Missing Martha

152

Martin attempted to put on a sturdy face as he cancelled all his meetings.
"Are you okay?" Asked Lottie as he signed himself out early,
"Yeah- sorry.. A close friend of ours has died- we need to go and see the family.." he told her, his eyes constantly shifting downwards.
"I'm so sorry- if there's anything you need-"
"It's okay. It was expected.. thank you, Lottie."

Martin and Zoe left arm in arm, both trying their hardest to keep it together, to hide the tears until they got in the car.
Zoe lent against the passenger head rest with her eyes closed, letting her tears of grief trickle down her cheeks.
"God.. I'm gonna miss him.." Sighed Martin, his eyes bloodshot from crying.
Martin felt as if his whole world was collapsing, it had happened, Ryan had actually died. This was it. Everything he had dreaded had happened. It was over. Everything was over. It just didn't feel like it, it would never feel like it.
Still, to this day Martin missed Martha. He hadn't come to terms with her death in his mind. It felt like she was elsewhere. She was somewhere far away, one day she'd come home. One day.

Martin, to his own surprise, drove remarkably calmly to the hospital. He subconsciously parked in the same spot he had parked all those weeks ago when Ryan had collapsed in school and he had to bring all the students to the hospital to see him. Now they'd see him again. Only a paler, lifeless version of the boy that brought them all so much joy over the last five years through music and love and eternal friendship.

The hospital felt cold, and Martin was overcome with an array of terrible flashbacks.
The room that they were about to enter was the same room that Martin had entered four months ago to see his daughter lying still, so absolutely still. Her pale complexion illuminated in the dull winters dusk. She was the last ember before the eternal darkness.

He spotted Ryan before everyone else. He was framed by mourners, all of which he recognised but their faces were blurred in the instance.
Ryan wasn't Ryan anymore. Just a ghost of a friend everyone had once known. His grey lips wouldn't sing anymore. His motionless hands wouldn't tap a drum again. The musician would never make another sound.

Embraces were donated around the cubical, emotionally to Lucy who had braved to keep her eyes dry while Martin told her how amazing she had been.
He gave his condolences to Cloda and Jemma who tried to keep their tears at bay while Martin sat down on a seat, staring at Ryan. Feeling like a father who had lost his son.
He put his hands in his jacket pockets before he felt a small piece of paper. Before he even took it out Martin knew what it was; it was the photo of Martha that he had kept on his desk at school. Martin had thrown it in the bin when he returned but Ryan retained it and gave it back to Martin at this very hospital. Martin had found it again when he attempted suicide in Italy by the cliff, he had noticed the inscription of 'I lov yew daddy' which, if Ryan hadn't returned this to him, Martin would have remained oblivious to for the rest of his life.
"D-does Ollie know?" Asked Martin, tears subsiding while he bit his lip.
Jemma shook her head, "I can't get hold of him."
"I'll find him." Said Martin, standing up and wiping his eyes, Zoe looked up in concern.
"I've tried his parents but there was no reply." Said Jemma,
"He's not at his parents. I think I've got an idea of where he might be, I'll be back in half an hour either way." He told everyone,
Zoe looked directly up at him with wide eyes as he slipped his hand slowly away from hers.
She meant everything to him..
He looked back at her, trying to give a blank smile.
It's gonna be okay. He wanted to tell her. I love you.
Martin placed a hand on Jemma's shoulder briefly before he left the room but was followed out by Lucy.
"Thank you, Sir.. for everything. You made his life wonderful." She told him.
Martin bit his lip and looked down, a tear streaming from one eye before he hugged Lucy. They both needed it.
"Thanks for being there... I'm sorry I should have been there too." He told her, his nose in her flower-scented hair.
"You've always been there, Mr McCafferson. And you always will." She replied, breaking apart the hug as he looked into her deep hazel eyes before he nodded and walked away, concealing the tears which shimmered in his eyes.

Martin made his way to his car and climbed inside, turning in the engine while exhaling unsteadily. One breath after another. He had to keep going.
Every breath crescendoed to a gasp while he shifted slowly from second gear into third.
He was on the coast road now, the sea sliced the land in half and Martin was driving along the boundary.
A few trees framed the road; Martin was aiming for the pier that he had found Ollie lying under in their previous encounter.
He was driving at sixty-two miles per hour, the tears were beginning to blur his vision to the point where he just closed his eyes.

Bang.

-And the squeal of the brakes that followed.
And the blood on the windshield when Martin opened his eyes.
The whole world was frozen.
He had hit someone or something and they were most likely lying dead on the road just under the car.
"Oh my god..." he breathed shakily. Everything was shaking. He felt sick, so unbearably sick.
Finding his daughter dead. This was worse, so much worse.
Someone was dead under his car and he was the murderer.
Burning with dread, he unbuckled his seatbelt then reached for the door handle.
He opened the door, and placed one foot on the ground. He felt too weak to stand, but he had to. He owed this to whoever was-
Everything stopped.
Absolutely everything.
The corpse was Ollie's.
Ollie lay drenched in blood under the bumper of Martin's car.
"Oh my god... oh my god Ollie. Ollie! Jesus fuck- fuck. Fuck.. Ollie! No! No, god no Ollie please.."
Martin fell to his knees and pulled Ollie's body onto the side of the road.
His face was already pale but blotted with blood from his nose and a huge dent from the bumper.
Martin checked his pulse, screaming from the silence. He tried to pump on his chest, but all he could feel were his broken ribs from the impact.
"Ollie... oh god please Ollie... not you.. anyone but you.." he whimpered, trying absolutely everything in vain to save Ollie.
A car coming from the other direction stopped and pulled over. A middle aged man walked out, his eyes widening at the sight.
"Have you called the ambulance?!" He called.
Martin shook his head, breathing heavily and quickly.
This is it. This is it. There's no going back. I'm over. I killed at sixteen year old boy. This is how his sister died. I am Alex. I am my child's murderer. I have killed this child that feels like my own.
This is it.
Martin bent down and kissed Ollie's head while tears drenched his eyes. He then ran back into his car and turned on his engine, driving immediately away as fast as he could, cleaning his windshield, constantly screaming. Knowing he'd never see anyone he loved ever again. This was his last day.