Missing Martha

139

Martin set off in his old blue BMW three series that he had bought second hand in 2007 for £2,000 when he was twenty years old. He had been meaning to buy himself a new car for years now, he could afford something quadruple the price, the car was nearing eighteen years old but was still running perfectly, he hadn't gotten round to replacing it.

Zoe followed behind Martin's grubby car in a just-as-grubby van. She tried to catch a glimpse of his reflection in his rear view mirror but it was masked by dust. It was like she wasn't allowed to see his face anymore. Something had changed within him since he came back here.

Martin continued to drive along the road in silence. He attempted to turn the radio on but no music nor news seemed fitting. He wasn't happy, he wasn't sad. He was in some peculiar and obscure in-between state of mind in which he couldn't quite comprehend.
Was this grief? Was this shock? Would he be trapped in this wheel of emotions forever.. he was home. But was home really home without Martha? Without his home? Without Emily?
Martin loved Zoë more than he thought he could ever love a woman. But not more than he had loved Martha. No one could compete with her.
It was purpose, he supposed. Children gave parents a purpose.
Martha was Martin's purpose.. But Zoe... of course she was his purpose... but was it because she was carrying children too? Or is it because he loved her too much that he couldnt face to lose a single second with her...?
Martin bit his lip, he had no idea what was going on inside his mind. He knew he needed to rest, he needed to figure himself out over the weekend.
"Shit." He muttered out loud, remembering he had told his sister, Sophie, that he would meet her tomorrow morning for lunch. The last thing Martin wanted to do was to socialise with anyone other than Zoe. And at that, he didn't want to speak much, he didn't feel like doing anything.
His mind suddenly cast back to when they left Ryan lying on the plush leather sofa of his house. He was paralysed. He couldn't even go to the bathroom alone, never mind walk or drive.
I'm being a prick today. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Martin turned into a driveway just a few metres from a cliff that gave a beautiful view of the roaring Irish Sea. He felt the crackle of the tires on the tarmac as a medium sized stone cottage came into view with a large grassy garden that sloped directly down onto a sandy beach.
Martin sighed with a smile, this was the first time he'd been here in person.
It was perfect.
He pulled up just in front of the house and got out of his car, feeling that he'd rejuvenated himself he watched Zoë as she climbed out of the van with an uncertain countenance.
"Where are we, Martin?" She Asked, raising an eyebrow and walking towards him.
"It's called Tiderush Bay." He told her, his long black coat blowing in the wind as he took her arm and looked out to the sea.
"It's beautiful." She Replied, "absolutely beautiful."
She watched as the ocean glittered and sprayed from the wind and the light while Martin brought one arm around her back.
"I'm sorry for being so indifferent earlier.. I just hadn't expected to see that." He told her as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I just want you to be happy." She said, focusing her eyes from the sea to Martin's face. "I'm always gonna be here for you."
Martin smiled at her before turning his face in slightly as she gripped the collar of his coat and pressed her nose against his cheek before tilting her head slightly so that their delicate lips met. Zoe felt a tentative sensation as Martin ran his fingers through her long blond, curly hair and slid his other hand down her waist, holding her close to him as their mouths tasted each other and their eyelashes brushed against their blushing cheeks.
Zoe was the first to pull away, still holding onto his collar, "Are we in somebody's driveway?" She asked with a smile.
"Yeah." Martin replied with a smirk.
"Shit- Martin! Let's get out!" She giggled, her brows high before he pulled her back in closer and with one hand, took a key out of his pocket and dangled it in front of her.
"Somebody's driveway..." he repeated, smirking at her as her face became that of shock and her shaking hands sheltered over her opening mouth.
"Martin.. what the fuck?" She uttered, taking a step back.
"Merry Christmas." He murmured, taking her hands and placing the key into them.
"It's fucking May." She cried, her eyes watering, "M-Martin.. what the hell..."
"In a couple years.. we'll be sitting over there in the sunroom," he pointed to one of the glass windows, "the doors will be open on a summers day, and the three kids will be running from the beach and back to us. We'll watch them play."
A tear slid down Zoe's eye before she came back into Martin's arms and kissed him passionately, fully immersing herself with thoughts of complete and utter adoration towards him.
She split it up again, "has it got a bed?" She Asked, catching her breath,
"That's the first question you ask?" He chuckled.
"You've bought us a house, you know exactly what I want to do tonight." She breathed.
Martin chuckled at her sudden dirtiness, "why don't we find out?"
Zoe screwed her lips together into a smile, opening her palms she looked at the small house key and then to the front door.
"Together?" She Offered, placing the key in the door. Martin placed his hand over hers and twisted the key as the door opened.
"Always." He promised.