(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Brotherly Affection

It was almost four o'clock when her pager went off, and she ended up with another surgery.

"Grey," Mark said a bit surprised she was scrubbing in, "I didn't know you were paged for this surgery."

"It's been that kind of day, Dr. Sloan, this should be good...haven't been in one of your surgeries in a while."

"Yeah," he said uncharacteristically preoccupied.

"Is everything all right," she asked him.

"Grey, look...you don't have to scrub in..."

"Why not?"

"Well...it's... Rose is the scrub nurse."

Taking a deep breath, she did not answer immediately, but then said, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness...but, it's bound to happen...this is just the first time since..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said and followed him in to the OR. Meanwhile, she felt herself becoming weaker and losing her resolve, wishing she could run away and hide.

The surgery was fairly routine, and was not supposed to last longer than hour, but fifteen minutes already seemed like hours, and then she felt someone's gaze on her and lifted her eyes and found herself staring into dark penetrating and challenging brown eyes.

She hated Derek at that moment, hated him for having kissed that woman and for putting her in the position she was in right now. Hated him for the heartbreaking feelings deep within her soul and the doubts that came rushing back, and no matter how much he apologized or how much he voiced his regret, there was one undeniable fact, that however brief the moment had been, he had chosen Rose over her.

Mark heard the almost inaudible gasp and immediately glanced up, noticing Meredith had suddenly become very pale and for just a second had closed her eyes, and when they opened he was looking into shining green-grey eyes brimming with tears.

"Grey, I should have banned you from my surgeries...after you've been holding out on me," he began, in an attempt to clearly establish boundaries and publicly stating his support of her.

He'd been quick to judge her, the dirty mistress, and not long ago Derek had cursed him out and forbade him to speak about her again. He 'd been surprised over the sense of protectiveness he'd felt for her the day she unknowingly revealed the horribly lonely childhood she'd had, and Mark Sloan now unexpectedly experienced a sense of brotherly affection towards Meredith Grey.

"Excuse me, Dr. Sloan," she asked, honestly confused.

"Earlier today, Grey, you didn't tell me I'd already lost my bet," he continued as his attention was fully back on the patient.

"I'm not sure I understand," she told him, finding it hard to believe he'd bring this up at this time, and wondering what he was going to say next.

"It's really not fair Meredith, that you and Derek are clearly back together, and you didn't give me a heads up, before I continued to make an ass of myself over those 23 days..."

He turned his gaze to her, silently willing her to rise to his challenge, and not give in to the deep felt and painful emotions reflected in her eyes.

She looked at him in shock as she watched him say, "cat got your tongue?"

"I thought we'd let you sweat it out a bit more...that way, we could rub it in your face and it'd be ever more satisfying," she said fully rising to the occasion, and unaware of how she found the courage to speak much less what she'd said... publicly admitting she and Derek were back together, when they were clearly not.

"Lucky for you, Shep already did Mer...he's already rubbed my loss in my face... and the rumor mill's had some talk about lavender...whatever the hell that means..."

"Yes...part of it ...was... related to lavender..." she said looking up at him and finally he saw a smile behind the mask.

"Now you are really going to owe me...for holding out...and having to find out by Shep rubbing it in my face...so our agreement...about the best man...I expect you to live up to that..."

"I'll have to talk to Derek about it..."

"He's not going to say no....whatever you ask him...he won't say no..."

"All I can do is try..."

"I have the highest faith in your ability to convince him."

"So do I...Dr. Sloan, so do I..."

The surgery was finished and both were ready to scrub out, "are you ok?"

"Yes," she said, but he could see the distant look in her face and the ever so slight movement as she reached out to hold on to the sink.

"You're not all right," he said and was at her side immediately and drew her into his embrace as she broke down and sobbed.

"I can't...I can't....I didn't ...didn't realize...it would be so hard...so hard to see her...and she looked straight into my eyes...almost...like challenging me..."

"It's ok..." he said, trying to find a way out of this, he definitely was not comfortable with the role of support he had been handed, "if you want me to hold you, it's ok by me... but you know," he tried to tease her, " if Derek finds us like this...we're both going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble... and I don't think he'll agree to me being best man..."

"How...how can you joke?"

"Because I want to see you smile."

"Why...why did you do that... in surgery...why..."

"Because, I saw how you reacted and knew it had to be related to her...and I wanted to make it very clear to everyone that Derek has chosen to be with you."

"But...he didn't...at some point...he chose her..."

"Grey, you must know by now that Derek's not really bright about some things...and this is one of them...he's got no experience with women..."

