Chances | Dazai X Reader

Twenty • Stay With Me

"Well at least I found out sooner than later."

• • •

"Yeah, well Mori never really said anything about it until Dazai complained about how loud I was yelling. Keep in mind, he totally deserved to get yelled at," Chuuya explained to you. Well, that clears up a lot, doesn't it? "No damn wonder neither one of you cared about how loud you were," You say, lost in your own thoughts.

"Well, either way, I wouldn't really mind how loud either of you were," He says, turning to face you. And fuck, the smirk on his face is so big that even Chuuya notices it.

Chuuya clears his throat quickly, acting like it was hurting from raising his voice, "Anyways, so now that we've cleared that up," He says, stretching out a small strained muscle in his upper back. "What'd I miss?"

A shit ton Chuuya. And you don't even want to know.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, actually," Dazai's quick to say. And his brain is finally working the way it normally does, quick responses, and his usual masked expressions. He's enjoying himself here, there's no doubt about that, but he also really wants to go back to his room so he can think by himself.

Because now that Chuuya's back and well, he has to go back to the image that everyone else has in their mind of him. And it's shitty that he even used it as an excuse, and he knows it is, but he can be selfish sometimes. It's nothing that he could control anyway.

He doesn't even realize that he's spaced out until you hit him on the arm gently, and when he looks up to meet your eyes, his mind wanders again. Thinking about when you were waiting in the hallway with him and he just wanted to—

"Dazai? Are you tired or something?" You say, raising an eyebrow at the man. "Huh? No, I'm good," He replies immediately, his vision still a little unfocused. "Chuuya, do you need anything? Like water or something?" You ask him when you notice him sitting on his bed. "Water would be nice, thank you."

"What about you, Dazai?"

"Water would be good, thank you, [Y/N]." You smile at him quickly before turning and going to grab water.

He wants to say he hates you, but that'd only be a lie.

He wants to drive you as far as he can, because he's so scared. Not about himself, but about you, because he doesn't feel like he'd be enough for someone like you. He does not care that this could only hurt him more, right now, all he wants is to keep you happy.

He doesn't want to care.

And there's this stupid voice in his head saying that he still wants you. Not in a sexual way, but a way where he can hold you, stay with you, and just be with you. He hates that he even has these feelings in the first place. He thought that they'd go away over time, but they haven't, and it's driving him insane.

He can feel his heart beating faster in panic, so he takes deep breaths, controlling his own beating heart. Dazai isn't even sure where and when he's learned the skill to control his heartbeat, but it's just become so natural to him that he doesn't question it.

He wants to hug you, he wants to kiss you again because it felt so good to finally hold the person he's wanted for what felt like ages.

Everything you once had is broken, and he knows it has. All he keeps thinking about is whether or not there's a way to fix that bond from before. Because he didn't even get the chance to tell you that he actually feels something for you, that it wasn't just a random lonely kiss. That it was something he's always dreamed of, something he's wanted for so long.