(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Lover's Quarrel Part 5

He was responsible for the hurt look in her eyes, and hated himself for it. There was no fight left in her at that moment, and he sensed she would not push him away as he gathered her close to his chest and embraced her, letting her cry softy against him.

She knew she should push him away, but all she wanted was to lose herself in his arms and pretend nothing had happened. Pretend that she belonged somewhere, that he was holding her and yesterday had not happened, and they were simply enjoying the fact that they were happy dating only each other.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he murmured softly in her ear, "and I will always regret hurting you today. But," he said, while gently stroking her hair, "if not hurting you means that I'm supposed to let you walk away from me, then I'm sorry, I can't do that."

She pushed him away and looked into his eyes, "you had no trouble walking away from me yesterday...straight into another woman's arms."

She was doing it again. Once second, seemingly complacent in his arms, the next ready to drive him away.

"I told you, I thought it was over, that you didn't want me. You wouldn't let me talk to you, you walked away from me, I had no idea what you were feeling."

"It was convenient Derek, convenient for you to break up with me... you had already kissed her..." she paused trying to speak past the lump forming in her throat, "why not take it to the next step," she told him, while at the same time feeling herself falling apart at the possibility that could be exactly what would happen.

"I can't believe this...why won't you listen to me?"

"I've listened. I just haven't heard anything to make me change my mind."

He pushed his hair back and paced the small confines of the room, attempting and failing to get his increasing aggravation under control, " do you think you have the corner marketed on hurting....don't you think you're hurting me... each time your turn me away, each time you put obstacles in our way...don't you think that hurts me too?"

"I came to you and told you what I wanted...that I was scared," she said and looked at him, unshed tears pooling in her eyes, "it took a hell of lot of effort...and that wasn't enough for you...you still chose her..."

"Meredith, I didn't choose her, it was a one time thing. One God forsaken kiss I will regret the rest of my life. I told her...last night ... I told her... you're the love of my life. Does the fact that I love you mean nothing to you?"

"Did it mean anything to you? You walked away from me, again, and before the day was out you were asking her to go out... taking her out to dinner... and kissing her...oh, sorry," she said sarcastically, "not kissing her, but allowing her to kiss you...did loving...did..."she paused, suddenly feeling nauseous at the though, the reality of him kissing someone else, "did loving me mean anything to you then?"

"Meredith, don't do this... don't throw it all away," he pleaded with tears in his eyes.

"I didn't... you did."

"Meredith, I'll do anything...please... just tell me..."

"Words... Derek...words just don't mean anything... not anymore."

"Mer...please..."

She could see the anguish in his eyes, in his voice, but she knew it wasn't enough this time, he was going to have to give her more than words.

"You were right... the fighting... the back and forth, I can't ...I can't do it either...not anymore."

He didn't have enough time to react as she walked to the door and slipped away. She'd walked out of his life without looking back.

Derek Shepherd was a broken man. Lost in the agony of his own making.
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"Hello ladies... how is our 'GS' pool coming along?"

"Dr. Sloan, you are truly incorrigible... betting and gossiping against your own friend," she teased, "and, d would that be Grey Shepherd pool you're talking about?"

"None other, AmyLynn...what's new on that front?"

"Well, Tyler and Debbie filled us in on last night's detail and he's going to have to work really hard to get himself out of this hole. Because, while they were here at this station, at the beginning of their afternoon shift, seems like Dr. Shepherd came over and spoke to Dr. Grey, and it looked promising for a while when he took her inside the quiet room."

"Really," he said, raising an eyebrow, "and just how long was it quiet inside that room?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but they were apparently in there for quite a while, but when Dr. Grey came out, she had been crying, and Dr. Shepherd was in there for a bit longer, and his eyes were red rimmed as well."

"Well, that didn't go very well... but uhmm...we'll see. Hey ....Amy...now that the club against me seems to be on the back burner... how about you join me for a drink tonight?"

"AmyLynn, you can't possibly be considering going over to the dark side, now can you?" they heard a voice speak up suddenly.

"Lisette, I'm not about to lose my bet on that end...but a girl can have her fun," she winked at Mark.

"Excuse me... ladies... what bet would that be?"

"How long it takes you to convince Dr. Hahn to go out with you."

