(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Strengthening Bonds

"You're having a baby...and you...you told me...and you said...I'm going to be an aunt again...and you're...glad I'm your sister..." Lexie rambled, to Meredith's amusement.

"You know, Lexie...I actually lied..."

"You lied...you lied...why...about what...the baby...no, you wouldn't do that...oh...you're not glad..."

"I lied about you being an aunt again...well, I didn't lie, really...it's just you're going to be more than an aunt..."

"Meredith, you're rambling," she stated with a serious expression.

Meredith laughed, "you're telling ME I ramble..."

"What did you lie about..."

"I told you I didn't lie...just you're not just going to be an aunt to my baby...I want you to be the godmother..."

"Why?"

"Why...you don't want to be," Meredith asked her and Lexie saw the hurt look in her eyes.

"Oh...no...I do...I do Mer...I'm honored, but...I'm just...we just met...and you have so many other friends, and Cristina she's your person...and I know, that's really special to you...and I'm just..."

"You are just you say...my sister."

"Yeah, not that special."

"Not that special..." she said and her eyes filled with tears, "you ...you...on the night my life was falling apart, you were there, and I don't know what I would have done without you...in spite of how I had treated you, how I had distanced myself, not wanting anything to do with you, when I needed someone that was going to offer comfort I did not even know I needed, instead of criticism, as Cristina would have done, I found my sister...one I never knew existed...who was willing to offer affection, when I had given her none...and in the last two weeks...I've been open and honest with you...and trying to learn how to be a sister...family...and now...I tell you I want you to be my baby's godmother...and you don't think that is special..."

"I didn't mean that...of course it's special...I just...I meant...I was not special enough, for you to pick me..."

"But I did," she said reaching out to Lexie and held her hand, "isn't that enough, Lexie, that I think you are very special?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry...I'm honored...I am..."

"I cry about everything now, but it hurt" she admitted, "this is kind of new to me, Lex, being open instead of bottling up my feelings, it hurt my feelings, when I thought what you were saying was that it wasn't special enough for you."

"Meredith..."

"Yes..."

"Being your baby's godmother...it's the most special thing in the world..."

"It is?"

"Ever since I found out about you...I was so excited to meet you...to know you..."

"But I didn't meet your expectations, did I?"

"You have now...totally..."

"I'm learning...but, like just now, our mutual misunderstanding, I may not always get it right...and with these hormones...they're a bitch...so you may have some deciphering to do..."

"I can imagine...poor Derek...must be going through hell..."

"That is not nice, Lexie...you should be sympathizing with me," she said teary eyed, "it's not like he's Mr. Perfect in all this...you know."

"Mer, I didn't mean anything by that...only I know, from Molly her hormones were everywhere, even long distance when we would talk I could tell and she would tell me Eric was going crazy."

"Don't mind me, it is poor Derek...and he's been great, since we found out, well since before we found out, which you already know, cause he asked and you asked and I thought you were both nuts, but you were right, and well...just so you know, apparently if I talk about not being nice, the hormones are kicking in, and you can expect that I'm going to cry..."

"Did you breathe?"

"Do you, when you ramble," she said and both sisters laughed.

"Meredith, tell me everything."

"Everything?"

"When you're due, how you found out...oh my God, Mer, what does Derek think? Is he happy? He must be, I know, he'd be thrilled...and ...oh wait...you weren't feeling well, today...and now, are you ok? Meredith, why did you come home?"

"I told you," she explained, but this time including the visit to the doctor's office.

"I'm glad you did that, and that you can see him tomorrow."

Meredith reached over to the bowls of ice cream, and to Lexie's dismay, she mixed three of the melting flavors together in a bowl and began to eat.

"What?"

"Do you want me to get you some that is not melted?"

"No, this is good, you should try some."

"I'll pass."

"I'm thinking," Meredith said smiling, "that we have a lot more in common then we knew..."

"Like what?"

"Well, you know the hands things, you brought that up, we do that, and the ramble of course...strawberry ice cream...and those moments when we allow ourselves to doubt that other people care about us...we're going to have to work on that Lexie, maybe we can work on that together," she said, and they found themselves looking at each other with tears reflected in their eyes.

"Yeah...you're right."

"And the tears," Meredith, said, "don't forget the tears...we're both water fountains, it seems," and they both smiled.

"Meredith, you haven't answered my other questions, and when do you plan to tell people, I mean, you won't be able to hide it."

"I'm waiting to go to the doctor, and then we'll see about telling people, right now, it's just Mark and Kathleen that know, and I really wanted to tell you, and I told Derek that..." she continued relating the conversation about the visit east and the baptism, and wanting her to be godmother.

"When did you tell Derek? I mean he knew, but you were so convinced, you weren't pregnant."

She reached over to the nightstand drawer, pulling out the onesie she had used to tell him the news, and told her how he'd found it.

"That is so romantic, that you thought of that...it's too bad, about what happened, at Joe's, but you're ok?"