"What..." she said and could not help but laugh.

"I'm serious...and hey, I've tried to teach him...but the guy's slow..."

"Mark...Derek is not slow..."

"I'm not talking about sex Grey..."

"Neither was I..."

"See, there we disagree, the man is naïve about women ...Grey... he went from home and five women whom he trusts... to some girls, never as many as me, even at that young age...and then Addie...and then...you..."

"He would so kill you over this conversation."

"He should be kissing the ground I walk on... over saving his ass right now...and establishing where my loyalties are..."

"I think you've done that Mark...you are pretty much back to how things were before... aren't you?"

"Yes, but I did not mean my loyalty to him. But to you...to you as the only woman he loves."

"To me," she asked, and he saw the tears in her eyes, "but why... lots of times I've certain you really don't like me..."

"I wasn't sure about you...that's different...but now...well, I think you're pretty special."

"Thank you..." she said, visibly moved, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there."

"You would have been just fine," he told her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I've got to go, I have another scheduled surgery now."

"Mark..." she said before he walked out, "I hope Derek loses his bet as well."

"Oh...and what exactly was that.?"

"I know he didn't tell you...but...I owe you...so..."

"Fess up... Grey..."

"When hell freezes over..."

He laughed, "that bastard...he knew...that would only raise the challenge..."

Meredith felt absolutely drained, physically and emotionally. She had told Derek she'd page him for an early dinner, but couldn't bring herself to do it, her emotions were too raw...to vulnerable right now.

Derek lost track of time as he sat in his office catching up with paperwork, when he suddenly glanced at his watch and it was almost seven o'clock. Meredith hadn't paged him which meant she must be tied up in surgery, so he went to figure out when she would be done.

He stepped into the elevator and saw a friendly face. "Lexie, this is a nice surprise."

"Hi Dr. Shepherd."

"Are we back to that?"

"In the hospital...we are..."

"Have you seen Meredith, she was supposed to page me about having dinner."

"Oh...I'm not sure, but I just saw her and she asked me to give her a ride home so she could get her car."

"She asked you to do that? When?"

"A few minutes ago..." she was wrapping up some charts and told me she'd meet me in about 10 minutes.

He felt the floor dropped out from under him...and that something was terribly wrong.

"Do you know, if she was tied up in surgery?'

"No, she finished a couple hours ago."

"Do you know where she is?"

"Yes, third floor...Derek...is something wrong, it... it seems....like you're upset.."

He swallowed hard, "no, nothing's wrong, but listen, don't worry about driving her home, I'll take care of it."

"Well...I mean...Mer asked me...and I don't want her to think...I mean...that I didn't want to take her..."

"Lexie, don't worry, she won't think that...I'll take care of it."

"Ok...Derek...I thought everything was ok with you two...but, it's not is it..."

"I'm going to find out...because everything was fine earlier today..."

"Derek...for what it's worth...she did look a little sad...when she asked me..."

"Thanks Lexie, I'm going to go talk to her. Have a nice evening."

"You too...and Derek, you may need to be a little patient with her...I think she's going through a really hard time...I mean... I'm not talking behind her back...but she's had a lot of things happen at the same time..."

"Yes...don't worry, I know."

Derek went to find her, realizing the first thing he needed to do was remain calm.
Something had obviously changed since he'd seen her, and he needed to know what upset her.

He walked directly to the resident's lounge and opened the door, hoping they would have some privacy. He saw her sitting down at the round table, head bent with her face buried in her hands.

"Meredith," he said softly, and saw her startled reaction as she raised her head, and he noticed the movement of her hands wiping tears away, and it tore at his heart.

"Meredith," he said again, as he reached her side and pulled a chair to sit down next to her, and turned her face to look at him. "What's wrong? What happened?"

'Nothing, I'm sorry, I got tied up in surgery, and just finished."

He took a deep calming breath, and reached for her hand and gently told her, "you're lying to me."

"I'm not," she said very quietly and unconvincingly.

"Yes, you are, and I want to understand why."

"You don't know it all Derek," she said defensively.

"No, I don't. But, when I realized how late it was, I thought you might be stuck in surgery, and I saw Lexie, and asked her if she'd seen you, she told me she was giving you a ride home, and that you'd been out of surgery for a couple of hours."

"She has a big mouth."

"No, she doesn't. I asked her, and she didn't know about the plans we'd made, so there was no reason for her not to answer my questions."

She tried to release her hand from his grasp.

"Meredith, don't" he said as he caressed her hand, "don't pull away from me."