Both women laughed out loud "Dr. Sloan, that look on your face right now priceless... and would almost be worth losing that be."

Without missing a beat, he said, "and, how long did you bet that accomplishment would take ladies?"

Both nurses laughed a little too long for his ego, and then to make it worse, responded simultaneously, "when hell freezes over."

"I see... well then, AmyLynn, how about a drink at Joe's tonight?"

"You're on...shift ends at 7, and this should be a very interesting evening."
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Before the end of her shift, Meredith stopped to check in on Tuck's condition.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm off in a bit, but is there anything you need, before I leave?"

"Thank you. He's had a very good day and I've got it all covered. His father is going to be here and spend some time with him in a while."

"Ok... good night Dr. Bailey."

"Grey, you need to get some rest tonight."

"Yes, ma'am ... I'll try."

Several minutes later Meredith had changed and was ready to leave the hospital, when she was intercepted by Cristina, Alex and Izzie.

"Let's go Grey, we're going to Joe's," Alex was the first to speak, as he led her to his car.

"I'm going home."

"Mer, you've been moping around all day, you're going to Joe's where there's a full bottle waiting for you. So move."

"Cristina, I'm not in the mood for any of this, and you guys were total jerks at lunch. I'm just going home."

"Mer, it's either Joe's or taking you home and forcing you to help me bake. Take your pick, it could get ugly."

She was surprised when they got to Joe's that George and Lexie were already sitting at a table, and waved them over.

"Bambi go get us some drinks."

"Stop calling me that Cristina."

"Oh, get over it. C'mon, let's go, it's not for me, it's for Mer. Lexie don't let her out of your sight, she might slip out on us."

"Mer, are you ok?" Lexie asked when they were alone, as Izzie and Alex had gone over to the jukebox.

"No... I'm not."

"Whenever you're ready...whenever...you want... need ... to talk..."

"I know...you're really good at listening..."

"Yeah... and the family stuff."

Cristina and George were back with their drinks and soon all 6 were at the table.

"Ok... people...since Mer is kind of pissed at us for not telling her what was going on at lunch, I think it's only fair that we do it now. So, a toast...to the demise of Mcdreamy."

Meredith stared at her in disbelief. How could Cristina be so tactless.

"Dr. Yang...Cristina," Lexie and Izzie voiced simultaneously.

"What...I'm just bringing her up to date on the hospital betting pool."

"What are you talking about Cristina? And let me tell you if you're my person, I'd hate to think what the others are saying about me...about Derek...and I..."

"Chill Mer... the bet is on how long it will take that ass to gain back his Mcdreamy status."

"You know what, I'm leaving," Meredith said as she started to rise.

"Sit your ass down, you're not going anywhere. Have your shot, that should cheer you up."

"I'm sorry ... I really don't feel like toasting...to that...and bets behind my back..."

She felt Lexie's hand gently on her arm. "Well, I'm starving... Mer, I bet you didn't eat all day, let's order something and I bet... sorry... no pun intended...that shot of tequila will be a lot more appetizing."

Temporarily appeased, she realized she hadn't eaten all day and ordered a bacon cheeseburger and fries, and decided to make the best of the evening.
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"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Miranda, I'm in no mood for sarcasm. I came to see how Tuck's doing and if you needed anything before I left for the night."

"Isn't that something....two fools... that can't get their act together, yet they come in and offer the same damn thing, and end up going home alone without the other."

Ignoring her comments, he said, "how's your son, and is there anything I can do?

"I'll tell you the same thing I told her. He's fine, and I've got it covered. Except I didn't call her stupid."

"Look I realize you're trying to help...but...

"Don't give me that ...from the look of things, it seem like I was wrong...there's not a bit of mcdreamy let in you...and the entire hospital is right... I'm tempted to place a bet against you myself."

"I'm glad everything is fine," he stated curtly, and started to walk away."

"Shepherd, don't be a fool. That girl is hurting, find her and make it right."

"I already tried."

"Then, Derek, you're not trying hard enough. Figure it out."

"Good night Miranda."

"Good night Derek, get some rest, and you know, if you want to find her tonight."

"What is this...Bailey the matchmaker... it doesn't suit you."

"That's where you're wrong...I'm multi-talented... and I know everything."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Shepherd, try Joe's...Cristina was here earlier. They're dragging her there, to cheer her up."