(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Healing Bonds

Derek, who was sitting on the side of the bed facing her, took her hand and first brought it close to his mouth, placing his lips softly on her, and then leaned in, and gently brushed her lips.

"We've had many magical moments," he said, "in and around that trailer...that land..."

"We have..." she said, and raised her hand to the back of his neck pulling him closer and kissing him, "and can you imagine...how many more we'll share...the rest of our lives?"

"That night," he said, "that first night I took you there...was our beginning," he told her."

"Our beginning..." she said with a bit of melancholy.

"Meredith...you ok?"

"Yes."

"Not too convincing."

"It feels like that was so long ago...so much has happened..."

"But...here we are together..."

"Another beginning..." she said, and looking at him whispered softly, "almost Derek...our baby...almost had a new beginning..."

"Hey...we agreed...we're not giving up hope..."

"No...we won't," she said placing her hand on her abdomen, "I won't."

He placed his hand over hers and smiled, "hey, baby bear...you are one very lucky baby...you know...because when we finally get to meet you...I get the feeling your mommy is going to spoil you rotten."

"Oh, Derek," she said softly, "I hope so...I hope I get to spoil him...or her..."

"We will," he said and leaned to kiss her, and she deepened their kiss allowing all her emotions, the fear, the hope...the love she felt him to be expressed.

"I don't want to let you down..."

"You won't..."

"I already have..."

"Meredith, I know there's lots of hormones talking...but look at me," he paused, raising her chin and meeting her gaze, "you have not let me down..."

"I feel, sometimes...I feel as though I can't do anything right...I'm always failing you Derek...even today, after seeing the doctor...we were supposed to celebrate...there was so much...and I can't even do that..."

"Do you honestly believe that matters to me right now?"

"I know it doesn't, but, still...I let you down, because I should have been ok Derek, there should not have been anything wrong, damn it...we should be a normal couple, in love...expecting a baby...celebrating...making love..."

"Meredith, I really... truly hope, you don't think that sex matters to me right now, that you know nothing is more important to me than you being ok...that it doesn't matter how long we wait..."

"It's just that...I feel like a failure...as a mom...well I haven't made it to mom yet...and as a woman...the most natural thing in the world...and I wasn't able to do that either..."

"You," he said, and held her face in his hands, "as a woman...fulfill my every need...every desire..." and kissed her, "and you are already a mom...whatever happens...you are the very best of moms...and no baby could ever hope for more..."

"Do you...do you really believe that..."

"With all my heart..."

"Thank you..." she said, tears brimming, "I needed to hear that."

"You will never get tired of hearing it, because Meredith, I love you, every bit of you...every single thing about you...and as for being a mom...you are...and will be the best there is...and I know that our kids will think that too."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too."

"Derek..."


"Yes..."

"Our kids...they'll...they'll also think they have the best dad in the world," she said reaching for his hand, and both saw the same emotions reflected in each other's eyes.

"We'll have that...Meredith, we will..." he said and kissed her tenderly before holding her in his embrace.

"You should go..."

"I really can stay..."

"Go, have lunch...and I'll see you later."

"Meredith...I can stay..."

"I know...but, you'll be back...you'll be here with me later, and I really could use a nap. We should take Kathleen to dinner, and I'll be well rested."

"You're just saying that."

"No. I told you, I should have stayed in bed today...every time I have a feeling... the bomb..."

"That's not even funny."

"I'm just saying...I was tired...exhausted...and I can get some rest for a few hours."

"Ok...but, call me...you'll call me if you need anything...even if you just want me to come home and hold you...you'll call me..."

"I'll call you."

"I'll see you in a few hours," he said and kissed her goodbye.

Derek left reluctantly, but knew she was right. It would be good for her to get some rest, as well as for him to spend time with Kathleen, but there was something even more important he needed to resolve.

"Kathleen," he said when he reached her, "there's something I need to take care of, do you mind if we meet up later, maybe an hour...a bit more?"

"Is everything all right with Meredith?"

"Yes, she's fine, she wanted to get some sleep."

"Derek...are you ok?"

"I will be... I will..."

"We still need to talk..."

"I know...we will, when I meet up with you...later today, we'll talk."

"I called home, I'm going to stay another day...I want to make sure Meredith and the baby are ok."

"That would be good..."

"What you need to do...can I help?"

"No. I have to do this myself."

"Ok...don't worry about me...call me when, whenever you're done."

"Kat...thank you...for everything."

"You're welcome. Derek, I'm thinking, maybe I can make a home cooked meal tonight, we can stay in, Meredith can get some rest."

"We can try, but I doubt she's going to agree. She already told me we should take you out to dinner."

"Are you sure she doesn't need to..."

"Dr. Cameron didn't say anything Kathleen, I don't think...well, we'll know more tomorrow."

"Are you sure I can't cook for you tonight?"

"Yes. We haven't taken you out on the town."

