Missing Martha

35

On what would have been his daughter's 5th birthday, Martin entered the mild air of early summertime in France. He wasn't sure exactly where he was, but it was a very picturesque town, with old fashioned barn-like buildings and cobbled roads.
He opened up his phone and looked on the map; he was in Dijon. He took careful note of where the hotel was before he walked on through the town.
It was quite a cloudy day. Grey skies dulled the world into this opaque confusion; this realisation that Martin had done a bad thing. Emily loved him. That seemed to be why she couldn't consent to the divorce.
He continued to walk around, wishing that none of this had ever happened.
He recalled staying in a hotel in France.
Emily and Martin sat at the end of Martha's bed. They had been together all day, running through the fields, having picnics by the sea. Everything was just.. perfect.
"I thought you two were just friends." Said Martha, seeing the unusual closeness between her parents.
Martin and Emily just looked at each other, chuckling, before taking hands.
"Goodnight, Martha." Whispered Martin, kissing her head before walking back into the other room where he and Emily sat on the end of their bed:
"I had the best day today." She told him,
"So did I." Replied Martin, smiling at her.
"Y'know the 'just friends' thing..?" Began Emily, "just for one night.. can I be your wife?"
Martin put one hand on her neck before gently kissing her lips. Whispering in her ear, "you'll always be my wife."

Martin sat down on a bench, wanting to be invisible for a while. He ran his hands down his face and rested his elbows on his knees.
"Pardon." Said someone, making Martin look up to see a familiar face.
"Jesus Christ I thought I recognised you." Said the man, his voice immediately turning British.
"Jamie?!" Questioned Martin, standing up and greeting him, this was the friend that took the video at the nightclub where he and Zoe met, "what the hell are you doing here?!"
"I could ask you the same question; I live here." Said Jamie, sitting down beside Martin on the bench.
"Eh.. don't even know. What have you been up to? How have you ended up here?" Asked Martin, hesitating before guessing, "women."
Jamie laughed, he looked older than Martin remembered, they hadn't really spoken since before he was married. "What's her name?" Asked Martin,
"Alice." Replied Jamie, opening up his pocket and taking out a cigarette and passing it to Martin, cautiously, Martin took the roll between his lips as Jamie lit it, "what about you?"Asked Jamie, looking down at Martin's fingers, and blankly smiled, "no ring? Divorced?" He guessed,
"Widowed." Said Martin, blowing out the smoke, he hadn't smoked in years,
"Shit, how long ago?" Asked Jamie.
"Honestly, it was just last week." He replied.
"I'm so sorry mate. Honestly.. what happened?"
"A lot, mate." Martin give a mere laugh, "we had a daughter, Martha. She would have been five today. She was shot three months ago." He said, "Emily knew the guy that shot her and killed herself."
"Jesus Christ.. Martin.." Jamie was stunned, "I really don't know what to say that's horrible.. what'll you do now?"
"Dunno Jamie, I'm hanging by a thread. I'm on a school trip actually." Said Martin, trying to change the subject. "Hence why I'm a bit tense about taking this." He referred to the cigarette, tapping off the tar,
"You're on a school trip? A week after your wife committed suicide?" Asked Jamie, with sarcasm in his tone.
"Got a band up and running. They need this." Explained Martin,
"You need a break, Martin. Have you seen anyone?"
"Seen anyone?"
"As in, like a psychiatrist or something." Asked Jamie.
Martin shook his head, "I've got no time for that. I've got a friend.."
"A friend..?"
"Remember that girl at the nightclub that I was with after graduation?" Hinted Martin,
"The one who played Bohemian Rhapsody and then you snogged her?" Asked Jamie, smiling slightly, "What was her name?"
"Zoe. And she works with me now."
"No way! As a music teacher?"
"Yep. She's on the school trip too."  Said Martin, before he noticed Jamie looking at him funny.
"You're not going back to her, are you?" Questioned Jamie, "I know, it's none of my business but it's only been a week."
"I know.. but we kissed last night and now I've never felt this guilty in my whole life." Sighed Martin,
"Wait- do you still like her?"
"Yes. But I'm the guy who lost his family. I was forced into that marriage I didn't want to be in and I was forced back out of it."
"What do your parents think?"
"They died a couple years back."
"Jeez you've got no one."
Martin gave a chuckle, "thanks."
"You said you're hanging on by a string; you need her mate."
"My wife's dead eight days. I shouldn't be doing this so soon." Sighed Martin,
"Yeah but she's the only thing you've got." He told him, "I mean, if you need me you've got me, but I'm in France now and I'm never gonna leave here; she could stay with you. You need someone."
Martin shook his head exhaling before he felt a jab of pain where his stitches were, he gritted his teeth before taking out his phone.
"I- I've gotta go." He told Jamie. He hadn't had any text messages, but the morphine was wearing away and he was in pain.
"Alright.. just.. take care of yourself, Martin." Said Jamie, nervously looking at his old friend.
Martin nodded, "you too, mate." He replied. Standing up, feeling his stomach pain. He threw the cigarette bud on the ground and stood on it.
He began to walk back towards the hotel but he felt himself loosing energy quickly. He leaned against the wall, clutching his upper abdomen. He felt along his stitches and looked at his hand again, seeing blood.
Feeling light-headed, he put his hand in his pocket to try and reach his phone before Lucy appeared beside him,
"L-Lucy what are you doing h-"
Martin grabbed the wall before collapsing to the ground, completely blacking out.