(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Driving Home

She was tired, exhausted in fact and now the plans she'd been waiting for all day, had gone to hell when the patient coded, and the surgical team went into action to save his life.

Thirty minutes later, she felt she was being watched and knew Derek was in the gallery. Their eyes met in silent communication; hers saying, "I'm sorry," his, "I understand."

He was waiting for her in his office, and sensing her presence, looked up to meet her gaze as she approached his open door, practically dragging her feet with exhaustion, as he stood up to meet her at the doorway, and gathered her close in his arms.

"Hey, it happens, we can go see the site tomorrow."

"But we had planned on it for tonight, and that surgery was supposed to take an hour and now it's 3 hours later, and I really wanted to go ..." she said pouting.

"There's no rush...it's going to be there tomorrow," he said and softly kissed her.

"But, I can't go," she said with tears brimming in her eyes, "I have a 24 hour shift starting at 7 tomorrow."

"Then, we'll go the next day," he soothed her, and kissed her again. "Let's go, I'll take you home, we can have dinner and make it an early night."

"Oh...you don't want me to go with you," she hesitated, "you don't want me to spend the night at your place tonight."

"You look tired, I just thought it would be easier...it's closer for you to stay at your place, since you need to be back here early tomorrow."

"Of course, that makes sense," she said, but he immediately noticed she was closing herself off from what she was feeling.

"Meredith, what's going on?"

"Nothing, you're right, it's more convenient if you take me home."

"More convenient?"

"It's ok Derek, I understand, you probably don't have to get up as early ...and you want to go home...so it's ok, you can just drop me off," she said as she started to walk away.

He reached out for her, and pulled her in to his office. "Listen, we said, we'd not avoid issues, and you're obviously lying, because of something, I don't even understand I've said."

"It's not a big deal Derek, really, just take me home," she said without looking at him.

"Meredith, I'm not a mind reader, and you're going to have to help here, because I've obviously said something to upset you, and I don't want to upset you."

"Let's just go."

"No."

"Fine."

"My least favorite Meredith word," he teased.

"If you must know, it's not nice...it's not nice that you...you changed your mind...and . don't want me to spend the night with you...at your place."

He laughed, "Meredith, where do you get that?"

"Don't laugh at me, I don't think it's funny."

"But, it's not true, so it is funny."

"Fine, keep your humor, I'm going home."

"Are you walking home?" he teased her.

"I don't... I don't need you ...to drive me home."

"Yes, yes you do need me...period...and I'm driving you home, and I had every intention of staying with you...and we can go to my place your next night off, is that what's upsetting you...you thought I was just going to drop you off?"

"Yes,"she admitted.

"I'm not spending any more nights away from you, so stop jumping to the wrong conclusions, and you know Mer...I never said I wasn't staying...so how you came up with that...well, it wasn't even a rational conclusion..."

"Derek, I told you before....don't patronize me with talk about me being rational or not...because I'm being perfectly rational..." she snapped, much to his surprise, and amazement at her recent moodiness, but decided to just go with the flow, she'd already mentioned PMS was bad, and he knew it was true she was not feeling great last night, so he was not going to interfere or give any more opinions about her uncharacteristic irrationality.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to make light of anything."

She looked at him, and laughed, "oh, you are so lying, you're just going along with anything I say now," and leaned up to kiss him lightly, "let's go home."

They were on their way home, and soon the sounds of The Clash echoed in the car, "Derek, do you think, maybe we can forgo that ...tonight?"

"You're really pushing this bossiness you know," he said as he turned off the radio, and pulled in to the lane that would take them to his place.

"Where are we going?"

"Home."

"Oh, but you said...you said we'd go to my house."

"I changed my mind, I want you in my bed, all night, it's been a while," he reached for her hand, "I want you there tonight."

She squeezed his hand gently, "I'm glad."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I'm starving, anything will be fine."

"Trout it is..."

"Derek, you know...I do want to go to your place... but, my rational self... says it's kind of selfish, cause, I have to be back at the hospital at seven, and you're going to have to drive me, so maybe we just wait till my next day off."

"That's your way of telling me you don't want trout for dinner tonight."

She laughed, and it was music to his hears, "maybe pizza, but I do mean it, about you not having to get up early."

"We'll pick something up on the way home."

"Trout is fine...you're just on your own cooking."

"As if that's ever been any different."

"Just make sure you have dessert."

"Your favorite ice cream...stocked in the freezer."

"Oh..."

"What..."

"Nothing."

