The Boy From The Bridge - Jakehoon

Chapter 98: Illumination under Moonlight 5/7

Jay felt his heart leap at the sight of his friends. He had been feeling glum, tired and alone. Despite every attempt he had made to to console and fix himself there was always part of him missing. This unknowable quantity within him that felt empty. Jay had recognised its presence accompanying him that night, stalking his alone time with his thoughts. 

What was meant to be a time to reflect on a course of action had soon devolved into listening to self-pitying playlists that allowed him to wallow in lament. Part of him knew that it was unwise but it just felt right. Despite knowing that he should just do what his mum requested and try and give everything to get a place at an arts school he lacked the energy and the drive.  

Then there was his girl, Eunju, he cared about her, she was cute and caring and everything a teenage boy like him should want but he also felt distant. Jay couldn't articulate to himself what he felt but he supposed it felt like he was just playing a part, well, but it was only a part. Be the boyfriend, say the right things, lean when a shoulder is offered to rest upon and then in return be that shoulder when the time came. Not that the time had come yet - Eunju had everything put together. 

Heck, everyone had themselves together. Heeseung was already acting like a college student and even Sunghoon seemed to have found some kind of resolve. Jay supposed he had enjoyed the comfort of being best friends with someone who was socially dysfunctional for the majority of high school - it made him feel better about himself. Now Sunghoon was outwardly confident in his abilities Jay was resigned to watch his best friend manifest into something better and greater than the boy he had known. 

Maybe, Jay had mused, that's why he liked Jungwon. In 'Jungwonie' Jay actually had someone who, like him was struggling. Not outwardly, not always, but inside, there was a boy facing a world of obstacles that he didn't know quite how to overcome. There was a comradeship between them, a silent understanding that they could both relate to each other in a way neither was able to fully express. That was the worst part Jay had realised, he'd allowed his fondness for Jungwon to consume him, to make him jealous and to stop wanting the best for his younger friend. Jay presumed it was because he was  older that he should progress first, and that  that was fair, and then when the time came he would be there to help Jungwon grow. 

But instead, Jungwon had been impatient and had  sort ways to improve himself, to grow both physically and mentally and he had done so without allowing  himself to be cowed into dating just because other people wanted him to. He was his own man, and that made Jay jealous. 

Jay realised at the moment  he probably presented more of an obstacle to Jungwon than a helping friend. The feeling that sentiment created within him echoed the wider sense of despondency that had been embracing him that night. It was so consuming and intoxicating that Jay had to widen his eyes when he saw the familiar silhouettes of two teenagers and a dog materialise beneath a street light. 

The hard texture of his heart softened at the sight of Sunghoon, 'Jaeyun' and Artemis. Right now,  all Jay needed was a friend. 

When he had called to them he hadn't even be surprised by the characteristically tepid response from Sunghoon. It wasn't like the Ice Prince to be comfortable with being called to at night. Jay smiled at the thought of Sunghoon getting momentarily scared as his two friends turned to greet him. 

"Jay?" Sunghoon had repeated, this time more quietly than before. 

"Yo, what are you guys doing?" Jay asked, immediately trying to instigate a conversation despite the reason for their walk being patently obvious. 

"Walking the dog" 'Jaeyun' said, with a casual flick of a finger towards the large white canine next to them. 

Jay turned to nod at Artemis  before turning back to his friends, she was sitting down, seemingly waiting. Struck suddenly, Jay remembered that 'Jaeyun' and Sunghoon hadn't been moving when he had joined them. "Why were you guys hanging out under the street lamp?" he asked.