Missing Martha

47

They sat in silence around Ryan's bed before the surgeons asked for some space.
"Do you think he's gonna pull through?" Whispered Zoë to Martin.
"I dunno." He replied, biting his bottom lip in uncertainty.
Zoe looked down at his lips before gazing up to his eyes, "you should bring the kids back to the van and have a rest."
"I'll stay here-"
"I'm capable, you need a break and you know that. I'll call you if anything happens." She promised, taking his hand.
Martin nodded, kissing her cheek, "anything at all." He rubbed his hands down her arms to her fingertips before stepping away and putting his hands on Jemma and Lucy's backs.
"Come on guys." He whispered, nudging them out of the door.
Ollie's hands were down by his side, his diaphragm rising at each unsteady breath. His fringe was rough over his forehead, hiding his bloodshot eyes.
It was already dark outside, the clouds covered the stars and the air was cool.

Martin unlocked the van with unsteady hands, sliding open the door and letting everyone step in first.
"There's some food in the bag.. just help yourself if you want to." Said Martin, knowing that nobody would.
Martin sat immediately in the seat where he usually slept, but the bed at the end was empty. Ollie walked up to where Zoe usually slept and sat down.
Martin unlocked his phone, keeping it close to him, not wanting to miss a single text from Zoe.
"How do you do it, sir?" Asked Ollie, out of the blue. His voice was low and croaky and his expression was dull.
"Do what?" Replied Martin, looking over to him.
"How do you get over it?" He asked, almost gasping as another tear fell from his eye.
Martin's lips parted slightly, looking surprised at Ollie before looking down to his hands.
"You know the answer, Ollie." Said Martin, biting his lips as his eyes tensed, "you don't."
Ollie brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, shaking.
"I really don't wanna lose him."
Martin sniffed, "I know." He whispered back.
He took a quick glance over at Lucy, who was sitting up on the top bunk, her hands over her eyes.
Cloda and Jemma sat opposite each other too. With motionless and broken faces.
"What happens now?" Asked Lucy, out of the blue, "even if he does survive what happens to us?"
Martin shook his head, "we'll just have to see.. em.." Martin took a breath, "if he pulls through he'll be in hospital a couple more days.."
"-and if he doesn't.." Lucy asked, looking over to Martin who had his hand over his mouth.
"First flight back home tomorrow morning."
"Will you lose your job?" Asked Cloda,
"Yeh." Sighed Martin before he shook his head, "doesn't matter. I just want him back."
Tears subsided around Martin's eyes as he looked out of the window.
Why me? He wondered, why do I have to lose everyone? What have I ever done to have everyone that I care about taken from me? Why did my parents have to die? Why did Martha have to die? Why did Emily have to die? Please, please don't let Ryan die!
Martin lay down on the seats, cushioning his head with his hand, he remembered coming home the night after his mother died.
"Hey you're home late." Called Emily from the kitchen, Martin didn't respond, he just walked in.
"I saved you some curry, want some?" She asked,
"No thanks." He replied, sitting down on the sofa at the back of the room and catching his breath.
"H-Hey What happened?" Asked Emily, looking over at him with worry.
"Mum died." He sighed. Looking down.
Emily's lips parted, she walked over to Martin in silence before sitting down beside him and wrapping her arms around him.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
Martin shook his head, "it's okay."
"I don't know what to say." Said Emily.
"I don't know what to feel: it's not good, it's not bad."
"It's over." She told him, "it's all over now."

Martin was woken suddenly to the sound of his phone ringing.
He suddenly went cold, everyone else woke up too.
Zoe was calling.
He took a couple breaths before answering.
This could be it.. it could be all over..
"Hey." He answered, feeling everyone around him watch in anticipation.
"Hey Martin. The operation is over, it went well. He's still asleep but he's stable."
Martin gave off a huge sigh of relief,
"Thank god." He sighed, "thank you."
"He's gonna be okay." She told him.
"Go get some rest, Zoë." He told her, almost crying from the relief.
"I will."
"I'll call his parents."
"Already done."
"Oh Zoe you're the best." He sighed with happiness.
"Go back to sleep I'll see you in the morning."
"See you."
Martin turned around and told everyone what Zoe had told him, their reactions were all the same, uneasy exhaling.
Martin put his phone down on the ground as he pulled up his sleeping bag, feeling blest that Ryan's life was spared, that, for once, Martin received what he wanted, and what he deserved.

"Daddy?" Asked Martha from the back seat of the car in France.
"Yes?" Replied Martin, looking over to Emily who was in the passenger seat.
"Do you and mummy love each other again?"
Martin and Emily looked at each other laughing for a second.
"Is that a maybe?"
"Maybe." Said Martin, smiling and sliding his hand over to Emily's, stroking her soft palm.
"You were up early this morning." Martin told Emily, glancing over at her, "what were you doing?"
"I just nipped down to the shop." She told him, rubbing his hand.
"What did you get?" Asked Martin.
"I'll tell you later." She said, smiling.
Martin raised his eyebrow, "Okay?"
"Actually- Martha? Can you reach into my handbag, sweetheart?" Asked Emily, looking back. "There should be a small, white, plastic stick thing at the top, could you pass it to me?"
Martha lifted up Emily's handbag and took out what Emily had asked for, "this?" She asked.
"Yeah, that's perfect." Said Emily, reaching her hand back.
Martin looked over and his heart dropped,
"What is it?" Asked Martha.
Martin indicated over onto the curb, his mouth dropping.
"Is that-"
"It's a pregnancy test." Said Emily, passing it to Martin.
"Two lines.. that means.." he whispered, his jaw shaking as a wave of nausea splashed over him.
Emily looked down to her abdomen then to Martin.
"Close your eyes, Martha." Said Martin before he placed his hand on Emily's cheek and locked his lips with hers, running his hands down her waist before he reached her abdomen.
"One day pregnant?" He laughed,
"I just felt so sick this morning I just had to check." She giggled.
"I love you." Said Martin, looking into her eyes; he meant it.
"I love you too."