Austin Carlile Is My Father? (#Wattys2015)

Ben Threw

May be triggering to some. 

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Sienna

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She woke to the sound of snoring. She leaned over in her suite bed and saw Austin sleeping on the floor. Thank god she was woken up by her father's snores. She had that dream again. The one where Avery stood in front of her. Hurting her. She drew her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. For some reason, the tears wouldn't come. She rubbed her eyes like she was crying, but they didn't come. She sniffled like she did when she cried, but her tears didn't come. 

The tears never came. 

She just miserably sat in the bed, whimpering. 

She saw him everywhere. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him. His hands on her throat, on her arms, on her hips - she hated it. Her mind was consumed by Avery. It wasn't fair. 

She could feel his fingertips trailing up her leg, his mouth on her throat…she could feel his breath on her face, his body pressing up against hers. 

Now the tears came. She could hear his voice; 'Stop your crying. I know you like it.' 

"Sienna…?" breathed her father's voice. Sienna didn't even care that her father was slowly and tentatively climbing up to cradle her in his arms. 

Avery's hands weaved in Sienna's brown hair, pulling at it harshly, his lips pressing to her throat. 

Sienna sobbed louder, pushing Austin away weakly. 

"Sienna, shh-" Austin said in her ear. Sienna curled up in his arms, gripping his shirt with her fists. 

"G-go a-away." She whined, her whole body shivering for fear. 

"Sienna, I can't," Austin whispered. They stayed like that until Sienna finally felt herself calm down a bit. Her mouth quivered as her skin crawled. She couldn't believe she could withstand him holding her for this long. 

"D-dad-I-" 

"Shh." her father rocked her back and forth as she cried in his chest. "Shh, it's okay. Just tell me what happened, sweetie. I can help you if you let me."  

After moments of complete silence, Sienna decided to open up to her father; something she was terrified of doing. 

"He did it." Once she started to speak, she couldn't stop. Her voice was shaking and her eyes were trained on Austin's upper arm tattoos, feeling completely and utterly numb to the memories crashing back to her. The words tumbled out and she didn't even make an attempt to stop them. She just let it happen. She didn't want to stop it. She needed to let it all out. 

"He did it. He was mad because people - famous people - called him out on Twitter. He said he was humiliated, but I-I just-I couldn't stop him. He grabbed me, held me, and forced me to look at him." Sienna felt Austin stiffen. "He made me tell him that I liked it. He called me a whore. He hit me a couple of times. But the real damage was when he ra-" Sienna cut herself off with a choked sob. "When he t-touched me." Sienna gave a small scream and tightened her fists in her father's shirt. "I just want to kill myself. I don't want to live anymore. This is all my fault. This is…I deserved this. I-I-I want to kill myself. I want to die. I don't want to be here." 

"No." Austin said dryly. "Don't say that, Sienna, please, baby. Don't say that. You can't-" 

"I can't?" Sienna heard herself scoff. "I can't? You're not in control of my actions. I can fucking hang myself if I want to."