If only

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"But what's the problem?" Dazai asks.

"You wouldn't look at me the entire time!" Atsushi shouts, nose flaring and fists trembling at his sides.

"So you just want me to ignore my friends to stare at you? What sort of logic is that?" Dazai glared down at him, his tone snarly. His grip on the empty teacup tightened.

"Of course not! You just didn't acknowledge my presence the entire time!" Atsushi shouts once more, desperately trying to get his point across.

"What do you mean I didn't acknowledge you? I held your hand the entire time! Isn't that enough for you?" Dazai points accusingly at his boyfriend.

"I know you did. But even so.."

"Even so what? You're making absolutely no sense." The brunette scowls down at him. Hand still clenched tight around the porcelain, Atsushi feared he would break it.

"I'm not making sense?! I repeated what was wrong, 7 times already! You're not listening to me!" Atsushi throws his hands up, jaw shut closed.

"You're such a struggle to understand." Dazai smooths his hand across his face, sighing exasperatedly.

"I'm such a struggle? You're not listening to me!"

"What did you want me to do?! Display our relationship in front of my friends? Fucking, shoving it all over their faces?"

"No! I just wanted you to at least be proud of being with me! You acted as if I wasn't there! Just something to fly past after introducing our relationship!" Atsushi's eyes welled with tears, anger sizzling deep inside his soul. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, nails digging into his sweating palms.

"I am proud of being with you! Geez! You're making me feel all pressured now. Making me do things I don't fucking want to." Dazai mumbles out, hand tightens around his brown hair, tugging.

"Well you sure as hell didn't seem like it! I just...don't you love me?" Atsushi asks weakly.

"Of course I do. What does that have to do with this?" Dazai sneers, standing up from his seat. Leaving the teacup on the table.

"It has everything to do with this!" Atsushi screams, tears already trailing down his face.

"How?" He throws back over his shoulder.

"...."

"Exactly. God, you're being annoying." Dazai whips his hair to the side, eyes rolling.

"I'm sorry...I just thought." Atsushi hangs his head, palms stinging with his buried nails.

"You're always thinking. Just stop. It's irritating when you voice your thoughts to me. I always have to reassure you, it's draining!" Dazai exhales sharply, already moving toward the door.

"Don't you love me?" Atsushi asks again, maybe this time he'll get the answer he wants.

"Not when you're like this." The knob was gripped, turned to the side and the door opened. "I'm going to hang with Chuuya, don't bother waiting up."

The door slams shut.

Atsushi moved, stepping over where Dazai last sat. Grabbing the cup from it's position and hauling it to the front door. The glass shattered, the noise drowning out the breaking of Atsushi's heart. He couldn't even stop Dazai if he tried, maybe he should've listened to his head instead of his heart, all those years ago.

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