(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Exultation

Reluctantly, he got out of bed and reached for her hand, "are you getting up?

"I just want to lie here a few more minutes."

"I thought you were joining me in the shower," he said, slightly raising an eyebrow.

"Not sure there's enough cold water to...uhmmm...douse your enthusiasm."

"Yeah, you do have that effect on me," he said as he sat on the bed and leaned in to kiss her softly.

Her thoughts drifted to the day before, she found herself mentally reviewing all the information she'd read. He was right, there wasn't really anything that didn't have an effective medical treatment or was life threatening, all except the possibility she could be pregnant.

Pregnant. That was certainly the last thing she had expected to find herself contemplating. She smiled, thinking she would never hear the end of it from Derek, and anticipated his reaction if it turned out she was. She still wasn't convinced that she could be, but, to see the look on his face would be priceless, while hers would likely register shock and incredulity.

She heard the water turn off, and got out of bed, wanting to get dressed before he came back to the bedroom. She rummaged through her closet and started to get dressed, thoughts of a baby never far away. If anyone had told her even a week ago, that she'd be considering the idea of being pregnant and not completely panicking, she'd have thought them mildly insane. Now, not only was she thinking it could be a slight possibility, but the idea of it did not have her fighting the urge to run in the opposite direction, she smiled at the direction of her thoughts, that was what Derek would say.

He was already dressed when he walked back in to the bedroom, while she had barely put her jeans on, still only wearing her bra.

"Meredith," he said startling her, "are you determined to tease the hell out of me this morning."

"What?"

"Get dressed."

"Oh," she said reaching out for a long sleeved blouse and quickly finished getting ready.

He walked over to her and embraced her. "How are you feeling this morning," he whispered against her ear.

"Better, much better, "she said pulling back slightly, "much more optimistic, Derek, thank you...for last night...thank you for being there, talking to me...caring enough to find out what could be wrong."

"Hey, you don't have to thank me, it's what I needed to do, make sure you're healthy, and being here, is where I wanted to be, where I always want to be...with you, holding you, loving you...whenever you need me."

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm..."

"I think it's official."

"What is?"

"McDreamy..."

"The bet is over..." he smiled.

"The bet is over...but ...don't tell anyone..."

"Our secret..."

"Our secret only...for now...till we can get Mark back...for instigating it..."she laughed.

"I love you Meredith."

"I have to admit, that is clearly a factor in your redemption," she smiled, and brushed his lips with hers.

"I'm going right to surgery this morning, but I'll page you when I'm out, and you can meet me so we can run some lab tests on you, ok?"

"Yes."

"Meredith, you're ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Let's think of another way to reassure me."

She hugged him, "I'm going to be fine. Once we find out what's wrong, I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will be."

"Derek, do you really believe that," she asked unmistakable fear in her voice.

"Yes. Without any doubts."

"I don't know what I would have done last night, if I didn't have you to turn to."

"Well, that is something you never have to worry about again."

"I'm counting on you Derek..."she said misty eyed, "to be there...when I need you."

"I'm never leaving you again, and I'm not letting you push me away again, remember that."

"I remember."

"I'm very proud of you."

"You are..." she asked softly, a bit of wonder in her voice.

"You are beautiful and extraordinary...and I'm so proud of how you are dealing with all of our issues...how you are choosing to face things instead of avoiding...and Meredith, last night, when you told me you needed me...and wanted me to be there...my heart swelled with pride and love...that you are fighting for us...for us to have a chance at forever."

"You are being very unfair, Derek, knowing my emotions have been all over the place, and saying those things, you're not playing fair," she whispered, a lone tear sliding down her face.

"Yes, I do know...and I'm so proud of you, that you are not avoiding things. You're talking to me, and I'm so glad you needed me and didn't shy away from telling me, and that you're letting me help you find out what we need to do."

"Derek..."she said quietly..."what does that mean...what we need to do."

"That we'll deal with this together, make any decisions together."

"Oh," she said and he knew something he'd said had disappointed her.

"Meredith, aren't you going to let me... once we know what's going on, aren't you going to let me help look into what's best, whether it's a doctor or treatment or medication, aren't you going to need me...want me to help? Because, I want to, I want to make sure you have the very best care, for whatever it is, which could be very simple, as simple as getting you some vitamins and shots and treating a light case of anemia."

"Sorry...I wasn't sure...I thought it was ..." she said lowering her eyes.

"What did you think I meant," he said slowly raising her chin to meet his gaze, "Meredith...what's wrong?"

"I thought," she paused and brought her hand to her face, attempting to disguise brushing a tear way, "it's silly."

"I get the feeling, it's very important," he said and cupped her face with both hands, allowing her to look into his very soul, "maybe even the most important thought you've ever had about us."

"It is."

"Then share the thought with me."

"I just thought... you meant...making a decision together...was about..." she swallowed hard, "if there is a baby... that decision..."

"You...you're thinking...I'd want you to decide whether to keep a baby or not..."

"I didn't know...we talked about it, and I told you what I thought... but now..."

"Meredith, we did talk about this...I'd never...never would I want us to make a decision like that..."

"I'm glad Derek...because now, it's one...one of the ..."

"But now...wait...Meredith...are you thinking there might be..." he whispered so softly she barely heard him, but she saw the look of surprise and amazement in his eyes before a tear escaped, "you're really thinking you could be...you could be pregnant..."

"Aren't you?" she said, bringing her hand to his cheek and gently wiping the tears on his cheek.