"Meredith is not up to that at all. So, if you don't let me cook dinner, than we're going to make it a light causal night...that place...what's it called...where you guys met?"

"Joe's?"

"That's it...if she won't agree to me taking over her kitchen. We'll go to Joe's"

"Bossy as ever."

"Hey, it's not often I get to play big sister to my little brother...and I don't have a husband to boss around," she laughed.

"I'll call you," he said and disconnected the call. Then, he drove to take care of something that could no longer wait.

-----------

"Dr. Shepherd, you paged."

"Dr. Yang, please sit down," he told Cristina when she entered his office.

"I would rather stand."

"Cristina, sit down."

"Dr.Yang to you."

"Sit down, and shut up."

"I will not put up with you speaking to me that way."

"You will. You will, because this is not about me or you, this is about Meredith."

"If she has anything to say, she can talk to me herself."

"I'm sure she would have, if you had bothered to be the friend you claim be."

"You are no one to judge me."

"But I am, because right now, being your friend is hurting her, and I personally think it would be best for her to walk away."

"You can't tell her...dictate to her who she can be friends with."

"I do not intend to."

"You just said she should walk away."

"I did, and that is what I think."

"Then what do you want?"

"I'm here, talking to you, because of her."

"I fail to see what this has to do with me."

"You claim to be her person, her friend, her sister...and you fail to see what me, talking to you has to do with her," he asked angrily.

"I believe you said all there was to say, and she made her decision."

"This is not about her choosing, this is about Meredith's wellbeing."

"What is wrong with her, what have you done now?"

"You see...that...that damn attitude, I should just throw you the hell out of here, and forget this whole idea."

"That is fine with me."

"Well God damn it, it is not fine with me."

"What do you want Shepherd? Get to the point."

"What I want is for Meredith to be happy, and apparently, that does involve your friendship."

"She does not seem to think that way anymore."

"You are wrong, but just so I'm clear, as to why I may be wasting my time, let us get one thing straight."

"What?"

"Do you, or do you not care about her?"

Cristina did not speak a word.

"Answer me," he yelled, "or get out, and I wash my hands of this whole thing."

"I care," she said barely audible.

"What was that," he said.

"I care," she said looking him in the eye.

"Good. Because she deserves that from you."

"Why did you page me?"

"I need to talk to you about her. She's going to need you...she will..."

"Again, what have you done?"

"Can you stop with that bull shit, I have not done anything, we are trying to make our relationship work...we are making it work."

"You have said that before."

"Look, I don't care what you think of me, I don't. But, I care that she believes you are her person...which for the life of me I cannot understand why, because all I see from you is bitterness...never a kind word...always a dig...never compassion...and she is full of compassion..."

"You have no right to judge me."

"But I do. I'm the man that loves her...whether you believe that or not, I do, and she loves me, and we are not giving up on each. We are going to be together, for good."

"Until the next time you decide she is not good enough."

"I'm not leaving her. We want to be together, and we are not letting anything or anyone come between us."

"You've given her plenty of pretty words before, and every time you have failed her."

"I know that."

"You know that?" she questioned sarcastically.

"Yes, I do."

"I still don't know why you paged me, what any of this has to do with me."

He took a deep breath, almost in defeat, but accepted he was not doing this him. "Meredith is pregnant, and there's a strong likelihood she is going to miscarry."

"She's what? She hasn't told me...she would have told me."

"She would have, you're right, if she felt she could tell you."

"She can tell me anything, I have always been there for her," she said, and he could hear the emotion she was trying to keep from him.

"You have not been there. The last two weeks, you have not been there for her."

"She's known, for two weeks," she asked quietly.

"No, we found out three days ago."

"Three days ago, and she didn't tell me."

"She didn't feel she could."

"You encouraged her not to."

"No, I encouraged her to tell you."

"I don't believe you."

"Ask her."

"Why would you?"

"Because you are her person, and I thought that is who she would want to tell."

"Then why didn't she?"

"She told me she knew what your reaction would be, and didn't want any negativity surrounding the baby."

"She thought...she thought I would bring negativity."

"I'm sorry, but yes."

"I see."

"No, you don't. She needs you..."

"She doesn't need me. She would have come to me."

"She is happy Cristina, she was...happy about this, she thought you'd encourage her to have an abortion, that the idea of a baby...a baby with me was crazy."

"She was probably right."

"She knew that. But, she was sad, that she couldn't share it with you."

"Is she...is she ok?"

"She's trying to be."

"Oh, my God," she said, and he saw her eyes well up with tears.

"I know she's going to need you, she's going to want her friend's support."

"That's why she was upset."

"Yes, we had just been to her appointment, and we did not get very good news."

"What is wrong with her," she said, and he saw the genuine concern, "will you tell me?"

"Yes," he said, and related the story.

"She's talking to you...she's not avoiding?"

"She is. We both are, talking to each other."

"Shepherd, she is my person."

