm up. Oozy red crescents of blood dig into the meaty part of his palm. He also had several older brown scars. My eyelids close shutting out the pain in his hand. Oh, Noah what have you done? Wetness gathers behind my vision, and my world shrunk to this tiny kitchen that is filled with water. That drowns like everything else in my life.

I connected that something I saw in his gaze that I couldn't place with when he hid his hand from me. It was so hard to place that anger and pain. But I got it now. It fell horribly into place. I held out my other hand for his other hand. He placed it into mine and they were matching sets. His fingernails had dug in so deep that blood was in his palm.

We needed to talk. Hell, we needed to talk on the day he left.

"Noah, You can't use my body to hurt yourself." Because being with me was painful, maybe he couldn't figure it us out? But whatever was going on he couldn't use my body to hurt himself. That is so fucked up, I have no words. "I don't mind angry sex, we can talk it out. We can fool around, I'm fine with that. But you can never use my body to hurt yourself. You will never touch me like that again." Hia sandy locks fell back and ocean blue caught me. "Ever." I sunk promise into the word.

Neptune's stubborn streak set in. That same expression when he fired me spread across his face. "Why did you do that?" He said the words slowly as if he'd been holding on to them tightly. I couldn't let go of his hands but the question had my legs almost go out on me. Without grace, I drop into the chair next to him. His gigantic hands take up so much space and I cradle them. Yeah, I knew what he was asking.