(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Healing Hearts Part 1

They had finished lunch and he was cleaning up the kitchen area, when the phone on the table vibrated indicating a text message.

-Derek, sorry didn't want to bother before but couldn't wait anymore need to know is Mer ok, are you ok

He picked up the phone and smiled. "Rambling text," he joked.

"Lexie..." she asked.

"Yes, do you want to respond?"

"I don't ...I don't want to hurt her feelings and she may say she wants to see me, and I' m not sure if I'm ready to see everyone, but we did ask Kathleen and Mark, and Kathleen told her about...about...the baby."

"Meredith, I can respond," he said, trying to hide a smile at the similarities of the two sisters.

"You're laughing at me...at us..."

"Never."

"Now you lie..."

"Not laughing at you, laughing with you...I have never seen anything like it...the rambling, both of you, and she does it on text messages."

She was able to appreciate the humor and picked up the phone, replied and waited for a response.

-Lex, it's me
-Meredith?
-Yes, I'm here with Derek
-Mer, I'm sorry so sorry
-I know, it means a lot you care
-I love you Meredith
-don't make me cry
-ok
-I'm very sad lex, heartbroken
-oh ,mer,can I help
-you are already
-do you need anything, you or Derek
-we're trying to be ok
-can I see you soon, when ur ready
-not today...maybe tomorrow
-ok
-mark is bringing kathleen by later, I want him to, for D
-I understand
-I'll need you too, I'll need my sister
-just call me or text...ok
-thanks lex
-get some rest ok
-I will
-tell Derek I said to take care of you
-yes, xena
-tell him I hope he's ok too
-I will, see u tomorrow
-ok

"Derek, Lexie said she hopes you're ok."

"That's all she said, after all those texts back and forth."

"You can read it," she said and kissed him softly, "I'm going to lie down. I'm very tired."

He reached for her hand and pulled her along with him until she sat on the bed, and he sat next to her and gently pushed her back to rest against the pillows.

"You don't need to be strong for me," he told her when he saw the familiar biting of her lip and the distant look attempting to avoid meeting his gaze, "you don't need to hold back your emotions or your tears," I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to be here, and we can share all those feelings together."

"I don't want to drag you down..."

"Meredith...we lost our baby...just hours ago...my heart is as sad as yours."

"But...I've been strong...Derek...so much of my life...I've had to be strong...and just go on...and now...I can't be...and...."

"You don't have to be strong..." he said while bringing his hand to her face, and gently caressing her cheek with his thumb, "I'm going to be strong for you...and when I fail...because I will, we have each other to hold on to...ok?"

"Yes," she said softly, "will you hold me now."

"As long as you need," he said as he lay beside her and held her.


"Derek..."

"Why don't you get some rest, try to sleep."

"Derek..." she said, as she wiped away the tears that refused to be held back, "I'm not ok."

He reacted instantly, "what's wrong, are you feeling ill, Meredith, please, let me take you to see Dr. Cameron, let him examine you...there can be complications, please."

"It's not physical, Derek, it's just...I'm sorry...this is so hard...it hurts so much..."

"Oh...God...how I wish I could take your pain away...what can I do...I feel so useless...please tell me...how can I help..."

"You're all I need...right now, just as you are, that's all I need," she said and reached for his hand and placed it on her abdomen and laid her hand on top of his, unlike hours ago when she had rejected that touch, "you loving me...that's all I need."

"You will always have that," he said as he held her closer, and gently, softly stroked the area where their child had been.

"I love you Derek..."she said, and allowed herself to accept his comforting touch, his gentle words and eventually slept.

Almost twenty four hours earlier the fading sun cast foreboding shadows over their bed, now, the last rays of sun seemed to reflect the promise of future dreams.

Miles away, six people had been paged by Mark Sloan and waited for his arrival in the small private room near the nurse's station.

"I'm sorry, I was delayed on the way up here," he said with unusual humility.

"Dr. Sloan," Miranda stated cautiously, afraid she knew what he was going to address and unsure it was the right thing to do, "what is this about?"

He walked over to Lexie and whispered, "Kathleen said she spoke with you, are you ok?"

"Yes, thank you for asking. Are you ok?"

He was obviously affected as he shook his head slightly sideways, indicating his answer.

"Look, I'm no sure what it is I want to say to you, but, I felt...I needed to talk to you."

"Dr. Sloan, what is wrong..." Cristina interrupted.

"I did not page you here as a doctor, but as a friend to Derek and Meredith."

"No," Cristina mumbled, having immediately understood the situation.

"You all know, hell the entire hospital seems to know their business, but, there's something not everybody knew."

