Austin Carlile Is My Father? (#Wattys2015)

Vicious Cycles

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Sienna

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She woke to seeing Shay sleeping soundly in front of the laptop, his body seeming to be leaning on the desk and his mouth hanging open with his lip ring glinting in the light.

His head a resting on a notebook and a pencil was tucked into his fingers. Sienna sighed and rubbed sleep from her eyes, snickering at the man sleeping on the screen of her phone.

"Night, Shay." She whispered, ending the call and plugging her phone in. She plopped out of the bunks and silently padded to the top of the stairs, listening for any signs of anyone being awake. She heard a couple of male voices downstairs, so she walked down the steps, wanting to see who it was.

Oliver was sitting on the couch, scribbling in a notebook and tapping his pen every so often on the paper. Alan was sitting next to him playing video games with Dan and Vegan. Dan was the one who spotted her, winking at her and waving gently.

"Good morning, Sienna. How was your sleep?" Dan asked, eyeing her. At the mention of her name, the other three men looked up too, grinning at her.

"Good." She muttered, sitting on the other side of Oliver. "Yourself?"

"Good." Dans eyes were looking a bit uncomfortable, but Sienna ignored it, looking at Oli's scribbled writing.

"D'ya wanna read it?" He asked grinning. Sienna nodded and he handed over the notebook. She read the song which was only about two lines long and she grinned.

"I like it so far." She fingered the worn pages of the thick notebook. "Can I go through this?"

"Go ahead." Oliver nodded, standing up. "I have to grab myself some salad."

"Salad?" snorted Alan. Oli stuck out his tongue.

"Listen, ginger-butt." Oli laughed, cocking an eyebrow. "Plants are healthier than-"

"BABY BACK RIBS!" Alan roared.

Sienna laughed and flipped through the pages, ignoring the argument that was going on between the two. She opened to the page with some scribbles on it, lots of drawings on the side. Sienna read the lyrics, her heart sinking slightly.

It was a song on their album Sempiternal and it was digging into her heart. It was the song called Empire (Let Them Sing). Sienna read carefully, drinking in every lyric, every word. There were little drawings on the margins of the song and they showed the cartoon taking pills, injecting drugs, smoking things, blades...it was about addiction.

Sienna coughed in her hand and looked at the lyrics. She read the words and felt like crying. She knew she shouldn't have relapsed, but this was making everything seem so unbearable. Sienna sent them a grin.

"I left my phone upstairs. Hang on." She placed the closed notebook on the couch beside her and she walked back up to her bunk, hearing Austin's slight whispers from his bunk and Alexis' responses. The others were sleeping. It was only 7:20 in the morning. She was surprised that Dan, Oli, Alan, and Vegan were up at all.

She walked into the back lounge and closed the door, wanting to be alone. Thank God it was too early for anyone to already take over the back lounge. She had her bag stored in this room and she went through her things trying to find a blade. She remembered she had left the one downstairs in the bathroom, but something told her that it was already found by someone who she didn't want to find.

Sienna ended up having to take a new pencil sharpener and by using her nail, she unscrewed it, having a thick, dangerous blade in her palm.

She weighed her options in her head. She could cut again, feel worse about it later, or she could try to figure out her problems and feel bad about it in the moment. She leaned against the closed door and looked at her hip. The cuts were dried up and scabbing. They probably wouldn't leave a scar, if she was careful.