"Yes, we've straightened everything out."

Meredith was holding the small piece of clothing, folding it, when Lexie noticed her necklace, "Meredith what is that?"

"What?"

"Your necklace?"

"Derek gave me this, last night to celebrate..."

"It's beautiful..."

"It is...he was so romantic Lexie, he said when he saw it, he knew it was the perfect gift,
our hearts entwined, and until we could tell people, we'd know...the little one...was our baby."

"That's beautiful...and so romantic...Mer, I'm surprised Derek has kept the secret, I know he must be just dying to say something..."

"He is...but he agreed we'd wait till after my doctor's appointment, and he's been preoccupied with his sister here. You're really going to like her, I think...you will."

"Well, after tomorrow...you should be ok to start telling people."

They continued to talk, Meredith answering her questions, and then she said.

"Lexie, can I ask you questions, as we get to know each other, do you mind?"

"No, of course you can ask."

"Do you pray?"

"Yes, why?"

"I'm thinking...I may need you to pray for me...and my baby..." she said, with a broken sob.

"Meredith, why are you saying that?"

"I just," she said biting her lower lip, with tears in her eyes, "I think there may be something wrong," she finished, while her sister, this time without any hesitation, reached over to embrace her as she'd done earlier, but now there were tears of fear and sadness shared.

Neither heard Derek walk up the stairs, and hence when he saw them he was filled with concern.

"Meredith," he said as he reached her side, "what's wrong, you told me you were fine, what's happened?"

She and Lexie wiped their tears, "nothing, girl talk, and sentimental, and we both realize we have a lot of things in common, including getting teary eyed and emotional."

"Uhmmm," he said leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Lexie had risen, and gone around to where he stood, "congratulations daddy," and looking over at Meredith for approval, hugged him.

"Xena...the godmother..."

"Derek, I'm so honored...truly...thank you..."

"It was your sister's idea...and I couldn't be happier."

"Neither could I... except I think I may need to run for corner, once Cristina finds out."

"She'll be fine. She's not all that sentimental, as I knew you would be."

"I hope you're right, Mer, because she's my resident, and she can be a hard ass bitch."

Meredith and Derek laughed, "that would be Cristina," he said.

"Do you need me to do anything, I mean...you're probably staying in tonight, right?"

"Yes, Xena, she is," Derek said, and hugged her, "thank you for being here."

"She has a lot of people that care about her..."

"Yes, she does."

"I'm going to run to the grocery store in about fifteen minutes, so let me know if you need me to get anything," she said, and closed the door behind her.

He sat on the bed facing her, "you've been crying."

"I told you...sentimental...emotional...hormones..."

"Sad tears, Meredith, when I came in, those were sad tears."

"Maybe..."she admitted, and he could see the tears start to fall, "will you hold me, please."

"Hey...what's this...why the tears," he said as he leaned in to her and kissed them away, and then laid down beside her and held her, and allowed her to cry softly.

"Derek...I'm scared."

"Why are you scared," he said, as he kissed her temple, "what aren't you telling me?"

"I'm afraid, if I tell you, it may be true..."

"What will be true," he asked gently.

"My feeling...the bad feeling from today."

"Why don't you tell me about your day...and we will figure things out together."

"I wasn't feeling too well, I can't describe it, just odd, and then I was feeling faint, and it had happened before, but today, I just felt different, so I went to get my lab results and stopped by the doctor's office," she continued telling him all that had happened that afternoon and her decision not to go into surgery, and Mark's insistence she go home.

"Mark's really taking this seriously," he attempted to tease her.

"He is, he said it's his job, when you're not around, except he can't sleep with me," she teased back.

"He knows better."

"Derek, I would never..."

He turned, and looked at her, "I trust you...completely," he said and kissed her.

"Derek, I think Mark needs to find someone that loves him."

"We are not getting involved."

"You don't have to..."

"Neither will you..."

"You can't tell me what to do...if I want to..."

"I love bossy Meredith, but I think you're in for disappointment if you think Mark wants the same kind of love...and settling down that we do."

"I think you're wrong, I think he's lonely."

"You know what...I'm staying out of it."

"I'm not saying I'm going to interfere...just that he needs someone."

"He has someone, he's been dating Tracy, a lot."

"Uhmmm...I know."

"Meredith..."

"Derek...be nice."

"That nice didn't work, Meredith."

"You can tell the difference?"

"Yes...you cheat."

"That is not nice Derek, to call your child's mother a cheat."

"If the shoe fits..."

"You and Lexie should compare quotations..."

"Why, she uses them a lot..."

"Sometimes."

"She seemed happy, to be the godmother..."

"She was..." she said softly.

"But..."

"We just had a little misunderstanding...a good one...because, it helped us understand each other better."

"Uhmmm"

"Derek, my doctor's appointment is for tomorrow at ten, I know, Kathleen is here, and it's last minute, but..."