"I realize that. That's why I'm here, for her."

"I don't want to lose my person."

"Neither does she."

"She doesn't...she won't have to choose."

"That's what I'm hoping," Derek told her.

"I will try, if you do."

"That's all I want."

"You love her?"

"I love her, and she knows it."

"You're not going to screw her over again?"

Derek was quiet, and did not respond.

"I don't mean that, I know you're going to screw her...but..."

"Yang, your mind is totally in the gutter. That is not what I was thinking."

"Derek, she is my person, she is my sister...the only person I have ever been close to...I will try...for her."

"That's why I'm here, because you are important to her as well, and all I want is for her to be happy."

"You are serious...about a commitment, a relationship..."

"Yes, Cristina, I'm going to marry her."

"Is it because she's pregnant?"

"Of course not."

"There's no of course about it. That's exactly what Mer's reaction would have been."

"Marrying her has nothing to do with her being pregnant."

"Does she know that?"

"She has promised to say yes."

"What does that mean?"

"I haven't properly asked her."

"You are an ass."

"We agree on that issue...about the proposal."

"We might," she said, carefully assessing him, "just might be able to get along, but only for her sake."

"I think we can...though I would not want it to get too boring,"

"I doubt that can happen. You can be quite stupid, according to Bailey, and brainless according to Meredith."

"Probably right about that too."

"We can try."

"We can."

"But I get to kick your ass, if you ever treat her like you have in the past."

"I don't think you have to worry about that, but Meredith and I have talked about it, about keeping each other in check. We're not going back Cristina, we have made a commitment to each other."

"When, when did that happen?"

"During the last two weeks, if you had looked or listened, you'd have noticed."

"I don't trust you. I haven't ever trusted you."

"I think our mutual dislike and mistrust has been evident."

"You started you're relationship with her by lying about being married, I don't like liars."

"So you told me a long while ago."

"That has not changed."

"I do not expect it would."

"Is she happy? Has she been happy?"

"I think she is. She has been, seeing the progress we've made, except for now, today."

"The baby."

"Yes, that is making her very sad."

"But, you don't know for sure...it could still be ok...right?"

"We'll know in the next few days."

"Where is she?"

"I dropped her off at home."

"She was ok? Why didn't you stay with her?"

"She is ok. She wanted to get some sleep."

"You're sure, she was ok alone?"

"Yes, I'm sure, or I would not have left."

"You tend to hover, I'm surprised you did."

"She did need to sleep, if I stayed, she'd have wanted to talk, and I knew I wanted to see you. It was important to get this taken care of."

"You understand, Meredith wanting to talk...that doesn't sound like her."

"You should try talking to her as well."

"You think she'll talk to me? After this afternoon?"

"I'm pretty sure she will, she doesn't really hold grudges, she's pretty forgiving."

"I know," she said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Cristina..."

"I'm sorry, I am going to try."

"We're going to be at Joe's tonight, join us."

"Don't you think that's a bit public to talk to her about all this?"

"Given, you don't really say much...not a great conversationalist...I think you being there, will be just enough."

"You're really a wise ass Shepherd."

"I've been told that before."

"Derek," she paused, "I'm sorry, about the baby, I hope it's ok."

"Thank you, so do I."

"You came here, today, just to talk to me?"

"Yes, I did."

"Thank you," she said and extended her hand to him, "truce?"

"Truce."

"We're going to have to deal with each there a lot aren't we?"

"A lifetime Cristina. That's what she and I are counting on."

"This is going to be hard, Shepherd."

"I expect it is, Yang."

"If Sloan finds out, it's gonna be worth a bet...how long do you think this first truce lasts?"

"Not long, I expect, but as long as we know, it's the first one..."

"There's likely to be another one..."

"We understand each other, Cristina."

"We do Derek, I will see you tonight."

"Who else knows?"

"My sister, and Mark,"

"Sloan knows? That is just wrong, that he knows and I don't."

"He guessed, he has a special talent."

"Oh come on, his only talent...well..."

"He does, I swear," Derek laughed and told her.

"You're joking?"

"I'm not. In fact, Kathleen, my sister is the first person he ever told."

"Lexie knows, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does."

"She didn't tell me, but now, I recognize it, her concern over her...she's being all sisterly."

"Meredith needed that."

"Everyone else...Izzie, George...Alex..."

"They don't know. We jut told Bailey, because of the circumstances today, but no one else knows."

"And you trusted me...now."

"I believe you love her Cristina, and you would not want her hurting any more, so yes, I trusted you."

"Thank you."

"I will see you at Joe's."

"Yes."

"She's going to need you."

"Please tell her I'm sorry, about today."

"You should tell her."

"Ok," she said as she got up to leave.

"Yang," he called, "it will mean a lot to her, if you're there tonight."

"Thank you."

"Just one more thing."

"What?"

"Don't ever underestimate our relationship or my love for her again."