Missing Martha

68

Emily sat on the sofa with her phone in her hands, she was smiling at something and constantly typing.
Martin was chopping up vegetables for dinner while Martha was in her room, playing.
"What are you laughing at?" Asked Martin to Emily,
"Oh just.. I'm being flirted at." Sighed Emily.
"W-what? Who?" Laughed Martin, wiping his hands and walking over to her, taking her phone.
"Oh my god you're on tinder!" He laughed,
"Oh give it back you spoil-sport!" She giggled,
"Who's Micheal?" He asked,
"He's a mechanic. He's twenty eight-" Emily began,
"Mmm.. Pay isn't the best. What about.. Phillip?"
"Oh, Phillip is training to be a pilot, he's pretty cute." She said.
Martin took a look at his profile picture, which depicted a bronzed man with pronounced muscles at a tropical looking beach.
"Oh my god that is so fake!" Laughed Martin.
"No it's not!"
"It is! Come on no one has muscles like that." Laughed Martin,
"I've seen them! They're real!" She Insisted,
"Wait.. you've... seen his?" Asked Martin, putting down her phone. Before rolling his eyes, sighing and walking back to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry, Martin." She said,
"You know.. I'm trying to actually make this marriage work." Said Martin,
"I am too- I just.. sometimes I want a night off." She told him,
"Oh my god.. last week when you said you were gonna stay with your friend.. were you sleeping with that guy? Phillip?" He asked, disgusted.
"Look, Martin. You don't own me!"
"I thought I had at least a little bit of ownership over my wife!" Complained Martin,
"We should be able to just take a night or two off! Jesus this wasn't our decision!"
"We're married! We have the same surname! We have a daughter! Come on Emma!"

Martha walked through the door to see them both fighting,
"W-why are you shouting?" She Asked with innocent eyes.
"Sorry sweetheart." Said Emily, kneeling down and hugging Martha, "I was just being stupid."
"You're not stupid." Said Martha,
"Oh I am so so so so stupid compared to you! My little genius!" Emily kissed Martha's forehead and lifted her up on her shoulders, Martin looked over and smiled, knowing that even if she wasn't dedicated to Martin, Emily would always be dedicated to Martha.

Martin woke up in frustration, why was he angry with Emily when she had a stupid affair? Now they were both dead; Emily and Martha. Too many lives had been lost because of Martin.

His mind seemed to cast onto Zoe's miscarriage.. that baby wasn't his.. "a three day old baby wouldn't show up on a pregnancy test!"
Martin began to think about the abortion that Emily had with Martin's alleged 'second child'. Emily had shown him a pregnancy test just a day after the baby was conceived.
If a three day old baby wouldn't show up, then a one day old baby definitely wouldn't.
So there was another lie.
Martin didn't have any children.
Martha was Alex's child, the abortion was someone else's, and Zoe's child was Alex's too.
He was constantly being lied to. All his love life and parenthood was an abundance of tell-tales.
He wanted to die.
He wished he was dead.
He was supposed to be dead.
Why wasn't he dead?
What was keeping him alive?
He felt completely trapped, life was a tiny tin box that he wanted to tear up and break through.
He wouldn't belong in a world with his own grandchildren, with a family and a wife. He wouldn't live in a cottage by the sea, he wouldn't have photo albums with memories. He wouldn't have it. He couldn't. That life was alien to him, it was impossible, unrealistic, stupid. It couldn't be real.
Yes, there were times when he did almost believe in this alien world, he could nearly picture it. The pure essence of it. The love. The cottage, the grandchildren, the family.
But that hope was gone.
And with dread, he opened his eyes again. He was going to be here another day.
Another day.

He didn't know where he was, his vision wouldn't quite focus. This seemed to be becoming more and more frequent, he must have passed out. He couldn't remember when or where.
Then is struck him.. by the cliffside.
There was that stroke of shock.
Wait.. am I dead?!
He couldn't tell if it was horror or relief, he felt conscious; he didn't want this. If he was dead he wanted to be brain dead too. He didn't want to be able to think or to worry or to ponder on his mistakes.

I'm on a school trip. I'm on a fucking school trip how dare I do this?!

He opened his eyes up immediately and looked around, seeing the moment pass him by.
His hand was connected to someone else's.. Ryan. He was falling, at least, beginning to. He was swung forewords with force till he hit the rocky ground.
His hands hit it first, before his knees and arms.
He began gasping for breath but the rain seemed to eliminate that from happening.
He felt the tremors of more footsteps running towards him.

Hands were touching him, his shoulders, mainly.
Then they pulled him up. Martin felt hopelessly drunk, but he hadn't had anything to drink. He felt high, but he hadn't overdosed.
He just let it all happen.
There was a constant ring in his ear, he heard muffles of words and orders; he's the teacher, he shouldn't be ordered around.
His name was called out, all his names. Everything he had ever been called: sir, Martin, Charles, Mr McCafferson, sweetheart, honey, mate, everything except dad.

When he fully woke up he was somewhere completely new.
White sheets, in a white bed, with white walls and translucent white curtains.
He touched the pillows with his shaking hands.
He was alone.

He looked to his hands, there were scratches along the palms. His phone was placed on his bedside table beside a note.
Martin carefully picked up the a5 piece of paper, the handwriting was rounded and joint.
Hi Martin,
We're in a hotel just about 10 miles north of Rome, I'm in room 235 and the kids are in 236 and 237. Your key is in the door- (I wrote this at 9pm Thursday). I'll check up on you in the morning but come in whenever you like. I'm really sorry about earlier, and everything I've done. I do love you. I always will and I'm absolutely heart broken at how much hatred you bring on yourself.
The kids adore you, I adore you. You are an amazing person no matter what you think. You've had a horrible past but that doesn't mean that your future can't be amazing.
I'm right next door- call me when you're awake.
Zoë xx