Missing Martha

43

When they eventually reached it, Martin ran into the hospital, Ryan had fallen asleep in the bed at the back of the van. He went to the reception, revising over his French vocabulary, "excuse-moi.. eh.. mon élève, il est très malade, il a eu un .." Martin couldn't remember the word for seizure, he thought about explaining it with his body but he knew he'd probably be asked to leave, "... il a besoin d'aide."
"où est-il?" Asked the receptionist,
"Endormi." Said Martin.
"English?" Asked the receptionist,
"Yes." He replied, "His name is Ryan- he had a seizure an hour ago."
"Is he hurt?"
"N-no b-"
"We are very busy- you can make an appointment for tomorrow morning, 7am."
"N-no he needs to be seen now!"
The receptionist pointed to a trolley coming in with a man who was covered in blood. Martin sighed, the receptionist was right.
"I think he has a brain tumour." He told him,
"Are you a doctor?"
"No.. but he hasn't been diagnosed-"
"We will see him tomorrow morning."
Martin opened his mouth, feeling truly defeated. He didn't want to go back to the van with this news. Suddenly this 'emptiness' was beginning to overwhelm him, he reached into his jacket pocket and took out another two anti depressant pills, swallowing them without water this time.
He then, with reluctance, picked up his phone and called Zoe, it answered almost immediately.
"Hey Marty- any luck?" She asked,
"Appointment at 7am tomorrow morning.. I tried Zoë I really did."
"I really have got to call Bronagh." He sighed.
Zoe nodded, "you should." She told him with reluctance. "You need to know everything."
Martin sighed, "this whole trip is just a fucking mess.."
"It's not your fault, Martin." She told him, "listen: where can I meet you?"
"I'm just outside the entrance." He told her, putting the phone down as he saw her walk out of the van towards him.
"Has he woken up again?" Asked Martin as she sat on a bench beside him.
She shook her head.
"I didn't get anywhere with the receptionist.." he told her,
"It's alright." She soothed, rubbing his back with one hand.
"What else can we do?" Asked Martin.
"Nothing." Said Zoe, leaning her head against Martin's shoulder as they looked out at the van.
"We need to go home." Said Martin. "This trip couldn't have gone more wrong."
"But think of the good bits, thing of the things that couldn't be better."
"What good bits? This whole trip has been all seven of us drowning in our regrets!"
"The conversations, the jokes, the music." Said Zoe. "We've been gone five days. We can get over this in the next couple weeks."
"I don't know if I can, Zoë." Sighed Martin,
"Martin. You've lost your whole family, you've been through so much, surely you can go through just one jump."
"Those kids have been through so much. And I treat them as my own. And if they don't get what they deserve then I shouldn't."
"You're too good for a world as horrible as this." Zoë told him, taking his hand.
Martin shook his head, standing up and walking towards the van again, stepping inside.
"Hey guys." He sighed, looking at the whole band that were all sitting on the bed beside Ryan. "How is he?"
"Still asleep." Said Cloda, Who was leaning against the back of the van, her eyes dark.
Martin stared down at Ryan, biting his lip and shaking his head. "It's getting late, get some sleep you guys." He told them.
"Yeah, get some sleep." Said Ryan. Everyone turned to see him lying awake smiling, and that brightened everything.
"Since when were you awake?" Asked Ollie, laughing through his terrified eyes.
"I've been awake for half an hour, you were all saying such nice things!" He laughed, a tear fell from Martin's eye but he quickly swiped it away.
"Nothing's changed with you has it?" Laughed Ollie, nudging Ryan's shoulder.
Ryan looked over to Lucy who's eyes were so bright they looked like they were made of glass.
"You okay, Luce?" Asked Ryan, reaching out and touching her face.
Lucy just cried, burying her head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, "I love you." He whispered in her ear.

The night ended as Wednesday night had. Ollie and Ryan were asleep in the bed, Lucy was asleep in the bunk above with Jemma and Cloda in the two back seats.
Martin lay awake in his sleeping bag, looking out the window.
Zoe sat down beside him, taking his hand, "Don't ever hurt yourself, Martin."
Martin shook his head, "Don't worry about me."
"But I do. How long have you been thinking about suicide?" She asked him.
"Sir?" Asked someone else, Ollie walked up and sat on the seat next to them.
Martin put his head in his hands,
"Sir- please.." Whispered Ollie.
Martin stood up and walked outside. It was very dark, yet the sky was illuminated by tiny specks of light, and the glow of the crescent moon.
"What are we going to do, sir?" Asked Ollie, walking out beside him and leaning on the side of the van.
"I think we're gonna have to go home, Ollie." Said Martin, biting his lip.
Ollie looked down, "and when you get home.. what are you going to do?"
Martin said nothing, he just let his eyes drop,
"It's a long summertime, sir. And that's too much time for you to think."
"It's not for you to worry about, Ollie." He replied, patting his shoulder.
Ollie nodded, "I know it's not. But sometimes I can't help it."
Martin's eyes widened as he chewed his lip, "let's go back inside." He said. Taking a deep breath and looking at Zoe who was still sitting on the seat, she smiled at him. And it was that smile that made him smile back at her, and made him realise how much he really really loved her. She would stay with him no matter what, and she would be the one to keep him going.