Irkens Cant Love (Zim x reader)

34. Emotional deficiency

"No I'm not missing memories..." he trailed off, "I'm just trying to remove something..."

I raised a brow in confusion, walking to the opposite side of the table to sit down.

I didn't need to know what the problem was. It was okay for him not to tell me. However, I couldnt let him keep hurting himself over it.

My eyes trailed back to the large bruise on his fist and my first instinct was to gently take it.

I slowly rubbed my thumb over the dark circle, frown ever present on my face.

"Whatever you need to remove, you shouldnt be hurting yourself over it. If it's that hard to do, you can ask me for help. That's what friends do, Zim" I spoke, keeping my voice low and calm to help ease his emotions too.

There was a long pause, a comfortable one. We were frozen for a short while until Zim started to close his fingers around mine, locking our hands together.

"....I'm trying to remove some emotions..." he claimed, refusing to look at me as he spoke. "I've been feeling things that I shouldnt be feeling and its causing a deficiency in my PAK." He explained slowly, not entirely sure of how to voice the cause of his upset.

His trembling started up again, I could feel it steadily rising in the palm of my hands as I continued to rub them gently.

"Deficiency? What does that have to do with emotions?" I questioned, tilting my head slightly.

The irken released a shaky sigh, seeming unable to continue his explanation. He just stopped talking, taking a long moment to attempt at controlling his breathing.

Eventually it ended up leading to computers voice cutting through the silence.

"Allow me to explain. Irkens have a very specific system and criteria they must follow. If this criteria is not met, then an Irken is considered defective." They explained, urging Zim to nod along solemnly.

I was still clearly confused. What did it have to do with emotions? What part of the criteria was Zim failing to meet?

My eyes landed back on zim, who clenched his eyes shut. He was distressed and clearly was not prepared for this conversation.

The computer continued, sensing my confusion.

"Certain emotions in irkens are considered Defective, whether it be superiority, defiance to the empire, or deep emotional connections, like love."

I nodded, finally understanding.

Zim had a few deep connections of friendship. It may not have been the love I was hoping for but Zim has made some pretty strong emotional connections with me and Lori. Not to mention he definitely has some sort of superiority complex.

But why it was such a problem continued to elude me. What was wrong with having feelings?

"Why is that considered defective?" I asked, unsure if it was right for me to continue asking questions.

This time Zim responded, eagerly trying to regain his composure.

"Because irkens cant lose sight of their purpose. If we had any emotional connectivity, it could cause us to make decisions that lack any benefit to the armada. It just weakens us..." he stated, sounding both sure and unsure at once.

The was no way of telling what he really thought about this rule.

"But that shouldnt matter. Your feelings dont endanger anybody. And your feelings are what make you who you are." I told him, voice raising ever so slightly.