(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Lover's Quarrel

Lover's Quarrel – Robert Browning

So, she'd efface the score,
And forgive me as before.
It is twelve o'clock:
I shall hear her knock
In the worst of a storm's uproar,
I shall pull her through the door,
I shall have her for evermore!


Derek had watched Meredith turn and walk away, without looking back, defeat in every step she took, and then as she neared the door he saw the change. She held her head high, as though unaffected and turned the knob, leaving a deceptively open door behind her, because moments before, when she last faced him, she had raised a wall of steel.

Derek's steps were slow as he made his way around his desk, and plopped into the desk chair, momentarily forgetting all about the nurse that uttered the words that had turned the last moments with Meredith to disaster.

Conflicted emotions were tearing through him as he buried his face in his hands and accepted the unequivocal and anguished realization that he was solely responsible for her
pain. All he wanted to do was breakdown and sob for all that had been lost.

All he remembered, all his mind's eye could see was the last look in her eyes. Eyes filled with tears, but dulled by her belief of his betrayal and the loss of all hope for a future together, just when moments earlier she had told him she needed him, always.

Thoughts rushed in, flashing back to the day she had drowned, the day he thought she was lost to him forever, back to the moment he realized she had given up and had not swam. He thought of the moment that morning, at her house, when he pulled her from the bath water, and the look in her face, the empty lost look in her face.

A dry sob escaped him, as he realized the look he had seen tonight, the raw vulnerability in her voice when she had told him he had broken his promises, that look was the same hollow and tortured reflection he had seen that morning, when it had been her mother's words, her mother's perceived disappointment in her that had led to her near death.

His was a tortured soul, as he attempted to hold himself together, because if he broke down now, he'd never be able to stop, he'd never be able to get up and get home, and begin to find the ways to make it up to her. To make up for all the sorrow he had caused, because tonight, he had broken her spirit. In her heart she felt he had betrayed her trust, and he had, because tonight, he saw trust turn to sorrow, and he knew she loved him, even if she had not said the words. She loved him, and he in turn was responsible for that hollow empty look, that prior to tonight, only her mother had been able to cause that much pain, and now, he had caused far more damaged than Ellis Grey ever had.

He didn't know how he would begin. How he could possibly begin to make things right, but he knew that no matter what it took, he would not give up on them. He would not give up until he saw the sparkle back in her eyes, till she could learn to trust him again.
Time no longer mattered; he would wait, for as long as it took to regain her trust, for as long as it took for her to give him another chance.

He had a feeling. How he hated those feelings. He had a feeling that it was going to be hell, pure hell to get through to her. But, he was not giving up, because if they got through this, if he was able to get through to her, to let him prove that he loved her, that he didn't want to live without her, then, it would all be worth the pain, because the other side of hell was worth the wait and likely the groveling, and with that last thought a bit of hope flourished in his heart.

Heaven. Heaven was worth the wait, and he would fight his way from hell, because heaven was what he found in the comfort of her arms, in the passion of her embrace, in the ecstasy of her surrender.

The dark haired woman had waited patiently outside the closed door of his office.

Meredith Grey had walked out, turning without a glance and ignoring her presence as though she were an inanimate object, just as the dull leafy plant nearby. She'd seen the shocked expression in her face when she walked in to his office, heard the raised voices, and then the despondent look in her face, and knew with certainty she had interrupted a lovers' quarrel.

A lovers' quarrel that had led Derek Shepherd to ask her out to dinner.

A lovers' quarrel ,well on its way to repairing any previous damaged done, and two people that had found a way to communicate long enough to realize they did not want to be apart.

She had knowingly walked in to his office, interrupting lovers reveling in new found hope, and with one sentence had, unknowingly, shattered their dreams.

She waited several long minutes before moving towards his office, knowing it would be best to allow him time to compose himself before she attempted to coax him to keep their plans.

"Derek," she said as she walked in, her voice bringing him back to the present.

"I'm sorry I interrupted, I didn't realize Meredith would be with you. I understood you were free to have dinner."

He cleared his throat and said, "yes, when I asked you, I believed I was."

"And, now you're not?"

"I apologize. Unfortunately, I should have thought it through, and didn't. Meredith and I had an argument earlier, and I made the wrong assumption, the wrong decision."

"Rose, I'm sorry, I can't have dinner with you tonight."

"I understand, obviously you were both very upset."

"Yes, we were."

"Listen Derek, we've become friends, I can be a good listener, and you obviously could use a friend."

"Rose, you're very thoughtful, but, I'm going to call it a night."

"Derek, I can see that you can use a friend, and I just turned down going over to Joe's with a group of friends. So, what do you say we grab a quick bite to eat, and you can decide if you want to talk or not. A woman's perspective might help, you know."

He hesitated for a moment before deciding what to do, she may be right, and there really wasn't any other woman he could ask. Miranda certainly wouldn't appreciate his dilemma in the best of circumstances, and tonight, she had her own difficult situation to deal with.

There really wasn't anyone else, and he probably could use someone to talk to instead of finding himself alone with his thoughts at the trailer.

"Thanks, and you're right, a woman's perspective might help."

Derek led her out of his office and they walked towards the parking lot to his car.