Lost Innocence

Chapter fifty nine- Ivy

I lost my baby and it was all my fault. I hadn't been eating properly, i had been responsible for another life and i had killed it. I could have had a son or a daughter. I didn't even know if i was going to keep it, not that i had a choice in the matter now. I just wished i hadn't been so stupid, i should have done something, anything. 

I was glad that Sebastian wasn't mad at me though, i don't think i could've handled him being angry with me as well. I know i should have told him, but it's not like i could drop it into conversation, especially as we weren't together. 

Although lately since he had found out, i almost felt like i was walking on eggshells around him. I wanted to be with him again, i mean sexually be with him. But i think that he was concerned i would get pregnant again. 

I let out a sigh. How was it possible that in a year, my life had turned itself upside down completely? I used to be this girl with barely any experience, i was still coping with nearly being raped and i'd spend everyday wishing that things would change. Enter Sebastian, who changed my life dramatically. Over the year i had grown into a different person, a stronger one. Some days i still felt sad, that me and Sebastian had taken a break, but as long as we were back together now, i didn't mind. 

I was on Christmas break finally and i was spending a few days with Sebastian's family and then he was spending time with my mum and brother. 

I pulled the blanket at the end of arm chair over me and huddled deeper into the cushions of the sofa. I was sat in Sebastian cinema room, that was incredibly comfy and i was getting ready to watch a movie. I'd never really enjoyed Christmas very much, but i was so excited this year and had already bought everybody gifts. It was the day before Christmas Eve, so i wanted to spend my evening tonight watching lots of movies. 

Sebastian entered the room and shut the door behind him. He pulled the blind, blocking out any light, leaving only the flicker of the screen and the flames of the small fire in the corner. 

"What do you want to watch gorgeous?" He smiled at me and looked over at the display of about five hundred DVDs that covered one wall. 

"Something romantic, oh i know. The holiday, i always watch that this time of the year." I replied grinning at him. 

He searched the DVDs and raised his arm when he had found it. Within in minutes he had clicked play and the movie had begun. 

Sebastian pulled me over to him, and i snuggled as close as i could. His finger traced my skin in circles below my top and my body was igniting with heat. I could barely concentrate with his skin on mine, it was overwhelming. I looked up at him, but he was already looking at me. I smiled instantly and his eyes flickered briefly towards my lips. I sighed, wanting him badly. 

His hand cupped my face and his lips pressed against mine, with so much passion that if i had been standing up, i would have collapsed. I pulled him closer to me, somehow moving my legs round so i was straddling him and i wrapped my arms around his neck. I returned the kiss just as desperately, willingly opening my mouth so he could deepen it. He pushed me back into the sofa, so he was hovering above me, our lips never parting. My hands found his top and i removed it, letting it fall to the floor. 

"Ivy." Sebastian said, and brushed my hair behind my ear. 

"You still want me right?" I asked self consciously. 

He chuckled. "I'll always want you, we just have to be careful." 

I nodded, "I know that. But if you don't want to for a while, then i understand." I sighed. 

"Hey, I didn't say that. I'll always want you Ivy. When i first met you i told you that i would miss you, even if we hadn't met and i was right. Not being with you, would somehow leave a physical ache in my body." He explained. 

I smiled, taking in his words. I could feel his hands grazing up my body and clutching my top into his fists. "So, does that mean we can have sex like right now, because if you're planning on leaving me really sexually frustrated, i might ignore you for the rest of the film." I grinned up at him. 

He pulled my top above my head, placing it on the floor with his. Then slipped my shorts off too. "I would never leave you sexually frustrated babey." He smirked. 

I laughed, entangling my fingers through his thick hair. His lips found mine again and i was lost in the warmth of him. The feeling that i felt when i was with him, was impossible to describe and i wouldn't change it for the world.