"Strawberry is no longer your favorite ice cream? You came over to the dark side of coffee?" he teased her, as he caressed her hand.

"I was sort of thinking....chocolate."

"We can stop and get some."

"I'm kidding Derek, whatever you have at home is fine."

"Why do I get the feeling that chocolate ice cream has suddenly become very important?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're pouting Meredith, we'll stop and get some."

"Derek, it's ok, really, cause...if would have to be from Mora's."

"What? That's all the way across...I don't even know if they're still open."

"I told you, not important, you can get some next time."

"Call them, ask if they're open."

"Derek, I'm teasing you," she said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, "let's just drive home."

"So how was your day? Other than the overly long surgery?"

"I had another argument with Cristina."

"Why, she was fine at dinner last night."

"I don't know, why she has to be so bitter, you know...I've tried to be supportive and a good friend...well, as much as I know how to do that... but she's just so ...so negative..."

"About me...I get it, I've screwed up in the past, and she's trying to protect you, and she doesn't trust me not to hurt you."

"But Derek, she knows how I feel, she should support me... I've done that with her, even...even when I haven't always agreed with her or her decisions... I've supported her, and been there for her... she could do the same for me."

"You are different...it's just her way, but I know she cares about you...just, that you're...you're you...unique and special and compassionate and caring..."

"You're special too Derek, you're all those things..."

"Except when I'm being an ass," he joked.

"Yeah, and keeping secrets from me."

He looked taken aback but her words, "I've tried, Meredith," he said, suddenly becoming very serious, "and will continue trying to learn from my mistakes."

"I wasn't accusing you or anything, really... I wasn't... just joking with you...about no more secrets..."

"No more secrets...uhmm...maybe I need to tell you about...my other... "

She punched him gently, "don't even joke..."

"My other niece or nephew...on the way..."

"What?"

"My sister, the youngest one, she's pregnant again."

"Wow...is this baby number four..."

"No...just three.. she is the youngest...hasn't caught up yet,"

"When?" she asked, and could have sworn there was a bit of longing in his voice.

"She just found out...barely 6 weeks."

"That's early...she's happy?"

"Thrilled...she wants me to be there...after the baby's born."

"That would be nice, Derek, you haven't been home in a while."

"This is home Meredith, I think of this as home now."

"Well, that will be nice though, for you to see your family."

"Yes...it's been a long while...except for Nancy."

"So, I bet you've already booked your tickets," she teased him.

"No, not yet...we'll wait, after the baby is born, and it's really for the baptism she wants me there."

"That's always a big deal, I bet, the entire family, like 500 isn't it?"

They were taking the long drive home, she'd noticed, his love for ferryboats wasn't as strong as it had been before her accident, but had never brought it up. They drove in silence for a few minutes.

"Meredith, if I go... I mean...I don't want...I don't want to go alone, and I'd understand...if you don't want..."

"Derek, you're rambling...like Lexie ..."

He laughed, "like Lexie...unlike you...."

"I don't ramble," she smiled at him.

"You're changing the subject..."

"No, just pointing out... you're now rambling too."

"I'd...like you...to consider...I mean, you don't have to give me an answer now...but, think about it...there's lots of time...I'd like for you to come with me."

"Oh..." she said and was silent.

"Breathe..." he said, as he pulled into the exit lane towards home, and reached out for her hand and brought it to his lips, "don't forget to breath."

"How was your day today?"

She saw he was trying not to laugh at her and her complete change of subjects, "unlike you, my surgeries went very smooth, but they were back to back, but it was a good day."

"Did you talk to your sister today?"

"No, she called me a few days ago."

"I had lunch with Lexie today."

"Speaking of sisters..."

"She's nice...and I'm trying, Derek, I really am...you said, I can't trust...and I'm trusting her..."

"I know you are, Meredith, I know...I'm not being blind and stupid...at least trying anyway...I've noticed."

"She is so much like Susan, it's hard, you know...just like with Susan, it was hard not to ...not to be fond of her..."

"You don't have to convince me...I like her... a lot...and don't give me that evil look."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I like her...she's going to be my sister-in-law...and well, Xena, my ally..."

"The two of you really are too much...and who's going to plan the proposal...you or her?"

He laughed, feeling a lifting of spirits, as though the world had just stopped, and there was no turning back, only hope lay ahead.

"That, will be all me...when you're ready...the proposal...that will be only me," he said and she heard the emotion in his voice, "only the voice of my heart, and what I feel for you."

"Oh...Derek..." she said as her voice cracked, and she reached for his hand.

"When you're ready...I won't push...I will wait..."