Ecstasy

Confidential

"All secrets become deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets."

- Excerpt from Cory Doctorow

"Really?" I ask.

"You didn't know?" I press my lips tightly together and shake my head.

Why would he keep something like that from me?

"I mean you're his girlfriend after all. I really thought you know. I probably told you something you weren't supposed to know."

I look down at my champagne. The contents now become unpleasant to even look at much less drink anymore. I swirl my glass watching the beige liquid dance around its confinement.

"He doesn't tell me stuff," I mumble, not even caring anymore that Sergei is the one I'm talking to and not anyone else.

He scoffs, "I can't imagine being with someone who hides stuff about themselves. Especially to their significant other."

"Sergei!" someone seethes and I look to see Enzo and he begins complaining to Sergei in Russian.

Another thing I'm left out in.

Sergei only looks at me, not even giving Enzo a glance. I continue holding eye-contact, still thinking about the conversation we just shared between the two of us.

He gives me a smile and Enzo catches up.

"Come on, Brielle," he snaps, grabbing my wrist and pulling me away from the bar. I can't even grab my champagne, he's practically dragging me away with him.

He finally slows down and I'm by his side again. He places his hand on my waist and we follow the crowd into a different room.

It must be time for speaking then. He was looking for me and found us talking together.

I'm glad he's not mad at me for speaking to him but I already guessed it.

I still can't stop thinking about what Sergei told me. Does he really not trust me? I don't believe that's it because he told me he loved me and you don't just love someone and not trust them with information.

"Lorenzo?" I ask and he turns to me. I look into his eyes before proceeding with my sentence. He looks at me adoringly. He's not mad whatsoever.

"You know what you said earlier this month?" I say, "About you all suffering with mental illnesses."

"Bri-"

I quickly rush out in hope that he doesn't think I'm pushing him, "You don't have to talk about it now but..."

"I don't want to talk about it. Didn't I say that?" he recalls and I press my lips together, trying to think of something to say.

"I know that but maybe now you're ready," I explain, "I especially want to know about Dariya."

"Didn't I say to fucking drop it? Razdrazhayushchiy," he grumbles and I do. I stay quiet and just follow him into the dining room because I don't want him to yell at me again.

Now I feel even worse than before.

Sergei would've told me if I asked him wouldn't he?

I know Lorenzo has secrets but are they so special that I don't deserve to know them?

I mean he's in the mafia, a murderer, and I know that. How can anything be worse than that?

I've been in a sour mood during the speeches and I feel like Enzo knows that.