(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Rejection Part 2

Derek sat in stunned disbelief staring at the woman standing unwavering before him. He was literally speechless. She wanted to talk and had come to find him, and he wasn't sure what came next.

His own insecurities had made him react defensively, and replied, almost demanding to know what she wanted to talk about. He'd immediately regretted the tone he had used, when he heard his words out loud, but he was also fighting the urge to break down over the mess they had become in a matter of hours. He had seen her hesitate for just a moment, but she hadn't backed down, and simply and truthfully responded.

Softer now, but still guarded, he looked deeply into her eyes, and questioned, "why Meredith? Why is it important to talk now? What exactly are you afraid of loosing?"

She met his gaze and saw the same pain and vulnerability she'd been feeling. She'd come this far, and there was no turning back, not anymore. She knew the future of their relationship depended on her answer.

"You," she whispered with heartfelt emotions echoing in her words. "I'm afraid of loosing you, and that lifetime you've promised."

Her words shot through straight to his heart, like a thousand arrows punishing him for the pain he had inflicted, for the reactions he'd allowed anger to rule. But, at the same time, they were music to his ears, as beautiful as the loveliest melody ever heard, and her voice the loveliest sound he could ever imagine.

Without hesitation he jumped from the chair and went to stand before her, inches away, but not touching.

"Then why, when I came to stand by you, did you reject me and turn away?"

She inhaled deeply, before she answered, neither breaking eye contact "Because,"
she paused, "because I was afraid...if you touched me..." he interrupted her.

"You were afraid of me? Afraid of me touching you," he added confused and surprised, "I've never...never hurt you with my touch."

"No... not that you'd hurt me... just... just that I didn't know what you wanted to talk about... and I was afraid, so afraid...and if you touched me, I would break down, and I had to hold myself together, because, I thought if you wanted to talk it was just going to be to tell me again you ... you couldn't do it anymore... like before,"she paused briefly as her eyes began to shine with unshed tears, " like... like the time when you said you couldn't ... you didn't want to breathe for me anymore."

Derek saw one lone tear escape the corner of her eye and slide down her face, and gently reached out to wipe it away with a tender caress.

"Mer, I was watching you, and we'd walked away from each other, presumably ending things, and I felt my heart was breaking, I was angry and I had said things I didn't really mean, and I had hurt you, but you'd put up this wall, and I felt I couldn't reach you, but then, I had to make an effort, so I walked over to you."

"I felt you, you know, as you approached me, and all I wanted was to lean back into you, and have you hold me, and tell me that we were going to be ok, that we could work through our problems, but Derek, I was so scared... I'm still scared, that we may not be able to, and I didn't want to risk hearing that from you."

"We need to stop making assumptions, and start communicating, because Mer, when I walked over to you, all I wanted was to hold you, to ask that we talk, to say that I'm sorry, to ask that you forgive me, forgive me for all the pain I caused you, especially today."

"And here I am, ready to talk," she said with a bit more lightness in the air.

"Yes, you are, and that surprised me, seeing you standing at my door."

"That took a lot of courage, you know, I wasn't sure if I could go through with it, but knew I couldn't let things stay the way they were."

"Mer... today, after you walked away, I was really angry with you for rejecting me,
and..." he was interrupted, when she placed her hand on his arm.

"Der, wait, let's not talk of anger, there's so much I want to say, and don't want to loose my courage... please...please, hear me out," she pleaded softly, and without allowing him to continue, began to ramble on.

"Derek," she said softly, "today, was a really emotional day, for so many reasons."

Attempting to make light of the situation, she continued. "You brought house plans, and it scared me, but Derek, it IS a beautiful house," she smiled up at him,"and then I cooked an apparently horrible breakfast for Lexie, for 'my' sister, Derek."

"Then Tuck's accident, and all the hours we spent wondering if he was going to make it, made me think... made me think a lot." she paused, before continuing.

Softly, she said, "Derek, we haven't really talked about it, but it was big, really big Derek. I drowned, I died, you pulled me out of the water," emotion accentuating every word as her eyes again began to fill with unshed tears, "and you brought me back to life...and.... and... instead of sharing with you what happened, how that has changed me...how I feel...I....I haven't ... and instead pull away from you, when all I desperately want is for you to love me, for you to find that I'm enough for you, that I'm not a disappointment like I was to my mother, and now to my father," she continued, as tears now freely flowed down her face, "I want to be more than ordinary.... for you."

Before she could go on, he'd bridged the inches between them and hugged her, as though he'd never let her go, and told her, his voice hoarse with emotions, "You have never been ordinary, not a single day of your life. You, my love, are in fact, extraordinary."