"A baby..." he repeated in awe, "our baby..." he said, and she knew she would never forget this moment, the wonderment in his voice the exultation in his eyes. She had thought earlier what his face would reveal, if she turned out to be pregnant, and the happiness she imagined he would feel was nothing compared to this moment, this priceless moment of joy.

"Derek...it's...I'm not sure...but..."

He brought his index finger to her lips, placing it softly to quiet her words. "This moment...this possibility...if, if there's a baby...let's enjoy this moment," he said pulling her softly towards the bed and sitting down, then gently eased her back against the pillows and laid by her side.

Neither said anything for several moments as they she laid on her back and he turned to his side, deep emotion etched on both their faces.

"I want there to be...Derek...I want there to be a baby...for you...for us," she whispered, "I hope there is."

"You want there to be..." he repeated.

She smiled softly, a half smile he adored as it spoke of so many hidden emotions, and reached for his hand. "Can you believe it...me...all dark and twisty...and thinking," she cried softly, "thinking...it's a possibility...because it is Derek, it could be one of the possibilities, and if it's true...I don't want to run away...I want, I want ..to be the best mom I can, I do...and it's overwhelming me...these emotions...Derek, since last night...it's overwhelming what I feel... at the slight...slight chance this could be it."

He was speechless, as he leaned over and softly kissed her lips, then slowly unbuttoned her blouse, revealing the soft smooth skin of her stomach and lightly brought his hand to touch her, gently caressing her, and then reverently brought his lips to her stomach and kissed her, "hey little one," he said and heard her gasp, "we're not sure if you're actually there, but it seems both your mommy and daddy are thinking there's a little chance you are, and if you are...I want this to be the very first time we tell you that we love you."

"Derek," she said, her voice filled with emotions she did not know existed, when he spoke to the baby, she felt the flutter of butterflies in her stomach, feeling the joy reserved for that moment when we first discover a love that surpasses every expectation.
"There could be...there could be a baby...but there's also a chance that there's not..."

"If you're not...well, then...I've kissed our future babies' mommy...right where she will be nurturing them and loving them...until it's time for us to meet them."

"Oh, God, Derek...do you have any idea how very much I love you."

He was stunned, as she brought her lips to his, "Meredith..."

"I love you," she murmured against his lips, "I do...I love you, like I never dreamed possible, like I never imagined."

"I love you, Meredith...but I don't deserve that from you... not yet."

"There's no conditions Derek...no buts...just my feelings...accept them, feelings I've been longing to share with you...forever."

"You...but, you don't have... you don't have to say...that... I can wait...till I've earned your trust again."

"Don't you know I have always trusted you...even when I couldn't...even when I've told you that I couldn't ...in my heart...I had to trust you...or I would have lost all hope. You are the first man I have ever trusted with my feelings...when I could trust no one, you're the one I turned to...remember Derek, about my mother, the only one I trusted..."

He felt the lump in his throat would choke him, she had trusted him then, and all he'd done was betrayed her, asking that she take all he was offering on faith...and then betrayed that trust, on faith she accepted blindly.

"Derek " she said, immediately noticing the emotional retreat, "Derek...don't...wherever your thoughts are...don't go there, please not right now...I can see the doubts...don't push me away..."

"I'm not," he gulped, "but, I don't deserve your trust ...I haven't truly earned that...you don't need to tell me...not yet."

"But, I do...need to tell you, because I do love you...and I've wanted to tell you for so long...and now...Derek...whether ...there is a baby or not...just the possibility that we...that what we feel for one another...could have resulted in our conceiving a baby...I
need to tell you...over and over...that I love you...I have loved you for so long..."

"I adore you Meredith."

"As I do."

"You brought joy back to my life," he murmured, "when I thought...I'd lost faith...in so much, you saved me...and my life feels complete only when I'm with you...only with you in it, even if it's only to watch you sleep, to catch a glimpse of you during the day...to hear your voice in the middle of the night...you are my life Meredith."

"I can't imagine my life without you, I've already told you, Derek... in so many different ways and words, the last week, this last week of our lives...I was so scared, so scared to say it, but the feelings have always been there...even without the words, the feelings were always there."

"Thank you, for loving me."

"You don't need to thank me, Derek...it's enough we love each other...oh, Derek, that feels so good to say...I'm scared as hell still, but it feels so good not to hold it bottled up inside."

"There's no need to be scared, we're in this together...whatever comes our way...we're in this together."

"Derek, I know, I could be pregnant, but if I'm not, or what if I am...and there's something wrong. I'm scared of that Derek, because, my symptoms...if I am, they're not good...there could be something really wrong."

"If you're not, we deal with what's going on. Either way, we have to find out what's going on."

"And...if there's something wrong...and it it's something else...and I can't... can't give you the family you want...what do we do then," she said her voice filled with anguish.

"I already told you, you...we are going to be fine."

"I'm going to believe you... I need to."

"I'll be here, always, to love you always, and we will get through whatever we need to."

"Derek, you really don't mind do you?"

"Mind?"

"This unexpected possibility...this maybe baby..."

"My heart is leaping with joy at the mere idea...the slight chance...we've created a baby."

"Me too, Derek..."

"So...we find out today..."

"We will."

"Meredith, I love you, not matter what, I love you."

"I love you too."

"You have no idea what hearing those words mean," he voiced with emotion.

"Oh, but I do, because when I hear them...when I hear you say them...Derek, my world stops...and all feels safe and perfect."