"Dr. Sloan," Bailey interrupted, "I'm not sure...."

"I am. You are all Meredith's friends, and I think it's important that you know what has happened."

"Dr. Sloan, can you just tell us, is she ok, has there been an accident?" Izzie asked.

"No Stevens, she's not ok."

All of them seemed to speak at the same time, "dude, what the hell is going on?"

"Meredith was pregnant," he said, and paused to clear his throat, "she had a miscarriage last night."

There was total silence, until Bailey spoke. "We don't normally discuss other's business," she said in a reprimanding tone, "but I understand why Dr. Sloan felt he needed to tell you, and this is to be treated in confidence, until Meredith and Derek choose to do otherwise."

"Look, Derek is my best friend, he and Meredith have gone through hell and back, and they were happy, very happy about this, they only knew for a few days, and now, this is going to be very hard for them, especially her. You are her closest friends, she considers you family, I thought you should know, because once she gets back to work, she's going to need your support, and I'll be damned if this is going to be the subject of the hospital rumor mill."

"Dr.Sloan," Cristina commented, obviously affected by the news, "how is she?"

"She is holding up."

"What are we supposed to do? Does she know you're telling us?"

"No, O'Malley, but I will tell them."

Noticing that both Cristina and Lexie were not reacting, Izzie said, "wait, you two new, Cristina, you and Lexie knew."

"Yes. Just the other day."

"At Joe's," George said, "you knew at Joe's."

"Yes."

"Look, people, it doesn't matter who...when anybody knew. What matters is that this is going to deeply affect Meredith and Derek, and I agree with Sloan, this is not another gossip story for the betting pool, so you are expected to be aware of this, and be sensitive to what has happened, and just wait till Meredith or Derek choose to communicate this to you. I spoke to him this morning, she will not be back for at last three days."

"What do you expect us to do?" Alex asked.

"Dr. Bailey, do we call, I mean, I've never gone through this with a friend," Izzie said.

"No, you just wait till they are ready to talk, and when she gets back to work, show your support privately, and follow her lead. You will each know what to do."

"I'm going to drive his sister over there tonight, very briefly, as she's flying back East, I will tell them I spoke with you."

"Dr. Sloan, can we send some flowers with you?"

"Yeah, O'Malley, I think she'd like that."

"We'll bring them to your office," Cristina told him.

"That works," he said, and walked out followed by Miranda.

"Sloan, I'm not sure that was right to disclose that information."

"He's my best friend, she is going to be my sister in law, I was going to be godfather to her baby," he said, and she was taken aback by the emotion in his voice, "she's going to need their support, they are her family, they needed to know."

"I'm not sure how Grey and Shepherd are going to feel about this."

"I will tell them. She is going to need all their support. She's been through enough shit, to have to go through this alone."

"Sloan," she pondered, "there may be hope for you yet."

"You're a softie too, Miranda..."

"Dr. Bailey to you...but today...today...Miranda is fine."

"She deserves better than this, they both do."

"They will have it...Mark...I know it. In my heart...I know...they will have it all."
"I hope you're right."

"Don't you worry...I know 'everything' and they will be just fine."

"You're a good friend Miranda...I know Derek appreciates that."

"So are you...so are you."

The four friends and Lexie remained sitting quietly in the room, until Cristina spoke, "let's go get the flowers...and a card," and then they spent minutes discussing what they had just learned about their friend. Lexie listened in silence, deep sadness filing her heart.

The sun had begun to set and he was thankful she was still sleeping when he heard the sound of an engine approach, and without waking her got out of bed.

He though it would be Kathleen and Mark, instead he faced Richard Webber.

"Shepherd, don't you think you should have monitored the child after surgery, I just spent the last twenty four hours at the hospital trying to cover up your absence."

"You son of a bitch," he spat at him, "you dare to question me when I left the care of that child with one of the best surgeons on my team. You forced me to do a surgery I was in no state of mind to perform, and you stand here on my land and dare to tell me I did not do my job, I think you are the one that should be reprimanded for not doing yours...when you forced me to operate, and if you had to spend the night there, I don't really care, that is your job."

"You should remember, even here I am your boss."

"You are here on this land, because you were my friend, now get out of my sight."

"Shepherd, you need to..."

"Get out of my sight...I needed to be with Meredith, while I was in surgery, I needed to be with her. Instead, because of you, she spent hours alone as she waited to...alone, she waited knowing she would lose our child."

"She what," Richard asked taken aback, "she miscarried?"

"Yes, now get out of my sight, before I ask you to leave my land altogether."

Richard came close to him, attempted to deflate the anger, "Derek, I'm sorry, I did not know."

"Well, now you do."

