The Boy From The Bridge - Jakehoon

Chapter 19: Late Night Reflections 7/7

Jake woke suddenly. It didn't feel like he had been asleep long. But the apartment was quiet and there was no light creeping through the bottom of his bedroom door so Jungkook must have gone to sleep. Everything was tranquil and peaceful, why then had he woken up? His bladder then dawned on him and he realised that he hadn't yet emptied himself fully or maybe the gallons of water he felt he had drunk before sleeping had taken a toll on him. Lightly and gently, Jake slipped out of the covers and headed to his bathroom.

He had been discreet enough that when he returned it did not appear to have woken Sunghoon. Jake found himself stopping before re-entering the bed. One rarely has the chance to observe someone unless they are distracted and there are no eyes on oneself, but here fait had presented him with a chance. Sure, being the cruel mistress that she is, she had deprived him of light but Jake was aware of his friend's presence nonetheless. Jake's head was still spinning and it felt as if his brain was off balance, he decided to focus on the pattern of Sunghoon's breathing to stop the dizziness. The small pattern of inhale then exhale was the only sound.

Jake couldn't help but enjoy listening to it. He compared the dormant being he was listening to with that which he had engaged with previously; the boy who was distraught because he couldn't kiss a girl, the boy who had videos of him exhibiting the very peak of elegance and beauty on ice, the same boy who'm he was teaching to swim and the boy's who's first kiss he'd taken. A pang of sadness went across Jake as he decided to get into the bed, 'this boy doesn't even know my real name'.

'Was this right?' - keeping secrets from someone who was so open to letting down his guard to him. Someone who trusted him but who Jake couldn't bring himself to tell him anything about who he really was.

"Sunghoon?" Jake whispered. There was no response and the slumbering breathing pattern continued. "I wonder how it would feel to be honest with you? Heck, with anyone?" Jake continued speaking in the hushed fashion as he pressed his head into his pillow, facing the ceiling.

"I'm not who I say who I am. I'm just a kid, a runaway from a family who treats him like crap - I have no idea what I'm doing or who I am - and while I'm being honest - I've never kissed anyone before tonight. I just didn't want to say as given that I'm a person starting from scratch I can create an image of myself that I want people to see, rather than one that is real. I can be cool and cavalier, funny and bold. There's more you should know about me, I've hurt people, deliberately hurt people who cared for me and maybe in some kind of way loved me. I think they deserved it, but it hurts - the guilt that I am capable of that hurts me. But how can I even apologise? I'm a ghost now. A ghost on the other side of the planet. Do I go back? Should I go back?" Small tears formed in the corners of Jake's eyes, "My name is Jake by the way - I want you to call me that one day" and with that he buried his head into his pillow and drifted to sleep to the sounds of Sunghoon's breathing.

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A few inches away in reality but in an altogether different dimension Sunghoon dreamt. He was getting out of the pool and following 'Jaeyun' into the changing rooms. As normal he was lagging behind his friend. He watched as 'Jaeyun' went into his cubicle - there was the sound of the water, then the towel went up to hang on its wall and they were followed by 'Jaeyun's' swimming trunks. Sunghoon watched them, the same way he always watched them. This time however he was interrupted by a female voice, a voice who's judgement he trusted and who's authority he respected, "you love him - don't you?"

"What?" Sunghoon asked. He couldn't turn his head as he was transfixed on the towel and swimwear.

"You love him" the voice repeated

"Why would I love him?" Sunghoon asked

"I don't need to answer that when you already know that you do" Sunghoon was now sure the voice was that of Gi's.

"But I am not gay - how can I love a guy if I'm not gay?" Sunghoon protested

The voice of Gi did not relent, "But you do love him and if you love him you will hurt him"

"But I don't love him so how can I hurt him?"

"Don't!"

Gi's voice was so forceful in its meaning that it caused Sunghoon to wake. It was morning and Jungkook's dog, Artemis had climbed onto their bed. Sunghoon's head was still a little weak. The dog's arrival caused 'Jaeyun' to wake up also. "Uhhhhhh", the newly awaken boy groaned as the effect of the alcohol was still hurting his mind.

"How do you feel?" Sunghoon asked, laughing at the state of his friend.

"Like I'm falling off a ship in a storm" The response was murmured. 

"Well at least one of us knows what it's like to be drunk - so I guess it was a success" The reaction to the positive appraisal of the situation was unspoken, 'Jaeyun' gave a 'thumbs up' instead of speaking.

"Ha ha, well I guess you should continue resting, I'm going to head home and take a shower - maybe I'll catch you later but judging by your present state you're going to need a fair amount of time to be ready for school tomorrow morning." Sunghoon's line didn't provoke any response from his significantly impaired friend.

Sunghoon gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder before wriggling out of the bed, trying his best not to disturb 'Jaeyun'. Sunghoon grabbed up his clothes into a bundle, and made for the door. As his bedroom's shower was only five doors away Sunghoon opted not to get dressed. Jungkook was still asleep so he didn't think anyone would see him, however when he got to his front door he realised that his apartment keys were in one of his pockets and he had to struggle to find them.

While struggling he got startled by a loud cough. Gi had just walked out of her parents' apartment and was shocked by the sight she saw, "well, I'm glad one of us is having busy Saturday nights!" she begun.

Sunghoon couldn't hide his embarrassed smile, "Not what it looks like Gi! I just forgot my pyjamas for a sleepover"

"Ha, ha - sure"

"I'm being serious" Sunghoon pleaded.

"Look Hoonie, I don't judge. I just want you to be happy. And judging by your boxers, you are!"

In a sudden moment of realisation, the curse of being a male in the morning caught Sunghoon out. He quickly moved his bundle of clothes to cover himself. The act made Sunghoon's keys fall from inside the bundle. He picked them up quickly, using them to escape into his apartment, too embarrassed to say anything else to Gi.

Once in his shower, Sunghoon thought about the night before: 'would Jaeyun remember it? What was Yun going to say back at school? What was his subconscious try to say to him through that weird interrogation in his sleep?'

Going through the cavalcade of thoughts Sunghoon only remembered arguably his most monumental moment of last night when he caught sight of himself in the mirror, "well, at least I've finally had my first kiss".

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Jakehoon fanfic 2.7