Lost Innocence

Chapter fourty five- Sebastian

I'm pretty sure that what i was feeling, was heartbreak. It was heartbreak in the worst form. God, did it hurt like hell. I never thought that it was humanly possible to miss somebody this much, but i did. Not being with Ivy was killing me in every single way. 

I had tried my best to get hold of her and explain the events of what had happened that night, but it was no use. There was no way to say that it was all Lacey's doing, because i had kissed her back, i knew that. But it wasn't intentional at all, i thought with every fibre in my body that it was Ivy. One of the biggest mistakes of my life had been that kiss by the bar and as much as i wished, there was nothing i could do to take it back.

I had spoken to Carrie about that night and she had listened, telling me that when the time was right, everything would be how it had been. But i was starting to wonder when exactly that would be, because i had a feeling it wouldn't be soon. The worst part about being on my own was that i had become too accustomed to being with Ivy, that i didn't know what to do anymore. 

Elliot had to physically drag me to university each day, because otherwise i wouldn't show up at all. He had already made some excuses for my absence and told me that he wouldn't be doing it anymore. Him and Carrie were together and more happy than ever. For once they had sorted themselves out and they were trying their best to look after me and Ivy. It hurt to even say 'me and Ivy' in the same sentence like we were a pair, because we weren't. We were absolutely nothing. 

Several of my mates from around town had also tried to get me to move out of this phase that i was apparently in, by regularly texting me about parties and clubs that they were going too. But nothing interested me at all. One guy had even suggested a rebound girl, so i had punched him square in the jaw, almost by accident, but not really. Ivy wasn't just some girl that i would get over by sleeping with other girls. Also i wasn't going to use other girls as a cheap lay, because that was never the kind of person i wanted to be. Not that i even knew who exactly that was. 

I had thought about going round to her house, to talk. But either her mum wouldn't let me in or she would say that Ivy had gone out. Another possibility would be that Ivy would answer the door and punch me or get really upset and cry. I didn't want to see her upset, because then i would try and console her, resulting in another slap. 

Everything that i desperately wanted to do, i wouldn't. I would just have to wait for Ivy to hopefully talk to me herself. 

The one thing that i knew out of everything, was that i was still completely in love with Ivy, and that no matter how long it took, i would get her back even if it took me an eternity.