"Is she ok?"

"She will be fine."

"I'm sorry, very sorry for your loss."

"I'm not going back to work, not until she can. Work it out, I don't care how you do it."

"That will not be a problem."

"You fucked up Richard, you really did...and our friendship...I don't know."

"I understand."

"She needs some days away, I don't care about me, but for her, if you want me to stay at Seattle Grace, and don't give me any shit about a contract, they've been broken before, you will make sure we get the time off we need."

"Whatever you need, both of you, it will be taken care of. I will be going back to the hospital, and I will stay at a hotel the next few days."

"Good." Derek stated.

"Tell her I'm sorry."

"I will."

"Let me know what time you need off."

"About the hotel, you don't have to do that."

"I won't be back tonight. I had planned on staying at the hospital."

"I will contact Patricia, about the time off."

"Derek, I am sorry."

Derek walked back in the trailer, certain the raised voices had woken her, but saw she was still sleeping, buried under the covers holding a pillow tight. He sat back against the pillows and watched her sleep as he thought about the last twenty four hours.

The next time he heard an engine approach, he knew it would be Mark, and not long before he'd heard Richard drive away.

He walked out as they drove up and before he knew it was engulfed in his sister's embrace.

"Derek, I'm so sorry...so sorry for your loss," she said and cried on his shoulder, and
he allowed himself to be comforted by the older sister who had been there for him, unconditionally, and had welcomed the woman he loved into her life.

"I'm so glad you are here, Kathleen, oh God, I am so glad to have you here."

"Derek, I would not want to be anywhere else, I already called home, in case I need to stay a little longer."

"Thank you... I don't know how I will ever repay you...both of you...for keeping you away from your family so many days."

"You are my brother, that is what family is all about, there's no talk of repayment...you know that...that's what love's about Derek."

"I love you Kathleen, and I've missed you."

"We're just going to make sure it doesn't happen again...the gap...the time away...ok?"

"Yes," he said and felt her hug him tight.

"Derek, how is she...I want to see her..."

"She's...I'm not sure...she's finally had some sleep this afternoon."

"Can I go in?"

"Yes, but don't wake her."

"Derek..."

"I know...just...she needs to rest."

Kathleen kissed his cheek and walked inside the trailer, as Mark approached him, having given the siblings the privacy they needed.

The two men looked at each other and it was Mark who reached out to him first, and hugged him briefly while gently slapping his back in support, "I'm here man...whatever you need...I'm here Shep."

Derek took a deep breath, "I'm glad you're here...glad we're brothers again," he said and in acknowledgment placed his hand on Mark's shoulder and squeezed

"How's Meredith?"

"Holding up...it sucks Mark, she should not have to go through this, her life has been shit the last year...and now this....fuck, all I do....even this...is bring her pain...we didn't plan on having a baby...it just happened...and now this..."

"Stop that crap talk right now...do you think she wants to hear you say these things? She was happy, Shep I've never seen her happier about something, and you're going to stand here and tell me you regret...you regret she was pregnant...get your head out of your ass with that kind of talk."

"I didn't say that...just I'm responsible that she got pregnant, and now...all the stress she was under...all the stress I've caused her...it couldn't have been good for the pregnancy...and then even at the end, she had to spend hours alone," he said, deep emotion obvious with every word.

"Let's go..."

"What?"

"Come on, let's go for a walk...a drive even..."

"I can't leave ..."

"Kathleen is with her..." he said and at that moment she walked out.

"Guys, keep your voices down. Derek, Mark is right...get your head in the right place, she doesn't need this kind of talk."

"I'm not talking to her...I was talking to Mark..."

"Regardless...I know she doesn't feel that way."

"You haven't even talked to her..." he said petulantly.

"I know what she feels for you, and how she felt about the baby...now go."

"Call me...we won't be long...Mark, we can go get her car and drive it back here...Kathleen if she wakes up...if she needs me..."

"Go. Mark let me have the food and the flowers."

"Flowers?"

"From her friends."

"They know?"

"Yeah...we'll talk about it," Mark said as he handed the bags to Kathleen, and placed the flowers on the small table outside, "let's go."

Kathleen took care of the meal, and then brought the flowers and placed them where Meredith could see them, and sent a silent prayer for her brother and the woman who'd already become a sister in her heart. "Hey Dad, I know you've been near me many times, and watched over me...when I've needed you...I need you to be close to Derek now...say a prayer for them...cause I'm sure you're in special place, a little closer to God...and for Meredith...Dad you would have loved her, because she loves him so much...and just like Mark said, you'd want to protect her, and just so you know, Mark...you'd be proud of him today too...he's being a really good brother."