"Do you honestly think I would be anywhere else?"

"No, but, I mean...it was for next week..."

"Meredith, I'm going to be there...you don't even have to ask, and the rest of your appointments, I'm going to be there too."

"Derek, you're busy and things come up...and I would understand, I mean surgeries come up... and are delayed..."

"Listen to me, nothing is more important than you are...and you being healthy...and I'm going to plan around you, your appointments, I'm not missing out on anything about our baby, I'm going to be with you, every step of the way...together..."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too, now how about you take a nap, and really get some rest."

"Are you leaving?"

"Not till it's time to get Kathleen, I talked to her after we spoke. She wanted to make sure you were ok, and I told her I'd come get her around seven, so we can both take a nap for the next ninety minutes."

"Ok" she said and snuggled against him, as he held her and worried about what had remained unsaid.

"Close your eyes Meredith."

"How do you know they are open."

"I know you..."

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm, is this another one of those cooking lessons type conversations?"

"That is really not nice, Derek, you are making fun of me, and it was important, and you can forget it what I was going to say, you are just not nice..." she said and started to pull away, making him realize this time, he was dealing with hormones.

"I just want you to get some rest."

"That's whst you always say when you don't want to listen to me, and things that are important to me."

"Meredith, stop pouting, and talk to me."

"Just forget it," she said, pouting.

He pulled himself away to look at her, and kissed her, "stop being a brat," he teased.

"Derek..."

"Kiss me back, and be quiet," he said, and she did, and shortly after fell asleep in his arms, and did not wake up when he carefully slipped out of bed and went to get Kathleen.

Meredith heard the faint sound of voices coming from downstairs and stirred, and glancing at the clock realized it was almost seven thirty. She changed and went to join everyone.

"You look well rested," Derek said walking up to her, and kissing her softly.

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long, I could have helped here with dinner."

"You needed to rest, and everything is taken care of."

"Kathleen, sorry it couldn't be a nicer evening for you."

"Meredith, this is fine, and you needed your rest."

"Derek, how could you," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Your sister...she comes to my home...and you get pizza, it's like an insult...Derek...how could you...?"

"Meredith, it's fine, really, it was my idea, I love pizza."

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

Right away, Kathleen noticed she was a little distant, and did not quite understand why, but was determined not to let it continue.

"It's a beautiful home, and I loved the porch swing, why don't we sit outside while Derek gets everything set, he also got some lasagna that needs to be heated."

Meredith wasn't given much of an option, and walked outside with her and they sat on the porch.

"Did you meet Lexie, I thought I heard her voice."

"Yes, we actually walked in together. She'd gone for a run and said she was going to take a quick shower."

"Ok."

"Meredith, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing...nothing's wrong."

"Well, we disagree...I definitely feel a very different welcome than when I saw you this morning."

"Nothing's different, really, I'm sorry you feel that way, you're in my home, and I would never want you to feel unwelcome."

"Well, you know what, I do feel that way, because something has changed from this morning, and I want you to tell me what it is, because it is not nothing, and it's not my imagination."

Meredith was quiet, and Kathleen watched her struggle with her emotions, noting how she bit on her lower lip, and she could see the tears gather in her eyes.

"Meredith," she said, reaching out and holding her hand, "please, tell me, what's changed?"

"You talked to Derek...all day today..."

"Yes, I did."

"Now you know."

"What do I know?"

"That I hurt him...when he called you, I hurt him so much," she said, unable to keep the tears from sliding down her face, "and that Nancy was right, that I was that slutty intern she talked about."

"Oh, honey, that's not what I learned today," she said, and pulled her in to her arms, embracing her as she would one of her own kids, "that's not what I learned today at all."

"You...you don't hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you...in fact, I think Derek hated me a couple of times today, and accused me of totally being biased and on your side."

"He did?"

"Yes, he did, because I was very unhappy with him, for many of the things he's done."

"But, he's your brother."

"Yes, and you...you are the woman that loves him, and what I found was that he had been very unfair and treated you in a way that was not worthy of him."

"Oh...please, tell me you did not say that to him, he's very big on being honorable."

"But, he wasn't."

"Kathleen, I did very bad things...well, not bad things, but, after Derek...after he went back to Addison, I drank a lot...and brought home inappropriate men..."

"I know...but you want to know what I heard today? I heard about how you met, and how he didn't tell you about Addie, and how he went back to her, when he shouldn't have, and many many other things, but, Meredith, I heard about a lovely, compassionate and beautiful young woman, who was hurt and in love, and alone because my brother could not do the right thing to begin with...and all I wanted to do, was have the opportunity to do just this, to hold you and tell you that no matter what happens, I want to be your friend."

"You...don't hate me...for hurting him...what I said to him..."

"I'd have to hate him too...for hurting you," she said, and heard the broken sob, and embraced Meredith and let her cry, tears of disbelief and healing and acceptance.