Austin Carlile Is My Father? (#Wattys2015)

The Calm (Friskyhands)

I'm so sorry this took so long I'm getting ready to go on holiday so things have been busy. I didn't expect this story to get as much attention as it did, thank you all so much.

Disclaimer: I do not promote self harm at all. If you are dealing with it please talk to somebody, it'll help more than you think.
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Siena's POV
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Sienna rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and glanced towards her bunk curtain making sure it would close properly. She was sure there was no one on the bus, and there were only small moments where she had privacy to let out her emotions. Her and Austin had both gotten back from their walk and then went with the rest of the band and crew to have a look around. Everyone else was down at the beach, but Sienna had declined, preferring not to swim and hoping for time to herself.

When she decided the coast was clear she unzipped her new pencil case and pulled out a pencil sharpener. She had noticed that there was a box of small screw drivers hidden under the sink for fixing things up. Sienna found the right size one and went about unscrewing the razor. When she got it out she quickly shoved the screwdrivers back and ran to her bunk, jumping into it.

The urge to hurt herself had been back, stronger, ever since her Mom died. It was getting to much, and Sienna knew the only way she wouldn't cry herself to sleep every night without someone hearing was to let it all out. Earlier in the day when Austin had given her money she had instead bought a packet of large plasters and some bandages. When the cashier gave her an odd look she rolled her eyes and said, "Stupid brother, keeps falling off his dumb bike."

Sienna readied her tools and shoved her jeans down, exposing her thigh. The first cut she made was only skin deep, but the next went deeper. Slowly the drops of blood built up until they were starting to run and she had a good amount of cuts. The blood was cleaned away with some tissues, Sienna took care to get no blood on the sheets. She carefully peeled the backing paper off the plasters and shakily applied them. When she was decent enough to go out Sienna put all her soiled items into a plastic bag along with a few other miscellaneous things and threw it away in a bin outside.

She couldn't hold it in much longer, and she burst into tears as she ran back to her bunk. She was a failure, weak, pathetic, she should die and get out of everyone's way. Austin probably hated her for coming into his life like this. She was just as much of a loser as the kids at school said. Her burn scar on her arm caught her attention. It was over a year old, but still there. Sienna grabbed a black hoodie sitting at the end of the bed so she didn't have to look at it. She despised it, it was the reason she had left school. In Science a boy had cornered her with a glass of acid, grabbed her arm and poured the acid over it. No one came to her aid as she screamed to get it off her skin. She knew she deserved it. Eventually the teacher came into the class and rinsed it under water and sent her to the nurse. A few days late with her arm wrapped in a bandage Sienna found herself in the school office. She had told everyone it was an accident, but an anonymous student had come forward and told the principal what had actually happened.

They set her up on a correspondence program after that, she did all at home. Then she stopped cutting, that was 7 months ago. She wanted her Mom to come hug her and tell her everything would be alright. The bus door creaked open but Sienna didn't notice the person walking down the hallway towards her.

"Sienna…?" Shit. She hastily cleaned her face and replied thickly through the curtain on her bunk, "Yeah?"

"It's Aaron. Are you okay? I didn't see you down at the beach." Concern coming through in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sienna replied, her stuffy nose telling the opposite.

"Do you want me to get Austin?" He asked.

"No!" Sienna almost yelped. He didn't need to be bothered.

"You know, he lost his Mom when he was 17." Aaron told Sienna. She didn't know. Why wouldn't he tell her?  "You should talk to him… I won't make you though."

"Okay." Sienna whispered. She heard Aaron walked away, down the bus and out the door.
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Austin's POV
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Austin had noticed Aaron leaving the beach but didn't really give it a second thought until Aaron waded through the water up to him. "Sienna's crying." He told Austin.

"What?" Austin asked, sounding more shocked than he felt. Of course she would cry, but he didn't expect her to be sitting alone, crying right now.

"Yeah. She didn't want you to know." Aaron  continued solemnly. "You should talk to her."

"I will…" Austin replied. Why did Aaron know more about what was happening with his own daughter than he did? Why didn't Sienna talk to him? Was she scared or did she not feel comfortable? He came up with a plan. It was a day off and they had been on tour for a few days so they would need their washing done. On the way in Austin had spotted a small laundromat. He could offer to take everyone's washing and take Sienna with him so they could talk alone.

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Sienna's POV
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Sienna heard a series of knocks on the post separating her bunk and the next, then the curtain was pulled back slightly to revel Austin on the other side. "Hey. D'ya have anything that needs washing?"

"Yeah, gimme a second." Sienna reached down the end of her bunk and grabbed the plastic bag she had filled with her dirty clothes. "Sweet." Austin said, "I'm going down the laundromat, do you wanna come?" Sienna felt awkward about someone else – she didn't care who – touching her underwear and bras so she nodded.

They both left the bus toting bags of clothing, their own as well as the rest of the band and crew's. The walk to the laundromat was silent, mostly because Sienna was lost in her own thoughts. Five minutes later they reached their destination. There was no one else in the large shop filled with industrial size washing machines. Austin gave her $5 to put in her machine while he shoved his bandmates and his own clothing into various machines. They both sat down on the provided seats. Sienna wrung her hands in her lap.

"What did you do when we were at the beach?" Austin asked her. She obviously wasn't going to tell him, so she just shrugged. "Aaron told me you seemed a bit upset."

"Aaron told me about your Mom." She said quietly instantly regretting it. "Sorry."

"Don't be, she's your Grandma, right?" He paused and seemed to struggle to go on. "She died when I saw 17. It was Marfans Syndrome. I have it too, that's why I'm really tall. I had to have surgery on my heart." Austin tugged the top of his shirt down slightly to reveal a pink line cutting down the centre of his chest, destroying the beautiful artwork.

"I'm sorry."

"It's nothing to do with you."

"D-Did they tell you how Mom died?" Sienna asked, her voice shaking.

"No, they didn't mention how, I know she died in a fire." Austin replied cautiously.

"Our power had been cut so we were staying at Mom's friend's house. She went back to get something when they turned the power back on and something short circuited. She was upstairs and couldn't get out. She went back to get my PJs top." Sienna reflected on the last detail. If she had remembered everything in the first place then her Mom would still be alive. Tears started to fall into her lap and she found herself being engulfed in Austin's arms. Their first form of contact.

"It's not your fault she died." He told her as her arms snaked around his midsection for some comfort.

"Yes it is. I should have remembered all my stuff and then she wouldn't have been there when the fire started." Sienna said, her words muffled.

"Nothing was your fault." Austin told her firmly. When they unwrapped Austin was staring down at her arm in shock. Her black hoodie sleeve had ridden up, and in her emotional daze she hadn't noticed.

"What the hell is that?" Austin asked her, shocked at the large chemical burn adorning her arm.
 Sienna chocked back another sob. This was too much at once. "I was bullied. One kid poured acid on my arm. That's when I left school."


"Oh my god. That fucking asshole. I'll kill him.' Austin was getting… protective? Over something that happened months ago. Just then the machines started to beep and they got up to put all the stuff in dryers. Sienna rubbed at her eyes, slightly embarrassed. At least they got some things out of the way.