Lost Innocence

Chapter fifty eight- Sebastian

I had never been so happy in my life. This moment topped the other moments i had shared with Ivy. It was better than the first time i kissed her, the first time she told me she loved me, even better than the first time we made love. It was due to the fact that we hadn't been together and all that hurt and pain i had felt; we had both felt, was gone. The moment her lips touched mine again, it all disappeared. 

Suddenly, i heard a small crash from upstairs. It sounded like it was coming from my room. My mum looked over at me startled, and i shared the same concerned face. I raced up the stairs with my brother, right behind me. 

I barged through my door and Ivy's petite body was in a heap by the foot of my bed. I ran over to her, bending down to scoop her limp body into my arms. My hands touched something cool and i noticed that the bottom of Ivy's top was soaked with blood. Fear immediately ran through me, what the hell had happened to her?!

"Will, Call an ambulance now!" I shouted at my brother. 

My mum hovered in the doorway, clearly unsure of what to do. 

"Mum, help me please, she's bleeding. I don't know what's happened!" I cried at her. 

She ran over hugging my body and stroking Ivy's hair back. I kissed Ivy's forehead, praying that she would be okay. 

"Sebastian, she's awfully thin." Eva remarked, from somewhere behind me. 

"I know." I sighed. 

I didn't know what to do. I just sat there, crying into her hair. Her eyes stayed firmly shut and her body felt cold, too cold. She looked like a broken porcelain doll and all i could do was hold her frail body together. 

Eventually, the ambulance came and took Ivy to the hospital. I had sent everyone away, telling them to go home and that i would call them when i heard news. Now i was trying my best to be patient, as i stood in the waiting room. 

"Mr Tate?" A voice said behind me. 

I turned around swiftly. "Yes?" I asked, anxiously. 

"Are you Miss Monroe's boyfriend?" The lady asked. 

"Yes?" I said. I felt like i could smile because i could say that i was again, but this wasn't the time or place to be smiling, not when Ivy could be in danger. 

"There was quite a lot of blood, and we tried our best to do what we could, considering the state that she was in." The doctor said.

I'm guessing the 'state' she was referring too, was the blood and the fact that Ivy looked underweight. But what did she mean, by we tried our best. Surely, Ivy couldn't be dead, could she? Oh God, please say she wasn't. 

"Is Ivy okay, please." I begged. 

The doctor gave me a small smile. "Ivy's fine, Mr Tate. But..." She started. 

I knew there was a but, just by the way she had said it. I raised my eyebrow, telling her to go on. 

"...But, we couldn't save the baby." She finished. 

Baby? Ivy had been pregnant?! There had to be some sort of misunderstanding. She would of told me if she was pregnant, surely. 

"The baby?" I mumbled, looking at the lady. 

She nodded, "Your girlfriend had a miscarriage, I'm afraid. That's why there was so much blood. I'm sorry for your loss, but she's ready to see you, if you'd like to go in?" She explained. 

I nodded weakly, still in shock. 

The lady touched my arm. "I've just let her know and she's awfully upset. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you, so that her, as a mother, and you, as a father, can grieve together." She smiled and walked away. 

Father? I had been a father. My head was spinning, it didn't make any sense. She had looked so thin, how had she been able to carry a baby? I guess that might explain the miscarriage. 

I hesitantly made my way to her room, peaking through the window before entering. I slowly moved to her bedside and her eyes were all swollen and puffy from where she had been crying. 

"Ivy." I choked. 

Her eyes flickered open and she gave me a weak smile. "Hey." She said, motioning for me to lie down next to her, so i did. I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them gently. 

I was trying to work out what to say, but Ivy beat me to it. "I was going to tell you, but we weren't together. I didn't know what to do, but i guess it doesn't matter now that it's gone." Ivy said, and a tear rolled down her cheek. 

I wiped it away. "It still matters Ivy, you should have told me." I replied. 

She nodded. "I know, i was just so scared. I didn't even tell Carrie." 

I wrapped my arms around her. "It's my fault you know." She whispered. 

My heart broke slightly, as i could clearly tell that she was in pain. "Don't say that Ivy, it wasn't anybody's fault. These things happen." I replied. 

She shook her head and more tears fell from her eyes. "When the doctors told me, i could tell that they wanted to blame me. I hadn't been eating properly because i was sad and upset, and i wasn't giving it enough energy. I killed it Sebastian." 

"Shh. Hey, it's going to be okay. You'll get another opportunity when you're ready and you'll be the best mum ever." I admitted, because i knew she would be. 

She smiled against my chest. "I didn't even know if i wanted to keep it, i probably wouldn't of because i'm too young. But i didn't want it to die either. It was yours, you know that don't you? I've only slept with you." 

I nodded. "Of course it was mine."

"If the situation had been different, if we were older. Would you of wanted me to have it?" Ivy asked. 

I thought about her question and in that moment, it hit me. Of course i would've had the baby in the future, even if she had decided to keep it now, i would have helped raise it. As i held Ivy's body, in that hospital room bed, I knew that this was the girl that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not in some bullshit romantic way, i was dead serious. Through everything we had gone through, it was always going to be Ivy. She was the one for me, forever and always. 

"I would have wanted it. I want everything with you Ivy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I admitted. 

Ivy looked up at me. "Sebastian--" 

I kissed her plump lips. "I'm serious." 

"No, you're crazy." She smiled and kissed me back. "Can we not tell anyone about this, we can just say i collapsed because i hadn't been eating much, but that i'm fine now?" She asked. 

I nodded. "Of course." I replied and kissed her again. 

I couldn't tell my parents they would be appalled that i had gotten Ivy pregnant and the fact that she had looked so in pain as she lay on my bedroom floor, sent cold shivers through my whole body. It was two times today i had thought Ivy was dead and it had scared me to death. Not being with her was hard enough, but not having her around ever again, would completely destroy me. How was i supposed to carry on with everything, if she wasn't around anymore, i couldn't. 

"Do you know how much you scared me earlier? I thought you were dead Ivy. As i was holding you in my arms, I didn't know what to do." I whispered, my own tears falling. 

Ivy wiped them away. "Hey, i'm okay. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here Sebastian, and i love you. If anything ever happens to me, remember that I love you." She smiled. 

"I love you too baby, i love you." I said, bringing her body even closer to me somehow. 

I watched Ivy as she fell asleep and i smiled to myself knowing that she was in my arms again. These past few weeks i felt like i had lost myself, but now i knew who i was. I always seemed to know when i was with her. I knew that if anything happened to this beautiful girl, it would break me. This is what happiness felt like and i wasn't going to lose that again. It didn't matter to me that we might not be together forever, because right now, this was my forever and it was enough. 

This was enough.