HORNS (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 152

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Two

I was sitting with my hands folded, smack dab in the middle of a huge crowded cafe that looked more to me like a Barnes and Nobles bookstore inside of a mall than a college building.

There were round tables with comfortable arm chairs stationed all around them, and long rows of curriculum-oriented bookshelves lined the western wall of the room. There were a ton of computer stations, too.

On the other side of the massive high-roofed room was a wide entryway leading to a Starbucks coffee shop and a Subway, both jammed together into one big space, half-and-half. My dad, like me, had been extremely shocked not just by the unique interior design of the cafeteria, but also by how full it was. Students of every age and even some professors were sitting at tables together, talking, reading, eating, studying, and laughing.

Many more were sitting at desks, some girls with their hair done, some with theirs tied up lazily in buns, several with glasses, and many more without. Generic guys with backpacks at their feet, clicking away at stuff, typing.

Slurping coffee.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to this," I said softly, and my dad's eyes found mine. The two of us were sitting by ourselves at one of the few completely empty tables in the corner furthest from the normal human population. "I can't seem to wrap my head around it."

"What do you mean?" he quietly asked, studying me. "You'll fit right in, make no mistake."

I smiled weakly, but it was wry... and oddly, his words of encouragement didn't hit my heart the way they would have a few months ago.

I couldn't really figure out why.

"I'm not like them," I pointed out, gesturing at the deafening throng. "I'm scared that... I might get people hurt? I dunno. I haven't really stopped to think about things from a rational point of view. Back then I was just... desperate, you know? To be normal for a change."

My dad opened his mouth, then froze and his eyes changed, going blank. I made a face at the strange look, trying to piece my emotions into a better and more understandable flow of words. 

"Back when I first applied to college," I said slowly, sighing through my nose, "it was because I wanted to experience life with my friends. As a trio. I wanted to learn with them, together... all of us. Back then, Kip and Erika were... pack. My pack. I think... in my mind... I was their alpha. They were my humans, you know? I was excited to experience life with them... but... now...?"

I trailed off, giving a shrug. 

I didn't want to seem like a flake, but the truth was, after everything that had happened... I'd lost my motivation to do anything at all. I'd lost my dreams. My one and only driving force had been to stay strong and make something of myself... to never admit defeat, even to myself.

To be fine.

And to stay fine.

Even if becoming happy wasn't an option, I'd at least opted to become successful--and until recently, I'd stuck to my guns.

But what was even the point?

I'd already failed at everything.

I'd failed to be strong.

I'd failed to be happy.

I'd failed to be a good person.

I'd failed life even before I'd reached an opportunity to succeed, and now, I didn't have anyone to blame my burning emotions on because Yuma was being brought to justice. Any hatred and anger I had inside me was my responsibility now. It sucked. It made me feel tired and sad and bitter and like a shitty person in general.