Lost Innocence

Chapter fifty seven- Ivy

I had safely arrived in Sebastian's driveway, I clambered out the car. My heart pounding heavily against my chest. 

I made my way to the front door, knocking gently.

Samantha opened the door. "Ivy? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Is Sebastian in? I really need to speak to him." I whispered. The words barely came out my mouth.

"He's in. I don't know if it's a good idea to see him honey. I've never seen that boy so upset before." She explained.

I looked at her intently. I knew that she could tell I was just as upset. Without meaning to, a tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek.

"Samantha, I'm here to apologise. I'm in love with your son, and I should never have hurt him the way that I did. He said some things--I just need--" I murmured.

She smiled, and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

"I know it's not your fault. He's in his bedroom. You go get him." She smiled.

I stepped warily into the house and made my way to Sebastian's bedroom. On the way down the hall, I bumped into Eva. She didn't say anything, she just gave me a massive grin and squeezed my shoulder. I bet that girl knew I would come around soon, she always seemed to know.

I knocked apprehensively on the door. I let out a deep breath and opened Sebastian's door.

I walked in, he had his back to me.

"Sebastian." I choked.

Slowly, he turned around. His eyes were red, where he had been crying. But they opened with shock when he saw me standing there.

"Ivy, what—what are you—" he muttered.

I half smiled at his response.

"Look, im—I was an idiot ok? I can't believe the way that I treated you. Lacey came by and she told me everything, that it wasn't anything. I guess I knew that—I'm sorry for, for everything." I explained.

"I don't understand." He replied.

"I'm in love with you Sebastian. I never stopped loving you. It killed me not talking to you, seeing you, just being with you. You mean everything to me and I knew that. I don't know why I didn't say anything. When you came to school earlier and you said all those things, I should—I should have said what I felt. I pushed you away again. I keep pushing you away, but I don't want to do that anymore." I said.

I waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

Looking at him now, I knew that somewhere along the line we had hurt each other. It was simply done by the distance i had forced, trying to save my aching heart. I had given up all my defences for him, as he had done for me. All that was left were two broken beings, longing for each other. Clinging to the last shred of hope, that maybe there was still a chance.

Tears fell from my eyes. "Sebastian, please say something."

"What do you want me to say!" he said almost angrily.

"Anything, please" I choked, shocked from how he had responded.

"I was hurt too. Do you know how hard it was when I found out that you were with that guy? Is that what you wanted, for me to be hurt? Well congratulations you succeeded. Yes, Lacey kissed me and you saw it! But you wanted me to sit by, while you had sex with someone else? I would never do that to you. I was in love with you Ivy, and you knew that." He spat back.

"I never had sex with him!" I practically screamed.

"What?" he asked seemingly speechless.

"I didn't have sex with him ok. I couldn't do that to you, not when I loved you. I didn't love him. I was trying to get rid of this horrible feeling inside of me." I replied, scraping my heart.

I suddenly felt really dizzy, like I was going to faint. I had barely eaten anything in months. I steadied myself against the wall.

"Ivy are you ok?" Sebastian asked concerned.

I waved my hand at him. "I'm fine." I tried to stand up straight. "You told me earlier that you were still in love with me." I continued.

"That's because I am." He replied, taking a step towards me.

"Then—I don't understand. What's changed between then and now?" I questioned.

"Ivy—" he began.

Anger and hurt built up inside of me. Why was he doing this? I looked clearly at him, his eyes locked on mine. I could see it in his eyes.

"You don't want to be with me, do you?" I remarked.

His facial expression changed, he looked exhausted. "It's not that." He took another step towards me. If I extended my arms, I could reach him. I wanted to reach him.

"Then what is it Sebastian? Because you and me both know, that you can't kiss me right now without feeling anything." I said.

I took a small step towards Sebastian, holding my breath. "I know that you're hurt, so am i. But we can work everything out." I boldly said.

He lifted his hand, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. "What if we can't? We've lost so much time that we could've spent together, fighting."

I looked away from him, letting out a small sigh. My eyes filled with tears.

"Sebastian, we were fools. But we were fools that were in love. I've never needed anyone, like I've needed you." I locked my eyes back on his.

The silence stretched out between us, as I stared at him. My tears were blurring my vision, as I waited for him to save me from this torment.

"Please don't cry." He said, placing a kiss on my forehead.

My legs felt as if they were going to crumble. I had missed his touch incredibly. It was a part of me, he was a part of me.

"I can't help it." I cried. "Just be with me."

He laughed, softly. "Ivy Monroe, you belong to me, in every way possible. You're delusional if you think that I wouldn't want to be with you."

I looked up at him. He didn't look upset or angry anymore. He looked relaxed and happy. I smiled a little. He was oxygen and i was dying to breathe.

I secured my hands in his hair and kissed him. His arms wrapped around me tightly. Our hands were roaming crazily over one another, as we made up for lost time.

It didn't matter about anything else in that moment. It was me and Sebastian. Just like it always should have been. Never again would I let him go. He was mine, and I was his.

His hands cupped my face. "I'll always be with you." He whispered against my lips.

I let out a small sigh of joy. "I hope so." I smiled, hugging him.

"I'll go and get us some drinks, you want to stay here tonight?" He asked.

I nodded in response. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Sebastian kissed me on my forehead, before leaving the room.

All i could do was stand there smiling. I had lost everything, but i had it all back. I couldn't erase the things that i had done while we had been apart, but i could remember all the memories i had made when we were together previously.

My vision blurred for a second and i screwed my eyelids up, as a mild headache began. My head started spinning and i felt like i was going to collapse again. All of a sudden my knees seemed to buckle underneath me and i fell to the floor, but it felt like it was happening so slowly and there was nothing to prevent me from crashing to the floor.

I couldn't do anything, because there was nobody here to save me. Not that it mattered, my eyelids fluttered shut and everything was consumed with blackness.